Are children the key to happiness and how have they affected your GAD

[Mya]

I am looking for honest answers in regards to this question and apologize if this is an "off subject" topic, but I would be refreshed to hear from other anxiety sufferers!

Has anyone had children even though they suffer GAD and how have the children been affected as well as yourselves? I ask this as a GAD sufferer because I feel as though I am going to have a nervous breakdown trying to make the right decision with this :blush:

I not only suffer GAD but I am also a perfectionist. I am having a very very hard time accepting the way the world is going and how it is affecting young people. I am terrified to bring a child into this, yet I am terrified not to as well. I will be a ticking time bomb for 9 months regardless but would love to hear how others have coped with parenting and having GAD and doing it in today's lifestyle.

My fear is that I am going to be an overprotective/helicopter parent and lead myself to burnout with parenting. No matter how much people tell me I can be more laid back with children, I know that will be impossible for me because it will be the most important job I will ever endure.

I am a big time observer as well and sadly all the parents I know look like they are in permanant hell :weep: I absolutely adore children but parenting looks entirely too complicated today and I am not sure if it is worth it or not ( I hate the way that sounds) :blush: But then I think I may regret it if I don't for the rest of life! This has got to be the worst decision I have ever had to face.

[Jenny85]

Absolutely not speaking from experience personally, but I know a few women who had been extremely anxious about everything, and when they were pregnant, they were probably more relaxed than they'd ever been. With anxiety, I think, we focus on ourselves so much, through no fault of our own, and suddenly when you have someone else to think about in such a way, it almost lifts the pressure off you and your own ruminating a bit. Obviously I cannot speak for everyone, and it's easy to say just have faith and you'll do it (not so easy to believe) but I do know people for whom the anxiety has actually eased off a bit during pregnancy. You think about that other wee soul inside you, talk to them, see them almost as a wee bit of a friend and confidant who only you really kow. That's the advice I was given from a few very anxious friends.

[Jenny85]

And PS, parenting does look pretty hellish at times, but remember it's all the running about mental after the kids, night feeds etc...preferable to the hell inside your own head, I'd say. A million other people are going through parenting, but it's only you that's going through the badness in your own head. You won't be alone. Take care.

[pinkpiglet]

I have suffered with anxiety for many years, like my mother and grandfather did! My mum had severe post natal depression and i worried that whenever I had kids I would go down the same road.
My anxiety wasnt so extreme that i put off 'having children', i just preferred to wait until i was in my thirties has i loved the single life. Instead, I carved a career around children. This way i had the best of both worlds, i could spend time with children but give them back at the end of the day and go out and enjoy myself.
When I fell pregnant in 2006 (planned) I was ecstatic and the nine months i carried my son were the healhiest I had ever felt, mind, body and soul!! You could say I glowed!!! My son was born, without a doubt the best day of my life....EVER!! The love I felt was over whelming, its no cliche that the love is over whelming. I was on cloud nine, i sat and waited for the post natal depression to kick in but it never came (for which I am very grareful) I loved been a mum but i was relaxed and laid back, much to the surprise of my friends and family. I had alwayds been highly strung, but motherhood seemed to calm me. I am not a perfectionist so this was never an issue for me, if our routine went to pot i just carried on and regardless and my son is now a happy and confident little boy who worries about nothing!!!

I also have to add that i am far from immune to anxiety, when my son was 14 mths old my lovely Nan passed away and i found myself back in the fold of anxiety and depression, more severe than ever before. Whilst my son was probably the reason i kept going, he was also the reason my recovery was slow. I spent far too much time worrying about how my anxiety would affect him that i failed to see how that was holding me back. I have recovered and now going back through it again. I dont feel that anything can truly cure anxiety. Once a worrier, always a worrier but you must live your life how you wish and dont let the anxiety stop you from achieving all of your goals xxx

[Vixxy]

I wonder the same things. I got married last year and I often wonder if I could bring a child into this world and possibly pass on my brand of crazy onto them. It seems to be a family problem for me too, so i worry that even if its not just them witnessing how I act and copying it, theres also a strong chance its just in their genes. Would I want to do that to my child?
On the other hand I also know I have so much love, care and warmth to offer a child.
In fact without my anxiety I dont think I would be the person I am today in regards to nurturing.
I have spoken to women with anxiety problems that have said that having a child was THE best thing that could have done as its helped take their focus off themselves and onto this little bundle of joy.

