New member...feeling desperate

[Jenny85]

Dear all...
I'm so glad to find a place for a bit of interaction with other people who are in a similar situtation.

My story is this: I've always been anxious, but in the last few years (finishing my undergraduate degree, starting my postgraduate degree) it's got out of control. It manifests itself by me vomiting, shaking and wanting to smoke all the time. I was OK recently, but then last week decided to try to quit smoking. It didn't work, and since then I've been smoking far more than I used to. I went from 5 a day to twenty a day, going to the shops at 6am to buy cigarettes.

I went to my GP and she said we need to address the anxiety before the smoking, and put me on a short course of diazepam and beta blockers. It didn't used to be the case, but all I think about is smoking. I'm terrified of quitting but als terrified of still doing it. I have heard tha if someone very anxious quits, it can send them over the edge and I'm afraid I'll end up suicidal. Yesterday, I took my diazepam at 6am and actually felt pretty OK most of the day, didn't have the next one til 6pm. I phoned the doctor and she said it was good because it was ME feeling that way, and not the pills. I'm a bit shakier today, thougg. Can't stop thinking about smoking, can't stop doing it. Thinking about food makes me want to vomit.

I'm so sorry for the rant, but I'm so scared and would very much appreciate any experience from anyone else to compare. Thank you.

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi Jenny, just wanted to welcome you to NMP , you will find it helpful and supportive here, :welcome:
Paige x

[london]

i smoke a lot but i like it so i dont want to stop

[Jenny85]

Thanks for your replies...I wouldn't say I like smoking anymore. I don't enjoy it as such because I associate it with anxiety. That doesn't stop me wanting it constantly, though. I feel like a junkie, I really do.

[holly23]

hi. im new to this site but i do understand what your going through.
my anxiety was as bad at christmas when i tried to quit smoking, i managed three weeks until life became more stressful due to uni. i also felt like things got worse when i stopped and i too am afraid of stopping again. smoking is a big part of who we are addicted this is why we are affected and feel more anxious when we stop. we end up not feeling like ourselves therefore everything feels strange. however i'm thinking that smoking is far more harming than not! someone said to once "how can you smoke when your so anxious and afraid of causing yourself harm" its true.! ..why do we?? .. im going to try and find a replacement for smoking. maybe sweets or some sort of game or something that distracts.?? all i know is that when i did stop, yes i felt anxious but my whole out look and my whole body felt better. and as we know anxiety can pass we only need to get past those forst tough days. keep thinking of how much better you'll feel and how harmful it is..convince yourself that you dont have to but that you WANT to quit. its a choice, thats all.dont feel pressured, only inspired!! this should help you fell in CONTROL.
hope this helps. x

[gypsywomen]

Hi why dont you try gum or patches if you dont like smoking ,then its the nicotine you need,so patches could work for you worth a try xxxx

[margaret jones]

Hi Jenny the dreaded fags o dear they are so addictive i smoked for 40 yrs and 2 yrs ago after a health scare i stopped (cold turkey ) it had started to annoy me being addicted to them but was not easy to stop i still sometimes thing about how it would be to start again but i have not been tempted .

Do you really want to stop ???
I think that it needs to be your own decision to smoke or not .
It is normal to crave more when you are trying to give up , it is the addictive substance doing that .

Jenny good luck with whatever you choose to do re smoking
Maggie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[holly23]

i tried things like that last time which only made me feel sick.. i smoke now purely out of habit i think. i can go days id i want to.. i dont even enjoy it anymore. i hate everything about, ..i should practice what i preach really!! im planning of giving it another go in next few days. i find the best way i stop is if ive been hungover or ill, i cant and then it seems easier to stop..lol...but ive stopped drinking so there goes that plan ay! lol.

[Jenny85]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your kinds replies...I sympathise greatly with how you're all feeling. I'm a wee bit worried about coming off the diazepam (I've got 2mg 3x a day for 9 days or so) but in all honstly, I tend to feel a little better and more relaxed when I know it's worn off, around this time of day, and I can say that it's me that's feeling ok and not the pills. But then comes that wee burst of nausea. Had it last night. My boyfriend made us a beautiful dinner and I was so chuffed to be able to eat it. Hungry at first, but halfway through found myself just trying to get through it. Any tips on dealing with the dreaded nausea? Bless you all for your kindness...x

[Brianthesnail]

:welcome::welcome:
brian

[Vixxy]

My main bit of advice that should help you is that you should just accept that at this moment in time you need to smoke. Dont beat yourself up about it. Just take comfort in knowing that when you are feeling better you can start to reduce the amount you smoke, slowly and at a level that is comfortable for you.

[Jenny85]

Thanks Vixxy (and everyone else)...wise words. My doctor was right in telling me I just ha to put stopping smoking to the back of my mind for now. It's a worry that I'll NEVER be able to stop, because it'll just trigger another episode. And again, ad infinitum...and I really want to have kids in the future. My doc has referred me for CBT, so hopefully that'll help me work through things a bit, and try to get to a stronger place.

Once again, I can't reiterate enough how much everyone's kindness means to me. Bless you all. x

[Jenny85]

I've had a really terrible morning...just realised I lost my purse, which is obviously the result of me being so agitated and spaced out these past few days. I'm normally really vigilant. Couldn't stop thinking about smoking last night and smoked in front of my wee sister, which I'd normally never do. Just getting to my wits end. Desperate. Sorry for the rant. The diazepam doesn't feel like it's working today. Wish I could get my life back. Hope everyone is doing OK today.

[Brunette]

Hi Jenny,

The nicotine in the cigarettes is a stimulant and will be adding to your anxiety. Quitting should ease your symptoms.

People think that smoking eases anxiety but it doesn't all it does it calm the nicotine receptors in your brain that have been begging for their "fix" . Like Gypsywomen says, there are lots of aids out there to help you stop.

Good luck.