deslynn
10-07-10, 16:41
Hello anyone who is reading this...I'm a mother of two in my mid twenties and I am thankful to have found this site!
My biggest issue is that both sides of my fear are not unfounded. I have had some health history that could cause my symptoms (gallbladder infection/removal with frequent residual pain, teeth issues, chronic ear issues, allergies) and I am a prime candidate for health anxiety. Many people in my family have it, coupled with conditions of their own. I also have had a negative personal experience with health anxiety, where I shrugged off my husbands grandmothers constant suggestions that something wasn't right about her health (she complained about her head and stomach) and she passed away unexpectedly. It's truly not passing away that bothers me, it's KNOWING you will that horrifies me, and only since having children.
I haver never dealt with health anxiety before these past few months. Everything else that has happened has felt fairly "routine". I am living overseas stationed with my husband and have access only to a small group of doctors who I do not trust (misdiagnosing common ailments in children, misdiagnosing children with serious issues, dismissing my concerns without looking into them...) Word of mouth is big in our community and my friends have had similar experiences.
I have back/shoulder pain. I have had kidney pain before from an infection and muscle pain and sciatic pain but this is referred pain. I have a hard lump in my lower right abdomen, no appetite, typical symptoms of anxiety (numb body parts, trouble breathing, sleeping, dizziness, strange heart rythyms) and tonight I saw a green light travel across my living room which prompted me to come online because isn't that what people do ;)? Generally I reserve google search for reassuring things (which is why I am likening my symptoms to anxiety, which is not life-threatening, which is obviously my prime concern) and came across this website. I also have had incredibly itchy welts on my legs in the same location that turned into bruises later (diagnosed as spider bite because first occured outside), more swelling than normal in my feet and hands (granted this is a very humid environment but I did not feel like this last year) and I am exhausted and sore. I completed a trans-pacific and across the country trip two months ago alone with both children and the symptoms became severe at that time, but many of them (the itchy skin on legs, hands in particular) had appeared before that. I am getting bloodwork for vitamin deficiencies and thyroid issues but the doctors office here literally sucks and changed my appointment without informing me so I waited in the office for an hour before being notified I would not be seen. With the anxiety I am experiencing due to these symptoms, I became upset and started to cry so left without a) insisting they remedy the situation and b) making another appointment.
I feel like I know my body very well. I also have a very high pain tolerance. I have broken three bones and they were all diagnosed later than usual because doctors assumed I wouldn't be able to withstand the pain of them (thanks, soccer!) I also knew when I was pregnant before testing and knew there was something "not right" with my gallbladder before my first attack. I can never gauge what my pain level is accurately, it has never felt above 7-8ish even in natural childbirth or gallbladder attacks.
So, here it goes: I feel like I am dying. I feel like there is something terribly wrong with me and I am horrified. I am not horrified for me, but for my children and husband, because my kids are both so young. I don't feel like I have the strength to keep going to doctors and hearing "it's probably anxiety, anything else is rare". I am not stupid enough to think it couldn't be serious, three of my closest friends are under 30 and have had cancer.
I do have depression, but I am also in-tune with things, which in-itself can lead to this type of anxiety, so I cannot just talk myself out of it.
I also know that I should not be ashamed if it's "only" health-anxiety, and I am not, but I am very discouraged and frightened and my reaction to that (usually crying) makes me ashamed and I also feel like it makes a doctor look at me and shrug off any other issues.
I have an active life and do a lot of things most people won't get to say they do. Something's just not right...I am hoping it's anxiety so I can begin to move on.
I'm so sorry this is so long.
My biggest issue is that both sides of my fear are not unfounded. I have had some health history that could cause my symptoms (gallbladder infection/removal with frequent residual pain, teeth issues, chronic ear issues, allergies) and I am a prime candidate for health anxiety. Many people in my family have it, coupled with conditions of their own. I also have had a negative personal experience with health anxiety, where I shrugged off my husbands grandmothers constant suggestions that something wasn't right about her health (she complained about her head and stomach) and she passed away unexpectedly. It's truly not passing away that bothers me, it's KNOWING you will that horrifies me, and only since having children.
I haver never dealt with health anxiety before these past few months. Everything else that has happened has felt fairly "routine". I am living overseas stationed with my husband and have access only to a small group of doctors who I do not trust (misdiagnosing common ailments in children, misdiagnosing children with serious issues, dismissing my concerns without looking into them...) Word of mouth is big in our community and my friends have had similar experiences.
I have back/shoulder pain. I have had kidney pain before from an infection and muscle pain and sciatic pain but this is referred pain. I have a hard lump in my lower right abdomen, no appetite, typical symptoms of anxiety (numb body parts, trouble breathing, sleeping, dizziness, strange heart rythyms) and tonight I saw a green light travel across my living room which prompted me to come online because isn't that what people do ;)? Generally I reserve google search for reassuring things (which is why I am likening my symptoms to anxiety, which is not life-threatening, which is obviously my prime concern) and came across this website. I also have had incredibly itchy welts on my legs in the same location that turned into bruises later (diagnosed as spider bite because first occured outside), more swelling than normal in my feet and hands (granted this is a very humid environment but I did not feel like this last year) and I am exhausted and sore. I completed a trans-pacific and across the country trip two months ago alone with both children and the symptoms became severe at that time, but many of them (the itchy skin on legs, hands in particular) had appeared before that. I am getting bloodwork for vitamin deficiencies and thyroid issues but the doctors office here literally sucks and changed my appointment without informing me so I waited in the office for an hour before being notified I would not be seen. With the anxiety I am experiencing due to these symptoms, I became upset and started to cry so left without a) insisting they remedy the situation and b) making another appointment.
I feel like I know my body very well. I also have a very high pain tolerance. I have broken three bones and they were all diagnosed later than usual because doctors assumed I wouldn't be able to withstand the pain of them (thanks, soccer!) I also knew when I was pregnant before testing and knew there was something "not right" with my gallbladder before my first attack. I can never gauge what my pain level is accurately, it has never felt above 7-8ish even in natural childbirth or gallbladder attacks.
So, here it goes: I feel like I am dying. I feel like there is something terribly wrong with me and I am horrified. I am not horrified for me, but for my children and husband, because my kids are both so young. I don't feel like I have the strength to keep going to doctors and hearing "it's probably anxiety, anything else is rare". I am not stupid enough to think it couldn't be serious, three of my closest friends are under 30 and have had cancer.
I do have depression, but I am also in-tune with things, which in-itself can lead to this type of anxiety, so I cannot just talk myself out of it.
I also know that I should not be ashamed if it's "only" health-anxiety, and I am not, but I am very discouraged and frightened and my reaction to that (usually crying) makes me ashamed and I also feel like it makes a doctor look at me and shrug off any other issues.
I have an active life and do a lot of things most people won't get to say they do. Something's just not right...I am hoping it's anxiety so I can begin to move on.
I'm so sorry this is so long.