Can you have GAD and not know it?

[Oddfish]

I've kept a diary for years and I was just having a flick through the last couple of years today. Although I can pin point the start of my depressive episodes to the day, I was very surprised to see that most of my diary entries are laiden with extreme anxiety, even when I have supposedly felt ok. I've only really had physical symptoms of anxiety once - feeling sick, dry mouth, slight derealisation etc - for a few weeks earlier this year, but it appears that I constantly have the mental effects to varying degrees, which I didn't really realise. I feel awful when I read back and see how most of the time I haven't been able to enjoy the present for worrying! It's page after page of "what ifs" and panic, and I seem to have dropped out of so many things because I've been so busy sitting around consumed with anxiety! Reading it back, when I keep seeing "I could have done this but I pulled out/felt tired" etc I get so mad because the thing I missed was always good. Trouble is I know that I am still doing this now! Wish I could change my thinking patterns and stop worrying about the past/future all the time and instead live in the actual day I'm in :shrug:

[supersezza]

there is a book called 'the power of now' by e.tolle....it might be worth a read for you?

i think there is a difference between worrying and GAD....GAD i feel gets in the way of you doing the things you want to do...u might worry a bit but if u still do things with a smile then i wouldn't worry too much!

[Desprate Dan]

I do believe you can have gad without knowing your diary is proof enough. Its only now i too realise i have always had it well for aslong as i can remember anyway but only got real bad physical symptoms just over one year ago. Thinking back to when i was at school i now feel my anxiety held me back, i found it difficult to focus and concentrate as there was always things bothering me and i use to get stressed over silly things.

[Oddfish]

see, I don't know...it's like supersezza says, I feel that GAD is so disruptive that it really interferes with your life. My general anxiety has not really interfered with my life, but I have certainly taken the easy option most of the time, avoided certain things and missed out on a lot of enjoying the moment in life because of it. Not sure what it would be classed as.

[Mya]

I am in a similar spot too. I have had anxiety all my life, but it never interfered with my life until I got chronic anxiety symptoms and was diagnosed with GAD shortly after. This was caused by major life changing events.

I am hoping this is a temporary, early midlife crisis :blush: I am so weird with certain periods in my life. I think I have had multiple life crisis! I remember at the age of 10 I had horrible depression and sat around reflecting how I had now reached double digits and that I was old! I had another at the age of 25, thinking about my God I am a quarter through my life! Now at the age of 34 I feel so old and upset, but deep down I feel like I should be 21! This age has been the roughest because all the years prior even with anxiety, I focused on house, career and family and then attained those things. Now that I have all that, I am questioning it all :blush:

I think along the lines somewhere we lost our true identity by following all the motions society and school tells us to do and we think that is the only way. Institutions such as these really limit us from delving and expressing our true inner gifts. Society puts such time constrainsts too on things making us always feeling like we need to have this and that by this time. When we are affected by change and other life altering affects, sensitive people such as ourselves start to question things. I also think a lot of the issues with deep thinkers is that we are not putting our creative and sensitive energy in the areas that work best for us.

I am certainly praying if I make it to the 40's that I will be at better peace :blush: Huge decisions like children, marriage, etc will hopefully be out of the way and it will make life a bit more enjoyable, however, I know that a pattern exists with me and I am sure I will have plenty to worry about.

But I wonder too if people have GAD and do not know it and then it flares up in certain situations. I also always had a low grade chronic depression all my life and I am sure that doesn't help my situation. But I do notice my moods are affected by my external stimuli so much. If I do not like what I see around me, it affects me at a deeper level than the average joe. I cannot seem to let go of a malfunctioning society and it creates a lot of internal pain for me :lac:

[Oddfish]

Multiple life crises lol. Tell me about it! I didn't get anxious or depressed at all until I was about 17 and that's when the trouble started. First life crisis at 17, second at 21, third at 26 and now the fourth at 34. This one definitely the worst! I anticipate I'll have more over the years. Seems like it's par for the course, though I'd love do to without them! I feel like Dr Who...I need to have a crisis and regenerate into a slightly different version of myself every once in a while :D.

[Mya]

LOL! Trickyvee you have me laughing so hard! Sorry! It seems we are life crisis experts! I agree I need these to regenerate a new version of me as well! I have to admit the age of 10 was a bit too young and 17 for you too! But this one is the ULTIMATE worst and the longest too! I know for sure there will be more coming my way - cannot imagine if I make to menopause age what the heck that will do :blush:

We will get through this latest one with flying colors I am sure. I am still hoping the UFO's exist and one will just whisk me away to Mars! :yesyes: I think secretly my hubby hopes so too!

But at least despite this agony we can still laugh and surely do not feel alone in experiencing it. I will be sure to let you know when the next crisis hits me later in life and we will see if we are on the same schedule :winks:

[Rachel_123]

i've had it since very early childhood, and only realised i had it a year ago!

[Oddfish]

Closer inspection of my diaries reveals severe anxiety developing from summer 2007 (when I finished my PhD) with small bouts of depression. That's when it is obvious that I had decided that I didn't want to stay in the career I was in and that I was worrying about being single and feeling that I was losing my way in life, but this was all conflicting with my need to stay stable and secure and risk free. It's clear that the anxiety was affecting my daily activities then and I did well to limp on for two more years then attempt to spit in the face of it by moving away and starting a new job, but considering what I do now identify as GAD, I'm not surprised that I ended up having a nervous breakdown! I'm still suffering now, despite the medication. I still don't know who I am, what I want or where I'm going and now that I am stuck in the house all day, I have more time to dwell and worry and I'm becoming even more socially anxious, unconfident and frightened of everything. I feel like I am going backwards :unsure:

[Mya]

Trickyvee, honey, you have my sympathies and I want you to know I am exactly in the same boat. I have recognized I do not do well with stagnation, however, I am now at a crossroads where I am paralyzed by fear, the unknown and many other phobias. I am having a complete identity crisis and now I am questioning who I even was before my breakdown in 2007 as well. I feel trapped in my home, anxiety wherever I am, however, I feel like running away at the same time. I sense danger in all directions and fear making any slight move. I am concentrating at home by reading, learning new hobbies such a knitting, jewlery making etc. I have no clue what I am doing but I am trying to explore different outlets. I feel completely isolated and alone and just have this damn impending sense of doom lingering over me. I am sorry to hear this medication is not helping you. I tried some medication last month and ended up with a severe panic attack. I am considering trying something else because this gosh darn depression will not lift. You hang in there and know that we will find the way, it is just taking longer than expected. Wishing you lots of love and prayers.

[Oddfish]

Thankyou so much. We will get through it. One day at a time :hugs:

[Mya]

I am noticing too that I feel as though I have no role models anymore. I envy nobody actually, never really have, but now it seems I have no positive role models anymore and this is frightening. There are far too many distractions in this world: the media, radio, and the internet. I have basically gone to simpler living in that I no longer watch the TV unless they are movies or documentaries. I find everything so artificial and it is a disgrace how we are being spoon fed BS from society. I am blocking these things out and it helps. I think I am fighting LOGIC vs EMOTION. You try and concentrate on small things for now, I know how hard that is with how we feel time is slipping by, but we must be thankful we have our homes and safeguards and dedicating this time on finding those inner gifts are hard but can happen.

I am doing yoga and pilates which helps, as well as drinking loads of chammomile tea. Not to give too much information either, but PMS seems to blow my symptoms to even higher intensity and during those times I try to limit any stressor, although I am constantly stressed even without stress around me! :blush:

[Mya]

Aww thank you! I did not see your post because I was sending another! Sending you lots of love and hugs and we will get through this :hugs: