Churned up inside!

[pinkpiglet]

I dont know why this is, I just feel churned up! I am worrying about everything and anything and letting my anxiety take hold. Why do we do this?? I can see it coming but I cant do anything about it. I am trying, am trying fight it and trying to run, all at the same time. Maybe I should just run & run and keep running but this is exhausting and whenever I look over my shoulder anxiety is hot in my tracks. I stop and try to fight it but this is exhausting me too. I am getting no where!!
I am debating wether to go to my gp and just get the ultimate weapon - 'the Meds', sit tight for three months while they kick in and then feel the anxiety lift. Then again, I have fought it before, without the the meds and did such a good job!!
or did i?
If I did such a good job then why is anxiety coming at me again??
Will I ever be free from its pursuit?

I dont want to go out!
well i do!!
But without the symptoms....
depersonalization, headache, churning stomach, tension, fear....you know the rest!!
I want my life back!!!! :weep:

[pinkpiglet]

Am i cracking up?

[Jenny85]

Of course you're not cracking up...just look at all the rest of us on here. You're not alone. I've only been using this forum for a couple of days, but already I find it helps calm me down a bit...do take the help where you can get it. I don't think it's being fair on yourself to suggest you should just run and run and thn turn round and try to whack the anxiety over your head. Remember, it's an amorphous thing, it's not easy to get hold of! I'm assuming you've been on meds before? There's no shame in it. I've just started taking some for the first time in my life and actually feel GLAD thatI've finally taken positive steps - not ashamed.

You owe it to yourself to be kind to yourself, whatever form that takes, meds or no meds. I always feel my anxiety lifts a bit when I'm in charge of looking after someone else, my nieces and nephews, gets me out of my own daft head, because I know they need me to keep them safe and look after them for a wee bit. It's also a productive thing to know that you're looking after yourself, that wee, worried kid inside you, who needs you to be kind to them and take care of them.:hugs:

[pinkpiglet]

Thankyou! I have a son, a little boy of three so I fully understand what you mean. He keeps me going from morning til night and he keeps me strong. The feelings wont subside right now though. They are eating me away and then i feel like a bad mum because I have no motivation or confidence to take him to the park today. Its not like this all the time. I know it is possible to feel good, i'm just not having very many of those days lately. I feel so tired and want to hide away. Its easier!!

I am going to see how I feel after the weekend and if i feel no better then i will go see my GP. x

[Jenny85]

Just remember you're not a bad mum at all. None of this is your fault. I've said on other threads before that anxiety to me is like something floating about, like a cloud. It just bangs into us and comes over us. We don't voluntarily take it in, or receive it through our own actions. It's random, I think. It doesn't choose us, we don't choose it, it's just an unfortuate clash. Go see your GP, be kind to yourself.

Congratulations on raising a wee boy who I'm sure is wonderful and adores his mum. Kids do need our love and protection, but they are also so good at giving love...they don't judge you for being sick or sad, all they see is their lovely mum who is the best person in the world to them. They can love unconditionally, but that doesn't come from nowhere: they learn to love from their kind, loving parents - like you. Please think about that, and be proud.