Electric Blue
08-07-10, 10:40
Hi everyone,
I'm not sure whether this should go under "health anxiety" or OCD. Since March I have convinced myself I have many various illnesses.
March 2010: I had a persistent cough that wouldn't go away. I went and saw a respiratory specialist about it all, and he couldn't find anything wrong. He then gave me a nasal spray and said "if this doesn't help you may have a growth on your voicebox."
I thought nothing of it, until I googled "growth in voicebox" and well of course the cancer word shows up and I am convinced I have throat cancer! I can even feel a lump in my throat and all.
I was so convinced that I went to a ENT, and he told me that everything was fine....so that was all good I was fine.
I was alright for a while until June, I had a massive headache and had headaches coming off and on for days...and me being me convinced myself I had a brain tumour *sighs* Just when I thought my worries were over.
I went to the doctor who referred me to a psychologist, I've only had one session so far (got another tomorrow)
So I dont know what happened, but I finally got over the whole "I have a brain tumour in" but it was short lived and I dont know why but I starting thinking about my past.
When I was a kid (back in 1997 or 1998) I went down to the local creek with two boys, and we found this muddy puddle with tadpoles....so being kids we wanted to catch them and take them home.
The boys had their shoes off, and were wading in this puddle in bare feet. I was always very conscious of the fact that we saw syringes at the creek and I was a bit worried about them, but the boys were doing it so I thought I would be fine.
I remember wading through the mud, I feel pokes and things touch the soles of my feet but nothing was overly painful, and I'm fairly sure I checked my feet and I saw no broken skin or blood and I thought nothing of it.
I wasn't in there for long, and I had to leave early...the boys stayed behind a bit longer.
The next day at school one of the boys told me how the other boy found a huge frog as they were apparently digging through this mud, and they apparently also found "all these syringes."
I was terrified, I didn't know what to think. I was worried I may have been pricked but wasn't sure...
Since then I've had various blood tests for things like Glandular fever (which I had a few years ago) and I well had basically forgotten about all those years and figured that if something like HIV or Hep C was in my blood they would've found it.
Because I've been so anxiety recently. I googled "Can a routine blood test show Hep C/ HIV" only to find that apparently...no it can't...and also they can lie dormant for years and years and years.
I went to my doctor today and told her what I was concerned about, she seems to think I would've been sick by now...and that I am being irrational and she's 99% sure I don't have anything. But I could have a test to see the negative results on a piece of paper if I wanted...so I thought she was going to give me one...although she stood up as if she wanted me to leave...and I said "Dont you want me to take the test?" and so she gave it to me.
So I thought I would do it, get it over with...now I have a 3 day wait and I have made an appointment for Monday to find out once and for all.
I honestly don't know if I stepped on anything...I dont remember feeling anything...I think the words from that boy that day "we found all these syringes" have stuck in my mind...
My anxiety is through the roof, I am terrified of bad news...I'm meant to be getting married next year...I want to be happy and focus on my wedding but I am scared that the worst could happen.
I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow and the weekend, and I am dreading possible bad news on Monday...
Never in my life have I felt like this...I am terrified :frown:
I'm not sure whether this should go under "health anxiety" or OCD. Since March I have convinced myself I have many various illnesses.
March 2010: I had a persistent cough that wouldn't go away. I went and saw a respiratory specialist about it all, and he couldn't find anything wrong. He then gave me a nasal spray and said "if this doesn't help you may have a growth on your voicebox."
I thought nothing of it, until I googled "growth in voicebox" and well of course the cancer word shows up and I am convinced I have throat cancer! I can even feel a lump in my throat and all.
I was so convinced that I went to a ENT, and he told me that everything was fine....so that was all good I was fine.
I was alright for a while until June, I had a massive headache and had headaches coming off and on for days...and me being me convinced myself I had a brain tumour *sighs* Just when I thought my worries were over.
I went to the doctor who referred me to a psychologist, I've only had one session so far (got another tomorrow)
So I dont know what happened, but I finally got over the whole "I have a brain tumour in" but it was short lived and I dont know why but I starting thinking about my past.
When I was a kid (back in 1997 or 1998) I went down to the local creek with two boys, and we found this muddy puddle with tadpoles....so being kids we wanted to catch them and take them home.
The boys had their shoes off, and were wading in this puddle in bare feet. I was always very conscious of the fact that we saw syringes at the creek and I was a bit worried about them, but the boys were doing it so I thought I would be fine.
I remember wading through the mud, I feel pokes and things touch the soles of my feet but nothing was overly painful, and I'm fairly sure I checked my feet and I saw no broken skin or blood and I thought nothing of it.
I wasn't in there for long, and I had to leave early...the boys stayed behind a bit longer.
The next day at school one of the boys told me how the other boy found a huge frog as they were apparently digging through this mud, and they apparently also found "all these syringes."
I was terrified, I didn't know what to think. I was worried I may have been pricked but wasn't sure...
Since then I've had various blood tests for things like Glandular fever (which I had a few years ago) and I well had basically forgotten about all those years and figured that if something like HIV or Hep C was in my blood they would've found it.
Because I've been so anxiety recently. I googled "Can a routine blood test show Hep C/ HIV" only to find that apparently...no it can't...and also they can lie dormant for years and years and years.
I went to my doctor today and told her what I was concerned about, she seems to think I would've been sick by now...and that I am being irrational and she's 99% sure I don't have anything. But I could have a test to see the negative results on a piece of paper if I wanted...so I thought she was going to give me one...although she stood up as if she wanted me to leave...and I said "Dont you want me to take the test?" and so she gave it to me.
So I thought I would do it, get it over with...now I have a 3 day wait and I have made an appointment for Monday to find out once and for all.
I honestly don't know if I stepped on anything...I dont remember feeling anything...I think the words from that boy that day "we found all these syringes" have stuck in my mind...
My anxiety is through the roof, I am terrified of bad news...I'm meant to be getting married next year...I want to be happy and focus on my wedding but I am scared that the worst could happen.
I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow and the weekend, and I am dreading possible bad news on Monday...
Never in my life have I felt like this...I am terrified :frown: