Anxiety levels through the roof please help!

[Electric Blue]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure whether this should go under "health anxiety" or OCD. Since March I have convinced myself I have many various illnesses.

March 2010: I had a persistent cough that wouldn't go away. I went and saw a respiratory specialist about it all, and he couldn't find anything wrong. He then gave me a nasal spray and said "if this doesn't help you may have a growth on your voicebox."

I thought nothing of it, until I googled "growth in voicebox" and well of course the cancer word shows up and I am convinced I have throat cancer! I can even feel a lump in my throat and all.

I was so convinced that I went to a ENT, and he told me that everything was fine....so that was all good I was fine.

I was alright for a while until June, I had a massive headache and had headaches coming off and on for days...and me being me convinced myself I had a brain tumour *sighs* Just when I thought my worries were over.

I went to the doctor who referred me to a psychologist, I've only had one session so far (got another tomorrow)

So I dont know what happened, but I finally got over the whole "I have a brain tumour in" but it was short lived and I dont know why but I starting thinking about my past.

When I was a kid (back in 1997 or 1998) I went down to the local creek with two boys, and we found this muddy puddle with tadpoles....so being kids we wanted to catch them and take them home.
The boys had their shoes off, and were wading in this puddle in bare feet. I was always very conscious of the fact that we saw syringes at the creek and I was a bit worried about them, but the boys were doing it so I thought I would be fine.
I remember wading through the mud, I feel pokes and things touch the soles of my feet but nothing was overly painful, and I'm fairly sure I checked my feet and I saw no broken skin or blood and I thought nothing of it.
I wasn't in there for long, and I had to leave early...the boys stayed behind a bit longer.

The next day at school one of the boys told me how the other boy found a huge frog as they were apparently digging through this mud, and they apparently also found "all these syringes."

I was terrified, I didn't know what to think. I was worried I may have been pricked but wasn't sure...

Since then I've had various blood tests for things like Glandular fever (which I had a few years ago) and I well had basically forgotten about all those years and figured that if something like HIV or Hep C was in my blood they would've found it.

Because I've been so anxiety recently. I googled "Can a routine blood test show Hep C/ HIV" only to find that apparently...no it can't...and also they can lie dormant for years and years and years.

I went to my doctor today and told her what I was concerned about, she seems to think I would've been sick by now...and that I am being irrational and she's 99% sure I don't have anything. But I could have a test to see the negative results on a piece of paper if I wanted...so I thought she was going to give me one...although she stood up as if she wanted me to leave...and I said "Dont you want me to take the test?" and so she gave it to me.

So I thought I would do it, get it over with...now I have a 3 day wait and I have made an appointment for Monday to find out once and for all.

I honestly don't know if I stepped on anything...I dont remember feeling anything...I think the words from that boy that day "we found all these syringes" have stuck in my mind...

My anxiety is through the roof, I am terrified of bad news...I'm meant to be getting married next year...I want to be happy and focus on my wedding but I am scared that the worst could happen.

I don't know how I am going to get through tomorrow and the weekend, and I am dreading possible bad news on Monday...

Never in my life have I felt like this...I am terrified :frown:

[dreena]

isnt it awful that deep down inside you know theres nothing wrong, but this irrational fear still takes over... and once you get these test results and they come back negative, you will find something else wrong with you. i have this exact anxiety and i also have no control over it.... sometimes i think my doctor must think im mad... but its a very common illness.

its a scarey illness, a vicious circle. you need to get some control back of your thoughts now, have you tried CBT? i found it helped with thought control.. i can go through months and months being fine, then something will happen and all of a sudden im having a heart attack, a stroke, got a brain tumor or cancer. and when i look at it written down it looks rediculous... but i just cant stop thinking about it.

then it effects my life as im so busy imagining my fate im distant and snappy to my husband family and kids...

try focusing on your wedding. i got married last year, and was pregnant, and was soooo occupied that i didnt have time for these thoughts.

when you feel like this phone some one for a chat, doesnt have to be about how your feeling. talk about something else. distract yourself in any way you can.

i have lived with this for many years now, and have learned to be happy and have more control over my mind.. but it still gets me at times

once you learn to cotrol your thoughts, it makes it that bit easier to deal with.

good luck with them results, although i dont think you need luck, and if you havnt already, think about asking your doctor about CBT x x

[Electric Blue]

Thanks Dreena, and yes I absolutely agree with you.

My fiancee, sister and mother think I am being silly and that if I can remember so many details from that day I would definitely remember stepping on a needle!

I will definitely ask about CBT when I see the doctor on Monday to get my results.

I'm really really really hoping for good news come Monday morning, then I can put this fear and my past to rest for good. I am worried I may focus on something else...although I don't know what I could possibly focus on =/ but anxiety is so random.

I am trying to look at this rationally, but I feel so hopeless...it was 13 - 14 years ago...surely I would've been really sick by now...and if I had stepped on a needle that went into my foot wouldn't it have hurt like hell? Wouldn't I have known about it for sure rather then pondering did it happen? Did it not happen?

Doctor doesn't seem concerned, nor does anyone else except for me...

Things have been going so well in my life at the moment that I think I am terrified of the worst happening...like I am convinced something terrible is going to happen.

I don't get sick often, haven't had a cold in over a year, and I've only ever had the flu once.
I just want good news on Monday and get the weight of the world off my shoulders =(

[blueangel]

If you had stepped on a needle, I'm really, really sure you would have felt it - in fact, it would probably have been really painful as there would have been the full force of your weight on it and you would have had to forcibly remove it. Even if you had just brushed past one and it have scratched you, there would have been a wound present which would have bled.

Therefore I agree with your doctor and think it's very unlikely that you will get anything other than a negative result from the test.

[dreena]

im positive that u would know if you had any type of hep. my brother has hep c and its very obvious he has it. after all these years you would be ill and show up in any blood tests. im totally sure its just your anxious mind playing tricks on you.

its ok for everyone to say your being silly, but you dont know the power axiety and panic have until you have suffered from it... i find it hard with 3 children aged 7, 2 and 4 month old baby.... it upsets me and scares me so much more cos i think what if something happend to me, some times i feel im missing out on things cos i worry sooo much!!!
u will get the answers you are hoping for mon and will be able to move on from this :)

[randomworry]

dont worry too much electricblue im sure you dont have anything because you would be really ill by now

[Electric Blue]

I surely hope so randomworry =/

I'm trying to think the best outcome, its very hard though...

You'd think that after 13 - 14 years you'd surely would've been very ill by now, and would've known about it.

I haven't really been ill, just freaking out =(

[Electric Blue]

Hey all, just giving you an update.

I got the results back this morning and everything was fine *phew* but so relieved to know...

[randomworry]

great news electric blue now get off this forum dont wanna see you again!!

loool