Hysteria
08-07-10, 00:45
I thought I should introduce myself. I've gotta admit though I'm a little nervous but in such appreciation that people create websites like this. I've been at my wits end trying to explain how I feel to people and, as the saying goes, if you haven't had it you won't know what it is like. Its brilliant that people create these to keep people connected and informed about it, kinda makes you realise you aren't alone.
I'm a 20 year old guy living in Leeds and I've had bouts of anxiety and agoraphobia when I was 15 - 16. I know that may seem rather young to a lot of you but I'm gay and, of course, the pressure that creates caused me to become very hidden from everything. I had a pretty hard time coming to terms with it. Anyway, I had to drop out of 6th form because it became too much. I suffered from the social anxiety where you think EVERYONE is staring at you and laughing, its awful. Time passed and I became a recluse for a while, I couldn't face going out. I met a guy, moved to London and everything was going well. I thought it was all just part of being a teenager perhaps and also accepting that I was gay.
We inevitably split up after two years in 2008; like most young love relationships do. It was at this time I began to feel low. I thought it was normal so I decided to take on new friends and a new beginning to my life. I enrolled with college to study Law, Politics, History and English. I had aspirations of becoming a barrister since law has always been a strong interest with me.
Life was going brilliant, I was going out more than I ever had before. I was making new friends and loving life then one night around March 2009 I found myself unable to breathe in bed. It really shook me because no matter how hard I tried to breathe I just didn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. I was rather freaked out. I went to the doctors the next day because, being a man, I'm a bit of a worry freak at the best of times with medical problems. The doctor diagnosed me with a sore throat but I know it wasn't however at the time I didn't really think anything more. Maybe she was right? Who knows.
A few days later I was sat downstairs on the laptop and just watching tv, just relaxing. Then I had my FIRST panic attack and I was terrified. I didn't know at the time what it was and I just freaked, it finally passed after about an hour but it was so intense, I thought I was going to pass out.
Time passed and I tried to ignore it but I couldn't, I felt like I was in a haze all the time just not able to focus on ANYTHING.
I went back to the doctors and they informed me that I was suffering with acute anxiety, telling me that it would pass on its own. Well, it didn't.
Eventually I was struggling to get on the bus to go to college, to sit in a classroom and walking alone was terrifying because the social side of everyone looking at me came back from when I was young. I couldn't believe it, it was horrible then and its back with vengeance. This time thought I was having terrible nausea, a funny stomach and sleepless nights.
Through this time I went back and back to the doctors trying to get it sorted. In the end they prescribed me with Propranolol and told me this would help, it didn't.
Well, maybe I'm lying there it helped slightly, never anything significant.
They also referred me for counselling which was a complete waste of time. I sat and spoke in my first assessment. The counsellor seemed more interested in her coffee and looking at the clock than speaking to me.
After they realised these were not helping (and around 50 appointments later) it was suggested that I try SSRI tablets. At first I refused. At the age of 20 it made me feel weak, I see people my age going out and having a fun time all the time where I just cant face it. I can't do anything.
I eventually had to drop out of college, I couldn't take it. I got into my final year of a levels ready to go to university and I just couldn't face it any more. The college didn't support me at all they just told me to attend, totally not believing me when I told them I couldn't most days.
I also had to quit my job, working in a kitchen with sharp knives while suffering from anxiety is not good, especially when you spontaneously have an attack. (nearly took my fingers off a fair few times)
My symptoms never died down.
- Lethargy
- Mood swings
- Lack of appetite
- Nausea
- Indigestion
- Migraines
- Insomnia
These are just a few that stick out in mind.
So here I am, unemployed and unable to do hardly anything outdoors unless I get a real lucky day where I can do something without feeling like a complete and utter loser by having to escape because of my mind.
I've succumbed to the inevitable and I am now taking 10mg Citalopram daily, soon to up to 20mg.
I'm sorry for this long introduction but I feel I need to tell it to someone, anyone, to see if they can tell me that they have or do go through the same things as me and I just want to know that there is light at the end of this tunnel because it seems that I have been trying in vain for so long to fix it when I can't.
