forced myself to post this!!!!!!!!

[davey]

I've had 3 sessions of cbt therapy now, it was good at first but now I seem to be worse than ever......is this normal with cbt.....arn't you suppossed to feel better, I wont list how im feeling because it would take too long to write but oh my god I cant believe how bad im feeling inside, It has taken me 2 days to put this post on here-I come on here a lot but just read other posts and play the games to pass the time but I feel thats all im doing with my miserable life just passing time which then leads to the thoughts of so whats the point? Dont get me wrong im not suicidle just more fed up and down than I think iv ever been and I dont like it anymore. Thanks for listening to my rant and I hope you are all ok.

[onceagain]

oh dear I'm sorry to hear that you are not too good at the moment. I too feel that sometimes when things are looked at they are foremost in your mind and not always pleasant...today I faced looking at people .. oh sounds daft but not the normal for me and it made me realise just how much other people see and I dismiss out of choice may I add.

Why do I do this... well simply because I don't like the way people behave, dress or treat other people, I'm great with people that I feel are deeper than most of the shallow selfish people that I've come across in my life and I always feel sad when I read the posts on here from people who are deep rooted good ... so I will go back into my bubble, it keeps me safe and I cannot prevent other people from doing what they do or acting the way they do.. but that does not mean that I have to be a part of the things that from choice I choose to disregard..

Remember that the things we bury are painful but we manage to lay on this care for others it is just a shame that others do not return so generously ...there will be good sessions and if like me times you walk out and just cry for ages because you remember stuff or even deal with stuff that is very difficult.. remember you are strong because you fight a battle every day to do things that others take for granted .. we are tired almost forever because we struggle with things that are a matter of course for some and we also fight to let the people close to us understand.

We worry we care we fret for others and we put our needs last on the list, we hurt silently and argue with tears in our souls when those that push us to open us then lash out.. we get hardly any sleep or cannot face the day, we keep home when we can and when we can't we watch those around us let it fall apart.. we hold jobs we raise families and we face challenges each and every day that for other people would feel like climbling mount everest... so it is hardly surprising when sometimes we hit our lows.. but remember that tomorrow may be a great day, I do hope so ...
x

[davey]

That was a really beautiful post thankyou:hugs:

[rambler]

Sharon, what a great post....and so true!