View Full Version : Want to take it but so worried!
I love this forum and check it at least once a day but reading everyone's reviews and personal experiences with Citalopram has really put me off. I don't like the thought of taking medication to make me feel better anyway but I feel really unhappy and stuck in my depression and feel like I need to at least try to see if it makes me feel better.
I took one last week and felt very nauseous (which I can deal with) but also my heart was racing and I had pins and needles in my hands, which freaked me out so I didn't take another one.
I've put on weight as part of my depression is that i binge-eat and so lately I've been feeling heart twinges anyway so I wonder if it's safe to go on this medication if it's going to make my heart feel like it's racing even more?
Any advice is greatly appreciated :unsure:
Thanks
Well first of all you will be reading a lot of negative stuff, why is this? Well primarily because a lot of posters are like yourself, in the early stages of taking the medication and having to deal with the side effects. Once they get past them and the medication starts working people tend to drift away from the site and don't bother to relate the fact that they got through it and it's working for them because they're too busy getting on with their lives and feeling fine.
Reading all these negative posts asking for reassurance and help to get through the initial stages can make you feel worse, which may be the case with a lot of the posts, they read others worrying about it and brought it on themselves by worrying about it too, so it's a vicious cycle. You yourself are now worrying because you've read so much negativity and worry on the forums. There are only a few of us who keep posting for long after the Cit has kicked in and started working, but it's worth hunting those posts down, like the one I've been keeping up over the past couple of months.
It's possible you may well have a loss of appetite during the initial stages of taking the Cit, so you may find that useful in getting out of the binge eating cycle and it won't make your heart race I doubt. That is likely happening because of the increased adrenaline in your system caused by the anxiety, as that decreases your blood pressure should drop a bit and you hopefully won't have the heart racing much.
What dosage has the doctor started you on, you may wish to start with just 5 or 10mg to begin then up the dose to 15 or 20mg as your body gets used to the Cit.
Better days
Shaun
Thanks for your response.
My Dr has given me a prescription of one month on 10mg and then 2 months on 20mg. I should be taking them but they just sit in my drawer and I come on here and read something that shocks me (like brain zaps!) and puts me off taking them. I do agree with you in that if someone is feeling better from the medication, it's rare that they'll go out of their way to come back and talk about it.
Just no matter how much I read, the thought of antidepressants and how they work and their side effects does not sit well with me. I really don't know what other options I have thought other than sit in my house all day and feel sorry for myself which doesn't get me anywhere.
Both myself and Yvonne were dubious about taking meds but we're doing ok on Citalopram, there comes a point where you realise you can't do it alone and so accepting help is a good move.
In the end it's up to you but I feel good with the Cit and so does Yvonne, chances are you'll find the relief you need once they get to work. And they don't turn you into a zombie, they do affect you in different ways for a while but you don't tend to have the same sort of effects that were attributed to some of the old school benzos.
Go and read through Yvonne_Belle's posts, she was very much like you at the start, now she's happy she started, they've helped her a lot.
Shaun
I'm going to have a read through her previous posts now, thanks Shaun.
happycamper
09-07-10, 13:57
Hi I'll throw in a positive!! Felt similarly in that anti depressants didn't sit well with me either, I had them hidden away from my husband for 2 weeks before owning up, started taking 10mg even though I was prescribed 20mg from the start, yes have had some of the side effects mainly in the 1st few days, but still managed to work ok and be a mum to my young children, now 4 weeks later I've just started taking the full 20mg after previously chopping less and less off the tablets and seem to be ok with them, I actually haven't had the debilitating anxiety I'd been experiencing since starting them, maybe the placebo effect, maybe a co-incidence but absolutely no regrets and hoping now it's the start of a full recovery.
Best of luck!
But what happens when they stop working? What about the withdrawal?
Well who says the have to stop working and withdrawal isn't really an issue, your doctor simply tells you how to cut down the dosage to the point where you can stop taking them. They aren't like medication like Diazepam where you get terrible withdrawal symptoms when you stop taking them, you can simply ease down the dosage over a couple of weeks and then stop taking them if you've been on Cit for a while.
Reading all the negative posts on here doesn't do you any good, and believing that they will stop working because you read someone else claiming that they have won't help at all.
But that's not true?