I'm 20, too young to sit inside all day and waste my youth because of it.
I'm a 20 year old guy living in Leeds and I've had bouts of anxiety and agoraphobia when I was 15 - 16. I know that may seem rather young to a lot of you but I'm gay and, of course, the pressure that creates caused me to become very hidden from everything. I had a pretty hard time coming to terms with it. Anyway, I had to drop out of 6th form because it became too much. I suffered from the social anxiety where you think EVERYONE is staring at you and laughing, its awful. Time passed and I became a recluse for a while, I couldn't face going out. I met a guy, moved to London and everything was going well. I thought it was all just part of being a teenager perhaps and also accepting that I was gay.
We inevitably split up after two years in 2008; like most young love relationships do. It was at this time I began to feel low. I thought it was normal so I decided to take on new friends and a new beginning to my life. I enrolled with college to study Law, Politics, History and English. I had aspirations of becoming a barrister since law has always been a strong interest with me.
Life was going brilliant, I was going out more than I ever had before. I was making new friends and loving life then one night around March 2009 I found myself unable to breathe in bed. It really shook me because no matter how hard I tried to breathe I just didn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. I was rather freaked out. I went to the doctors the next day because, being a man, I'm a bit of a worry freak at the best of times with medical problems. The doctor diagnosed me with a sore throat but I know it wasn't however at the time I didn't really think anything more. Maybe she was right? Who knows.
A few days later I was sat downstairs on the laptop and just watching tv, just relaxing. Then I had my FIRST panic attack and I was terrified. I didn't know at the time what it was and I just freaked, it finally passed after about an hour but it was so intense, I thought I was going to pass out.
Time passed and I tried to ignore it but I couldn't, I felt like I was in a haze all the time just not able to focus on ANYTHING.
I went back to the doctors and they informed me that I was suffering with acute anxiety, telling me that it would pass on its own. Well, it didn't.
Eventually I was struggling to get on the bus to go to college, to sit in a classroom and walking alone was terrifying because the social side of everyone looking at me came back from when I was young. I couldn't believe it, it was horrible then and its back with vengeance. This time thought I was having terrible nausea, a funny stomach and sleepless nights.
Through this time I went back and back to the doctors trying to get it sorted. In the end they prescribed me with Propranolol and told me this would help, it didn't.
Well, maybe I'm lying there it helped slightly, never anything significant.
They also referred me for counselling which was a complete waste of time. I sat and spoke in my first assessment. The counsellor seemed more interested in her coffee and looking at the clock than speaking to me.
After they realised these were not helping (and around 50 appointments later) it was suggested that I try SSRI tablets. At first I refused. At the age of 20 it made me feel weak, I see people my age going out and having a fun time all the time where I just cant face it. I can't do anything.
I eventually had to drop out of college, I couldn't take it. I got into my final year of a levels ready to go to university and I just couldn't face it any more. The college didn't support me at all they just told me to attend, totally not believing me when I told them I couldn't most days.
I also had to quit my job, working in a kitchen with sharp knives while suffering from anxiety is not good, especially when you spontaneously have an attack. (nearly took my fingers off a fair few times)
My symptoms never died down.
- Lethargy
- Mood swings
- Lack of appetite
- Nausea
- Indigestion
- Migraines
- Insomnia
These are just a few that stick out in mind.
So here I am, unemployed and unable to do hardly anything outdoors unless I get a real lucky day where I can do something without feeling like a complete and utter loser by having to escape because of my mind.
I've succumbed to the inevitable and I am now taking 10mg Citalopram daily, soon to up to 20mg.
I'm sorry for this long introduction but I feel I need to tell it to someone, anyone, to see if they can tell me that they have or do go through the same things as me and I just want to know that there is light at the end of this tunnel because it seems that I have been trying in vain for so long to fix it when I can't.
I'm 20, too young to sit inside all day and waste my youth because of it.