Won't love my girlfriend... should I break with her?

[lior]

This has been hanging over me for a week or more. I'm seeing a nice girl, who's pretty, and intelligent enough. She's socially apt. Yet I just don't feel a spark. I will not be able to fall in love with her. It doesn't usually take me this long for feelings to develop. I've been seeing her for about two months now, perhaps more. Yes, more. But I just don't care about her.

No, I care about her, but I can't love her. I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone better than her, and I like having excitement in my love life - somebody there to develop things with. But this is just not going to develop.

How do I tell her? She hasn't done anything wrong. I like her, and wouldn't mind seeing her again, but it's just not worth investing my time in her. What do I say? I don't want to hurt her feelings.

I feel so apathetic about everything while this is on my mind. I wake up in the morning, have breakfast, then go back to bed. Doesn't help that I'm quitting smoking and withdrawing from citalopram too :(

[LucyR]

Hi, Isn't it the case that you are a bit immature and don't have a realistic view of what a relationship is really all about? perhaps you are seeing the world through rose coloured spectacles and have set your sights on something "perfect", or just don't know what you want. I think you either keep seeing this girl as a friendship, or do the girl a favour by nicely letting her go and let her find someone more mature and worldly.

Just my opinion.

[Desprate Dan]

Give her my number :-) lol. Seriously i would love to be in your posistion, to have someone to care and share good times with. She sounds to perfect and isn't it them little imperfections what we find so attractive. I have been on the recieveing end with girls saying things like you are just to nice or your more like a brother to me, but what am i suppose to do, i cant change the way i am. Its going to hurt her if she truely loves you. But imo its best to be honest if you dont feel the same its no good for either of you if you pretend and try to force it.

[supersezza]

it sounds like u know the answer already, just think u r doing her a favour by letting her go...that way u can both find someone u truly love!

dont settle for someone just for the sake of being in a relationship...i never ends well!

i am sure in time u will find someone who u can see a future with...

[suzannacorfu]

Oh please don't just carry on with this girl just because: "I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone better than her and I like having excitement in my lovelife"!!!! How terribly unfair to her! We cannot use people to "fill up" the holes we have in our lives. However much I understand your fears (and I do really) we do not have the right to use or harm others. I bet that you would hate to hear a woman you loved saying this about you!
Let her go gently.
Suz

[Vixxy]

Hmm I wonder is this lack of feeling because youre coming off anti depressants? There are times when i dont think I love my husband, but I know its just the meds/hormones.

[mandie]

Hi

I agree with Vixxy that it could be you feeling like this because of coming of meds?

If this isnt the case then please finish it with this girl. how unfair that you want to hang onto her incase you dont find anyone better!

mandie

[Wolfie]

I think you know the answer deep down.

We all have fears of being alone or never finding someone that we can grow old with and truely love. We all find somebody in the end. You just have to make the move to get out and explore further afield.

I don't think you are being terribly fair to this girl by simply staying with her because you're scared. This will hurt her alot. Especially if she finds out and most of us know how hurtful it is when your partner has been hiding something really bad.

Let her go gently, she deserves to find someone who wants to be with her, and you deserve to find someone you want to be with.

Do the right thing.

Chrissy xx

[Jenny85]

If she knows you at all, she'll be aware that things aren't easy for you...it is fairer to let her go gently, and she'll be grateful to you for it in the long run. Remember you have to try to look after and nurture yourself, be gentle with yourself. THat doesn't mean not being gentle with other people, but remember feeling bad isn't your fault. No one would expect you to go joggin with a broken leg, and no one should expect you to make a difficult relationship decision whilst coming off your meds. Just concentrate on feeling better and try not to ruminate too much on your relationship.

And as for quitting smoking...anything in that area is no walk in the park. That's my big problem. I'm terrified of quitting, terrified of still doing it and obsess over it to the point I've had to be put on meds. Just don't do THAT! How are you coping with that aspect? Take care...

[lior]

I was a bit shocked at how judgemental some of you were - perhaps you've had heartbreak in your own lives. It turns out she felt exactly the same way as me. No feelings were hurt on either side... neither of us had real feelings to hurt. We're not seeing each other any more. It wasn't even a proper relationship really... it was very casual, but all my worries seem worse with coming off citalopram. I keep imagining a dagger stabbing my head. Not nice...

Thanks for your concern though.

[onceagain]

Hi Lior

I don't really know what to say, but I thought I would try to help.

Firstly you said that you were coming of citalopram and giving up smoking.. two things that are going to be stressful and will take a lot of your energy.

I would hate to think that you make any rash decisions because you don't feel that excitement at the moment.

If you really know in your heart of hearts that she is not the girl for you, then I think that you should let her go, it wouldnt be fair to let her invest her emotions into you if you feel that she is not worth investing yours.. hope that doesn't sound too harsh and I think you have to decide how it would make you feel if someone was with you just because they didn't feel that they could find someone better, that is a horrible thing for anyone.

But I also think you should decide whether excitement is more important in a relationship, because whilst you have to fancy or find that person attractive sometimes real love grows and is more powerful than passion which eventually wanes..

I think only you can really answer and I hope it works out whatever you decide
Hugs