I was on Seroxat for 12 years and they stopped working.... the withdrawal was horrendous?
This is what frightens me about starting Cit. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound negative.... just concerned.
So they worked for 12 years? Essentially medications aren't a complete cure, they are supposed to be there to give you enough space to deal with the problem in the long term, and all SSRI's are not the same, some don't work for some people which is why everybody isn't taking the exact same medication.
Did you try and address the problems you had in those 12 years on Seroxat or did you simply rely on them to do all the work? There are probably any number of reasons why they stopped working, your body chemistry changes over time due to environmental conditions and natural ageing. Some times meds do stop working as they used to. like I said not everybody is the same, cit doesn't work for everybody so they need another form of SSRI or med to deal with the depression or anxiety.
Try reading the survival guide and try talking to your doc about your worries, but lots of people benefit from taking cit so why shouldn't you?
Yes.... I know.
You can see where I'm coming from though?
No, no further help was offered and after a 3 year wait I have just managed to get some CBT, but I think my mental state is concerning my therapist.
Don't really know what to do. Not trying to scare monger anyone though.
I'm not talking about further help being offered, I'm talking about you working to sort out the problems, CBT is one thing but you can try to examine what is making you depressed or anxious without that, which is what I've been doing. Expecting someone else to do it all is where the problems can start.
Once you start to get an objective view of your life and your problems, which is what the meds like cit help you to do by reducing the anxiety and desperation, you may start to get a better idea of the causes of your anxiety and/or depression.
It does take a long time to get on CBT because of the waiting lists, but there is plenty you can do for yourself. I've been going through things a lot, some of which I've documented in my thread on this forum and I feel that I've at least made a start to deal with the problems, I'm not sitting around waiting for CBT, that may not work so why sit around waiting for someone else to wave a magic wand?
Part of beating this in the long term is taking responsibility and being pro-active, getting on with it and not hoping that someone else is going to take care of it all, which is what we often do when we're so anxious and feel we can't deal with our lives, I was there not so long back, I don't intend to go back if I can help it!
Better days Catya and Sas
Shaun
So are you off medication Raindog?
No, but I'm just at the end of week 8, they suggest taking them for at least 6 months to help level the seratonin levels out. I don't intend to be on them for a long time if I can help it though.
bomberbeamish
09-07-10, 19:14
hey shawn,,,, im changing over night from 60mg prozac to 40mg of cit,,, wot your feeling on that,, as im scared of withdrawals from prozac and then side effects from cit,,, can i end up having them all together,, help
Hi Bomber,
I really couldn't say, 40mg of cit is quite a high dose and I don't have any experience of prozac so I couldn't tell you. I would talk to your doc about starting on such a high dose of cit, maybe they think it's necessary after the 60mg of prozac but I'm not a health professional so really couldn't say how they interact or anything, sorry.
Shaun
Hi all,
Just to back Shaun up, I too was really worried about taking them, but after 20 years of depression on and off, friends and family persuaded me that nothing else was working so give meds a go. I started straight on 20mg and actually ended up in hospital with the side effects, so went back to my GP and we started again on 5mg, slowly working up to 20mg where I am now roughly 2 months in. Like Shaun, I'm not fixed, but boy do I feel better. Like Shaun I feel i can begin to tackle to root causes now as I can look at life in a more rational calm way. I can function "normally" at the moment, so am able to work and socialise which all helps me in the mending process. I'm not saying I don't have dips as I do, but overall looking back over the past few months I am amazed at how improved I have been.
So my advice - yes it is scarey, I was worried it would change my personality, but start small and increase as you and your GP feel your body is coping. And it IS worth it!
Rachel
YvonneBelle
11-07-10, 11:07
Hi there,
Yes, I had all the same worries and concerns except that I was coming from a place of never having taking any meds before - so you can imagine how scared I was!!
I didn't like how the first 20mg felt so purely from getting advice here I weaned myself up to 20mg which amused my doc when I told her I'd bought a pill cutter and was chopping my pills into little pieces so I could take 10, then 15 then 20mg doses.
However, it worked and she's just happy that I'm now on 20mg fine.
I am taking this step by step just like many others here and am charting my progress... but my attitude towards ADs has changed significantly.
I can't deny there was a significant transformation pretty much as soon as I started taking them!
