jill07
12-07-10, 12:00
Hi all,
I am new to this forum and looking forward to getting to know people going through a similar thing to me.... forums like this certainly make anxiety a lot less lonely!
Anyway, title says it all really.... today I have hit rock bottom! I will try not to go on too much, but heres the deal...
I am 31, full time mum & carer, studying degree in psychology. Used to work full time as estate agent, but decided motherhood was ideal opportunity for career change.
All was well until last June when contracted swine flu. Being exhausted, my system never really got over it, and it led to a monster throat infection. Confirmation from ENT specialist that I needed tonsils taking out sharpish set my phobia of general anaesthesia and operations out of control. This in turn set off health anxiety, panic disorder, more phobias. Everything progressively got worse.... doc prescribed citalopram Feb but never took it... silly me wanted to get to the root of the problem and cure the cause. So, chickened out of surgery date dec, and then my life revolved around trying to find a way out of the surgery... obsession, every waking minute (and sleeping!). In avoidance, I travelled to London and had a laser tonsil reduction under local anaesthetic. Of course, it didnt work and cost me a small fortune. On realising it had failed, everything escalated yet again. So, many months of misery and illness followed. Couple of weeks ago I decided enough is enough.... if I didnt have the op I couldnt carry on, so went to ENT and arranged to have the op... general anaesthetic.... slice with scalpel the works, everything I have feared and avoided for so many months!!!!! Scheduled op for 3rd july.
I am pleased to say I did it! and I did it well! no pre med, no sedation, I faced it head on and got through it.
I thought that conquering my phobia would finally put an end to my anxiety, as I believed this to be the root of the problem. Well, it appears not, as the anxiety levels have hit an all time high in these last couple of days. I have never felt so ill in my life, I am mentally and physically exhausted, scared stiff that I am still ill. My body has done a great job of healing me. Sure, it was excrutiatingly painful but healing quickly and no complications (so far!). So, I have to aknowledge that the problem is in my mind, as my body seems to be working just fine (although it doesnt feel that way!).
Well, enough is enough! I have spent most of the last 2 days in bed, feeling ill, down, anxious.... im sure you all know what its like. Its got to stop - Im letting myself doen, my daughter down, my family down....
I have tried and tested every natural remedy under the sun, have tried to weather the storm but ok, I finally admit, i need help with this... I cannot carry on like this, cant even leave the house for crying out loud!
I am in a bubble and need to break free, so tonight I am starting the Citalopram. As is common with anxiety, I have researched it until I am blue in the face, know every negative, side effect blah blah blah, and formed myself a nice little phobia to add to my list. Well nothing can feel worse than this, so I have nothing to lose!
Wow, that is one hell of a post! to all of you who read it thank you, to those who got bored after a few lines I understand! Just needed to get it all out xxx
I am new to this forum and looking forward to getting to know people going through a similar thing to me.... forums like this certainly make anxiety a lot less lonely!
Anyway, title says it all really.... today I have hit rock bottom! I will try not to go on too much, but heres the deal...
I am 31, full time mum & carer, studying degree in psychology. Used to work full time as estate agent, but decided motherhood was ideal opportunity for career change.
All was well until last June when contracted swine flu. Being exhausted, my system never really got over it, and it led to a monster throat infection. Confirmation from ENT specialist that I needed tonsils taking out sharpish set my phobia of general anaesthesia and operations out of control. This in turn set off health anxiety, panic disorder, more phobias. Everything progressively got worse.... doc prescribed citalopram Feb but never took it... silly me wanted to get to the root of the problem and cure the cause. So, chickened out of surgery date dec, and then my life revolved around trying to find a way out of the surgery... obsession, every waking minute (and sleeping!). In avoidance, I travelled to London and had a laser tonsil reduction under local anaesthetic. Of course, it didnt work and cost me a small fortune. On realising it had failed, everything escalated yet again. So, many months of misery and illness followed. Couple of weeks ago I decided enough is enough.... if I didnt have the op I couldnt carry on, so went to ENT and arranged to have the op... general anaesthetic.... slice with scalpel the works, everything I have feared and avoided for so many months!!!!! Scheduled op for 3rd july.
I am pleased to say I did it! and I did it well! no pre med, no sedation, I faced it head on and got through it.
I thought that conquering my phobia would finally put an end to my anxiety, as I believed this to be the root of the problem. Well, it appears not, as the anxiety levels have hit an all time high in these last couple of days. I have never felt so ill in my life, I am mentally and physically exhausted, scared stiff that I am still ill. My body has done a great job of healing me. Sure, it was excrutiatingly painful but healing quickly and no complications (so far!). So, I have to aknowledge that the problem is in my mind, as my body seems to be working just fine (although it doesnt feel that way!).
Well, enough is enough! I have spent most of the last 2 days in bed, feeling ill, down, anxious.... im sure you all know what its like. Its got to stop - Im letting myself doen, my daughter down, my family down....
I have tried and tested every natural remedy under the sun, have tried to weather the storm but ok, I finally admit, i need help with this... I cannot carry on like this, cant even leave the house for crying out loud!
I am in a bubble and need to break free, so tonight I am starting the Citalopram. As is common with anxiety, I have researched it until I am blue in the face, know every negative, side effect blah blah blah, and formed myself a nice little phobia to add to my list. Well nothing can feel worse than this, so I have nothing to lose!
Wow, that is one hell of a post! to all of you who read it thank you, to those who got bored after a few lines I understand! Just needed to get it all out xxx