[Earthworm]

Hi, I read this thread with so much interest, I am a dad of two (one nearly 4yrs and one 10 month old) and have also suffered from panic & anxiety for over 10 years. I could go on for hours about having kids and family and the stresses it brings, especially to someone with depression, anxiety, OCD etc and yes it does fry you at times but I think it does to any parent even without those added issues. What I would say is that my kids have enriched my life beyond recognition and provided me with some of the most timeless and precious moments. They have also distracted me from my illness for very long periods of time and put life into perspective when things get overwhelming. When my daughter was born I was so overjoyed at being a dad and got so wrapped up in it all I was panic free for well over a year - even with the sleep deprevation. In my opinion and experience people who suffer as people here do tend to have an overwhelming capacity for nurturing and are some of the most caring, loving and understanding people on this earth, all qualities that make up great parents.

[JaneC]

I developed awful panic attacks after my first son was born and had PNDx3. I found the early years of their lives incredibly stressful, not helped by the fact they were all born within three and a half years and that my husband's MS became apparent when they weren't very old.

BUT: The three of them, teenagers now, are such wonderful people! Clever, funny and very loving and caring. I am so proud of them and when everything else seems to have been falling apart in the last couple of years, they have been such a source of joy and pride.

I've even managed to give myself some credit for the way they are, I can't be such a hopeless person after all! My father had terrible mental health issues, my mum eventually a few as well. I can't say how much of my problems have been down to nature or to nurture but my kids are remarkably well balanced individuals for the most part, given that they have my genes and also have grown up with my panic/anxiety/depression :yesyes:

[Mya]

Thank you so much everyone for your kind and honest responses. The parents that responded, your children are truly blessed to have you. And to the non parents in the same boat, I wish you luck and know whatever is meant to be will happen. Thank you so much again :)

[Mudskipper]

Hate to be a party-pooper but if I'd had the faintest idea how having children would affect me and my anxiety, there's no way I would ever have started a family. Given my time again, I don't think I'd even get involved with anyone. It's not that I don't love them, God knows I do but the constant mental torment of worry and anxiety for their future have reduced me to a paranoid, neurotic wreck and frankly the last ten years or so have been almost sheer hell from beginning to end. This probably sounds like I'm blaming them for my problems, but I'm not. It isn't their fault that their daddy's so damn useless and it isn't their fault that I was afraid to reveal my doubts ten years back when my wife first broached the subject.
My advice to you is think very carefully. After all, the children could end up suffering as much as you.

[Thumbelina]

My children are the little stars and they keep me going when many other things make no sense. They know when i am not feeling very well, and they are very understanding, thought they are only 7 and 6.

My GAD was provoked by PND but children are blessing

Never doubt having children if you are medically not restricted

[samtheman]

I have 2 kids, both under 5 but even at this young age they are displaying symptoms of anxiety, they both have the type of personality prone to anxiety unfortunately, I just hope they don't have the life i've had

[Mya]

Thanks, Sam. I am sorry to hear your children are displaying anxiety. My mother's entire family is anxious and I am not sure if this is genetic or learned. I too am afraid that if I were to have children they would suffer like I am. However, I think anxiety is becoming a common thing today sadly for the young. I wish you and your children the best and hope everything works out for you. Thanks for responding.

[blueangel]

It's now too late for me to have children as I'm going through the menopause and for while I did wonder whether I would ever regret my decision to not have children.

For me, it was entirely the right thing.

I don't have one atom of maternal instinct, and never have had. I'm also nowhere near patient or tolerant enough, and I think I would probably have been a very strict parent (which isn't necessarily a completely bad thing!). Also, I've never, ever felt *comfortable* around children - even when I was a child myself; I much preferred the company of adults as they were far more interesting.

Also, my own upbringing was really crappy and I'm really not confident that I would have learned from my mother's mistakes and done it differently. I spent a lot of my childhood confused and unhappy because of the odd environment that I was in.

I also suspect that had I had any children, they would have picked up my anxiety, whether they inherited it or learned my behaviour, and I wouldn't have wanted that for another person; it's bad enough living with it myself, as I first developed anxiety when I was 7 and have had it on and off ever since.

I am curious as to what sort of child I would have had; whether it would have inherited some of the more interesting things about me (I'm musical/creative/arty), but it never developed into anything more than curiosity, which is why I never did anything active about it.

The sting in the tail for me now though, is that I have (in effect) two stepchildren, as my partner has two, aged 12 and 9. I really, really struggle with them; even after nearly three years, I still don't feel comfortable with them and I suppose I never will, at least until they become adults.

I "manage" - I contribute to feeding them and looking after them (they are with us about a third of the time, which is quite a lot), but I never really get anything back from them in the way that a parent gets a return from their own children. At the moment while I'm having quite a bad anxiety relapse, I'm finding this enormously stressful. :weep:

[Thefear7]

At the moment there is no way i want kids, i dont want them to see what im going through and they could end up like me.