first time here but almost 5 yrs worth of suffering

[benjamin1254]

its almost been 5 years since my first anxiety attack came on so strong it changed my life or so it would seem.... Since i didn't know where to stick this thread i thought id post it here since about an hour or 2 ago i suffered yet another severe anxiety attack that almost broke me yet again. I have had a few in the last few years and it seems good ones (*ones that make you feel like everything is falling apart and there aint nothing you can do to stop it*) happen at least one time a year... 2x if i am REALLY unlucky. Well to get this story going i was up about 10pm drinking pop which wasn't a brilliant idea at the time while i was busy playing on my game console and chit chatting on the net with friends. Before i knew it time had zoomed by and i was already on my second bottle of pop 20 oz. ... and things started to become a bit nerve racking but as i have trained myself to do i pushed right through to the end. Things had seemed to slow down and by this time i was in on my tea and i turned off the console to watch a tv series on my computer and about an episode or so in i started breathing hard like i couldn't get enough air in my lungs to keep me going... then i freaked out even more because my brain was telling my body "look out your possibly loosing feeling in your arm and you know what that means!?" by this time i was deep into breathing deep and ex hailing like i couldn't push enough air out to even feel like i was breathing. Then out of the blue my body told me i had to hit the rest room and as soon as i got up and a few steps into it... HA my body and mind wouldn't even let me think about it let alone do it because by the time i was half way to the door i had this nerve racking feeling of the end of the rope was coming if i didn't sit down so i ran back into my room and started to force the feeling out through meditation. What a 50/50 moment ... it worked all right but it still left my mind in a utter state of 0_0 ... So i went and i thought to myself "i had to drink something healthy ... water... i need water..." so after forcing myself i got up and used the restroom and went and got myself a glass of water. This i thought would have helped... and yet again i was left with a 50/50 moment where it kinda did and it kinda didn't... I was left happier then i was but more in a spaced out feeling... kinda like feeling detached from ones own body. I hate the feelings i get from anxiety but what i worry about the most which tears me apart is my health of my heart. I know i shouldn't worry about my heart and that its just all in my head but i do worry about it and so many other things. Like an odd ball moment is when i get small head aches i will have a panic attack which starts out with what i call "worry burps" and it will just escalate out of control from that moment if it gets really bad. I have been diagnosed in the past by a shrink as having G A D... but all these other things seem to follow behind it. My anxiety has caused me to loose a few jobs and it has caused me great grief in a few jobs... But i find when i find decent work that i can stand for a good while my anxiety isn't as bad as what it could be due to the fact i dont have time to worry about me or anything to do with being anxious. If you would like i would also like to share my first anxiety story with you from a post did over at anxiety tribe:

http://www.anxietytribe.com/benjamin1254/view_blog/1542/

alot has just been on my mind in the past hour and i needed some way to vent and get my first post down to say hi.. and to let others know what ive been through. Its 6am so before i continue on... ill stop here. ^_^