My only bother at the moment is getting off to sleep but it IS improving as long as I take plenty of exercise and eat well and I've found that taking half a hayfever tablet at night, drinking oolong tea and reading for an hour helps me to get off to sleep better rather than just switching the tv or laptop off and going straight to bed.
I really do understand the fear and I sat on the fence for ages but don't regret taking the plunge.
It's a decision only you can make so best of luck with whatever you decide.
Remember though, indecision is part of being depressed. Feeling better helps you to focus and see things more clearly and it doesn't change your personality!!
All the best,
Yvonne :flowers:
Thanks for your advice Yvonne. There just seems to be so many concerns I have that put me off taking it, including weight gain, feeling sick, headaches, not being able to sleep, increase in suicidal thoughts.. The thing is I'm very isolated at the moment and I just worry that taking these without close support could be dangerous?
Anyway I appreciate everyone's advice, I really feel I have to stop thinking as much and just make the commitment to try them. Otherwise I will continue to live a non-existent life and feel angry and sad about it. That's no way to live.
I just sometimes wonder if the hurt and neglect I feel as an adult which has been carried over from my childhood - if i'll be able to accept it and move on? Sometimes I think it's too late and I'll always be in this pain.. and that taking citalopram will just try to mask these issues but they'll still be there.
hi - i am now a big fan of taking the no meds approach because every ssri i have been on has petered out after a few years and its basically because we don't actually deal with the anxiety itself or our flaws that led to it getting out of control. i now live a life that is more true to who i am as a person. i felt terrible when starting citalopram - i have also felt terrible coming off but it does not happen with everyone.
i am not saying you don;t feel bad but most people on them i think felt soooo bad that there was no question of should i/shouldn't i take them!
i am now on 7.5mg - i still feel anxious quite a lot of the time but it does not bother me and i have come through horrendous patches of anxiety whilst i was on meds. recent reports have suggested they are no better than placebos anyway!
If you are questioning whether you should take them then i honestly don't think you need them. why not get yourself some good books about overcoming it naturally - at last a life by paul david is excellent and he has his own website x
ps - was the heart racing your anxiety about taking it or actually down to the cit? the older type of antidepressants - i can't take as they do make my heart race and did nothing for my mood whatsoever!
Hi joannap, thanks for your input. I've read books on overcoming depression and overcoming low self-esteem and whilst I found myself really relating and agreeing to all the info in them, because I have such low mood everyday, I find it really hard to motivate myself to change. I just have this whole 'what's the point' attitude all the time. I guess I'm hoping that if I took citalopram, it may help improve this?
In regards to the heart racing, no i don't think it was anxiety, it was shortly after I took the tablet and my heart felt tighter and definitely was racing. Obviously then feeling anxious about it, may have made it worse but it definitely was a side effect of the tablet.
Because of the neglect I endured as a child, I had to kinda create my own reality in order to survive. The problem I have now is realising that does not exist and trying to be happy in real life. I find it really hard. I feel alienated and like i think differently to everyone I meet. It's really difficult to move past this and sometimes I think I just won't...
YvonneBelle
11-07-10, 20:45
Hi there,
Like you I was worried about taking Cit living on my own.
But the thing is, living on your own can be dangerous anyway!! I once replaced a battery in a smoke alarm whilst standing on a chair and hit my head so hard on a door frame after bending down and then standing up too quickly that I nearly knocked myself out!!! lol I could have been lying on the floor spark out for ages and nobody would have known!
My approach to Cit is that it's one of an arsenal of weapons that I'm trying out in order to get well and be happy again. Others include: getting counselling, writing here on this forum, going to the gym, going for walks, seeing friends, talking to family, keeping in regular touch with the doc and taking any other help that is on offer. Cit is just helping me to be ME again.
A few weeks ago I scared the hell out of myself by having a 'what's the point my life is crap' thought. I have never been the type to self harm or think those types of thoughts... but there I was, eyes continually filled to the brim with tears and looking like hell on earth.
And I could barely scrape myself up out of bed or off the sofa... it was as if I was a robot and my batteries had totally been drained....
Also, I couldn't speak properly and would trail off mid-sente
C'mon, you've seen the length of some of my posts!! Blah blah blah. :D
So for me, Cit is all about getting a leg up (rather than a leg over) because it's all about priorities. Feeling well and functioning as normal comes top, everything else is a close runner up and can possibly even wait a bit.
