It's official - I'm the worst mother in the world

[beckyrdg]

Right now, I should be watching my 11 yr old daughter's school play. I did try, I tried very hard but did not make it. I drove round and round not being able to pass the busy traffic lights and worried about the traffic being heavier on the way back after the play, also worried about making a fool of myself infront of everybody. I was doing quite well but have taken a huge leap back in the last few weeks. I had an upset stomach all morning then was sick but still did try to go. What mother cannot go and watch her daughter's school play. I feel really down and cannot stop crying whilst typing this - I feel useless and have let her down yet again. There is nothing more I would have liked than to have got there and see the smile on her face. I tried telling myself nothing was scary, nothing was going to happen, I'd done it before and it was ok, listening to music, parked and just sat for a while but nothing could get me across the traffic lights, even though I had done it earlier in the day. I know she will say it doesn't matter but of course she wanted me there to watch her, what little girl has to put up with a mother that cannot do the simplest thing to make her happy.

[gypsywomen]

Please dont feel sad ,,you tried thats a good step.. like ou sayyour daugher will be ok ,what you can do is ask her all about it ,ask if anyone reorded it so you might watch it on dvd ..your not a bad mum or you wouldnt be so upset you didnt go this shows love ,

[jude uk]

I always thought a bad mum/dad was one who did not care. Looks like you care so so so much, so I THINK ITS OFFICIAL.....YOUR A GOOD MUM

[bexy1970]

OMG!!!! if you were a bad mum you wouldnt have wanted!!nor made the effort!! and you certaainly wouldnt be upset bout missing it!!!! pleeeeeeze dont beat yourself up about it!! you sound like AN ACE MUM!!!!!!!! some kids parents work full time etc and cant go like mine used to have too..its NO big deal she will know you tried and tou can tell her how proud you are when she gets home! big hugs you lovely mummy!! :hugs::hugs: xxxxx

[onceagain]

there are times that parents cannot attend things that their children are involved in, it may be work or other committments but this does not mean that they don't care... you couldn't be there for health reasons, which may I add is a good reason if any..

Your daughter will grow to be a independant woman who will make you proud.. and the reason behind this is because she knows that you love her. There you are giving the love and support you do on a daily basis as a good mum does and yet you are feeling you have let her down.. lol, if your daughter did not have the confidence that you must have instilled into her it would be you trying to convince her she could do it.. so pat yourself on the back for being a great mum ...

Hugs x

[beckyrdg]

Thank you so much for all your kind words, I'm so glad I've eventually found a site like this. It reminds you to look at the positive and not the negative. Should remind myself that a year ago I couln't go out of the front door so actually have come a long way. Just a little blip hopefully and will have a better day tomorrow!

[GFHarris]

Just wanted to offer you a big hug, I know how hard it is. Everyone else has said what I think as well!

[margaret jones]

Becky you are a truly lovely mummy and i think that it was all said in previous posts here is a :hugs:for you
Take Care Maggie

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Becky,

I really hope you are feeling a bit better now and hope you dont beat yourself up.

Like everyone said above, you made the effort and that IS important.

Take every step carefully and try not to pressurise yourself.

My thoughts are with you and hope that tomorrow gives you a smile.

Take care and keep with it.

[georgina20]

:bighug1:hiya dont you dare beat yourself up over this . i believe this will make you stronger to beat this .where abouts are you in the uk:bighug1:

[bomberbeamish]

omg beck,,,,, you are me,,,,, ive missed so much been in the same situation ,, i totally know how you feel,, i cant even take my kids out,, and the traffic thing i totally understand,, im scared to go anywhere as i mite get stuck in traffic and i cant turn round,, your not on ya own hun, hope u feel better soon.

[beckyrdg]

Thanks for all the hugs, this really makes a difference. Have had a positive day today. Went to Doctor and asked to go back on Mirtazapine which I stopped a few months ago and he has referred me to Talking Therapies which will kick off in 4-5 weeks time (supposed to be very good for panic/anxiety). Also managed to go and sort out my daughters school uniform, bought her a couple of treats too for letting her down yesterday and took dog to park (all out of traffic hours of course but at least felt comfortabe doing it). Also admitted to my parents that been struggling last few weeks and was spiralling down but got a different outlook today that not going down any further and just going to damn well come back up. Your messages of support certainly helped. I'm in Reading/Berkshire by the way as someone asked.