trying to find some inner strength ......

[juliej]

8 weeks ago I lost my Mum to bowel cancer after a brave 2 1/2 year battle. She was only 62 and was my best friend and apart from my hubbie my safe person. I was strong for her and my dad during everything and was by her side when she passed away at home.

I know its early days and I miss her so so much. But it seems all the worse because I cant talk through my Panic worries with her. Im off to Spain in 5 weeks ( first time flying in 15 years !!) and I feel my anxiety is getting worse and worse.Those negative scenarios are running through my head at 100mph. Mum would have known what to say.

This Panic is pants , I hate that it has such a hold on my life. Im such a happy person and I hate the way it makes me feel :weep: But im determined to start overcoming it. When I went through some of my Mums papers she had left a little note and at the end she had written in capitals
I Love you all so much, be strong and remember life is for living !!

Wise words so i'm going to try to face and accept . I know its not going to be easy after 15years. Im going to see a hypnotherapist who also uses CBT and NLP on Monday so hopefully she will be able to give me the confidence to believe that i can. My husband often says how strong we are, those who suffer from Panic, its just we have forgotten to believe it. :)

Julie xx

[Jannie2948]

Julie, I am so very sorry for your sad loss of your dear mum. It is an awful time I know, when I lost my mum she used to live with me and it was a very sad time. I'm also 62 and I think it is a very young age. You were with her when she passed like I was with my mum and, I know with my mum, it was very peaceful. What a lovely letter she left you and she is so right, life is for living and she would so want you to do that, and to enjoy your holiday. I had hypnosis for my anxiety/panic and I found it so helpful, it's not like what you see on the tv, you are still aware of what is going on around you, or I was, but it was so very relaxing and she put thoughts into my head to deal with my panic or anxiety when it was bad.
I agree with you this panic is 'pants' big time. I've suffered badly for a few months but if I'm honest, have had it most of my adult life but not as bad as when it reared its ugly head about 8 months ago. I'm on meds now and doing so much better.
I wish you all the very best and I hope that your hypnosis/therapy go well for you and that you get on that plane with your mum in your mind guiding you and you will have a wonderful holiday.
All the very best to you
Jannie x x

[Vixxy]

Hi julie. Im very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how it must feel.
My words of comfort would be that your mum may not physically be here, but she can be with you in spirit. Im not in any way religious but I do feel like loved ones who have passed are always with us. Take strength in that she will always be with you.

[juliej]

Thank you Jannie and Vixxy for your kind words they mean a lot. I didnt have a good night last night , hubbie was out with work but ive got to try and put that behind me and look forward :) This heat doesn't help phew. I need a cold shower and i've only walked my daughter to school ! x