I have now got to the stage where I feel more like rolling my sleeves up and getting stuff done. This isn't easy... nobody ever said it was going to be. I need to find out what's been going wrong and fix it! That's what this is all about. There is no magic pill as such, but for me, Cit has helped me with my energy levels and my mood. Okay, so I had a few sickie moments in the early days but they didn't last very long. A week or two at most.
I nearly didn't take them and perhaps I might have improved with counselling and exercise anyway - who knows - but at the moment I don't even care! But as soon as I get the green light from the doc I will be coming off Cit and by then, hopefully I'll be some way towards figuring out what the root of my anxiety and depression is.
And I'll be coming off slowly... even if that means chopping my pills into tiny pieces and doing it over several weeks.
There IS light at the end of the tunnel but how far away you are now and how you finally get there is very much up to you!
It's a very personal thing indeed.
Hi there,
I have been suffering from Generalised Anxiety and depression for years now and have tried different approaches to getting better. Recently I got soo ill that I had to leave work.
The doc put me on Cit starting at 10mg, at first I had a really bad shaky feeling and was flushed from head to toe. this was because I had been taking Propranalol and didnt know that I was supposed to take both tablets so I think this was withdrawal from Prop. The doc then told me to start taking my prop again with 10mg of Cit and found this fine. I am now on 20mg of Cit and 80 mg of Propranalol which the doc wants to cut down soon. The Cit has really helped me and am feeling much better, as some of the others have said, I still get bad days but less than half than I used to.
The only weird thing that I would say that happened due to cit was my right pupil dilated quite a bit which was quite freaky but that was the worst thing.
I guess my point is that it is worth taking the meds. Obviously I don't want to be on them forever but they are helping for now and that is all that matters. i think it is worrying when you start taking them but your body soon gets used to them and if your GP recommends them then I think you should trust him.
Hope this helps.
Jenn
YvonneBelle
11-07-10, 23:23
The only weird thing that I would say that happened due to cit was my right pupil dilated quite a bit which was quite freaky but that was the worst thing. Jesus, your right pupil dilated??
(Just got back from the mirror - phew!)
:unsure:
Yes, Jenn I had to leave work too. Have been off meds for nearly 4 years now, but it's so difficult.
It's interesting to hear of people's responses to Citalpram. It's because of my experience with Seroxat that I'm so obsessive re weight gain, and what to do when they cease working. The w/d was horrendous.
sas85 - i can relate soooo much to what you say about your childhood - i was not neglected as such but my parents divorced when i was 8 and no one had any idea of how badly it affected me plus the following 8 years of custody/maintenance battles on top. i have often felt i do not live in the same world as anyone else but through a lot of hard work have created a life that allows me to be "me" - for instance - i opted out of the rat race and work from home so i can control my environment/rest if i need to etc.
your whats the point attitude statement really brought me up short because it made me remember when i was at my worst with anxiety and i had read all the books about changing thought patterns/improving self esteem/accepting and floating through anxiety and i was exactly the same - i did not want to put in the hard work unless recovery was guaranteed but then i realised that not taking that chance and putting the hard work in would keep my stuck where i was.
medication helped to a degree but i can honestly say that the real improvement has been since i started to put in the effort (its one of the hardest things i have ever done in my life!) but the rewards are worth it. i look back at the me who expected to be cured after reading a book lol! i reached a point where i was so determined to actually get myself well (it took 10 yrs to reach this point) and yes - i still have mild anxiety pretty much all of the time but it does not bother me, i live a full life and am down to 7.5 mg citalopram xx
Thank your responses/advice everyone.
I had prepared to start taking the 10mg tablets this Monday but I'm sick at the moment with an ear infection so intend to wait until I finish the anitbiotics before I start with the citalopram.
You guys have mentioned the citalopram helping you, can you be more specific? Has it just helped in your general mood everyday? Have you noticed less negative thoughts? I need to feel that life is worth living, that I can be happy and have good relationships with people and that I am actually good at something and can get a job. Do you guys think it will help me to feel motivated to change or feel better about these things?
I'm still apprehensive but at this point don't know what else i can do...
Thanks again :)
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