re hi im back

[geordielady]

hi there lost this forum for quite a while
anyway lots has happened to me
i did pass my driving test last september cant remember if i let eveyone know..............anyway i just broke up with my partner of 22 years im now thinking is it because i didnt go to his works party or want to go out in public places inless they were quiet or i could stay near a door...........
anyway he dont want to come home and i fell into a deep depression
he was being very secretive and lots happened he had his job 3 years but the end of last year he changed seemed to want to go out ..........other things to to much to go into to............silly i was going to leave him and did but i came back same night and he decided he was moving out..............we did have massive row............anyway he did move out...............changed his bank details for wages and got a flat through mate at work although now he says he is living with couple from work.................as flat was temp..............anyway first few weeks was terrible like losing youre left arm............then i thought i was getting strong started work to keep house and car.............and bills anyway
as soon as i seen him as we have kids he comes to get them for few hours weekends..............or heard from him i went to pieces ...........thought i would have no tears left..............but they just kept coming when i didnt expect it............anyway had to go doctors as was getting a few anxiety attacks socially and general but this down feeling i couldnt shake off was in pieces most the time the doctor has giving me antibiotics as i do have bad chest and ear but he also gave me cipropram i think its spelled 20mg...........wasnt going to touch it but im so depressed that i decided i would try i have read about it on here,
anyway i took one this morning.............seemed ok about 5 hours later i went into town with daughter kept feeling anxious and was yawning but my throat and neck felt tight when i yawned as i was in town it made me want to leave and go home but carried on shopping..........i dont feel to bad right now and i think the lumpy tight feeling in my neck and throat is part of anxiety and worrying about taking tablets.............im going to keep trying as i really feel the need for to get myself sorted out.and the other day at work they mentioned having a meeting just on basic hygiene i was trying to think of excuses to leave work luckily the meeting was cancelled now i dont know if i want to go work case they say it again.............this is another reason i went doctors as i dont want to give up work through my anxiety...............and i love the job........
im not back to work till thurs but really dont know what to do.i have tried so hard so my kids can have things and wont go without and pay the house ect i feel like im just being kicked back down tell me things will get better
im ok when i keep busy but cant stop to sit and chat with everyone inless theres only a few on break..........i really want to be well and be the way i was before my first baby..............is it possible to get youre life back at 41...................thanks for reading sorry for going on hope makes sense to you all and any help greatly appreciated.........
partner was always telling me to get help and go on tablets but i just couldnt and the last ones prozac gave me rash and had to stop them.
think he got fed up not going out and me always saying no or wanting him with me in the house.................at night as i didnt trust him enough.
because of things he has done in the past..............now i feel im going to be on my own with the kids forever................because i took so long to get help......................:(



p gregory

[Piglet]

I am so glad you decided to come back and I really hope we can help support you while you get back on your feet.

As one who has trodden the divorce path I know some of where you are coming from.

You don't say how old your children are?? You sound like you have been doing tremendously well in that you have managed to continue to work.

Is it possible to take a breather at all??

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Tomimo]

You have come back to the best place for support and advice and we are all here to keep you positive.

It sounds like you are coping well with the way you feel and manageing to carry on under difficult circumstances.

Annie x

[nomorepanic]

Welcome back

Sorry to hear what has gone on in your life but I am pleased that you are coming out the other side positive.

I think the drug you are on is citalopram - does that sound right?

If you need any links to previous posts then try this new one I just did today ....

Links to posts about Common Problems (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7784)

Hope we can be of some help again.

Nicola

[geordielady]

hi there yes thats the one,thanks i will look through them links..........silly i know but i wish my ex would come back yet on the other hand i think im just lonely and feeling insecure noone to share the day with and chat although we didnt talk that much but like a piece of funiture somthing missing..............i have 6 kids 5 are his although he brought up the eldest since 8 months so like his own...........but she is 23 this year
the others are 15,13,9,6 the youngest ones who say to me if i had a wish i would wish you and dad would get back together i feel so guilty and think could i have stopped all this happening did he keep looking elsewere because the way i was and wouldnt have treatment............
well anyway i was thinking of leaving my job but i only started after he left i was fostering but stopped that a while back,so only done about 12 days there and cant really have time off...........the doctor asked me if i had talked with anyone about just staying home and managing till i felt better but i said i did like the job but just cant face any meetings i feel trapped if i have to sit in a room..............also i feel like i would go mad staying home all the kids at school now and i have stayed home to long,
i just feel like im ok if i know i can get out or walk out of anywere but if i have to stay in a room i feel stupid if i get panicky and anxious and had to leave the room..................i dont know why i am like htis when young didnt bother me i was outgoing i feel like i have no confidence in myself think since i had collapse when i was 19 not long after daughter was born then another when i was in my 20s but know i was very aneamic and also my daughter was having an operation but died in 89
now im so afraid i will collapse or faint and people will think im strange.espechially being a new job hope you understand what i mean i have come a long way but now i feel i have took steps back with everything happening so quickly ...............i even strarted to get panicky at a set of certain traffic lights if the queues long and i cant move or no were to pull in...............now i feel it at other lights too.............but cetain ones i am fine............i find myself avoiding certain places and going long way...................thanks everyone just being there and replying is great support and any help on this would be great i have only had the one tablet today apart from earlier ,at the moment ok but hope im ok going to bed...........thats when i get time to think negative things and have anxiety............thanks again all



p gregory

[geordielady]

well 2nd day on these tabs do notice slight increase of anxiety,
hopefully wont get to bad as that will put me off...............and i have felt a bit off my food but could be cos i got antibiotics to and a cold.but its like a sickly sort of full up feeling so not sure had to make myself eat........well i will keep u all updated with whats happening i know there not miracle and somtimes u have to feel worse before u feel better but wish they worked overnight................talk soon

p gregory

[nomorepanic]

I really do think that CBT could help you with a lot of these issues. You can get this on the NHS if your GP refers you.

Or, you could try the No Panic telephone recovery course - check out their site at www.nopanic.org.uk

It is an hour's phone call once a week for about 10 weeks I think so you can do it from home. I did it many years ago and it really helped me.

As for meetings at work. I used to sit near the door and they would even leave it open for me so I didn't feel so trapped. Take some Rescue Remedy in a bottle of water and sip on that and also mints. Always take a note pad so you can doodle or take notes to distract you. Just remember that you can always get up and walk out if you need to.

Nicola

[sal]

CBT will help you. Pleased you came back to get some help. Thinking of you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[Ma Larkin]

Hi, I too felt the same as you. I'm 40 this year & a single parent with 3 kids. My mum is 65 & has been single since my dad left her for a woman my age when mum was 50. I can't help but wonder if i'm gonna be "left on the shelf" like my mum. My mum is single through choice, but I don't want to grow old on my own. I cannot trust men. My 2 husbands cheated on me with my best friend (not the same friend). My anxiety only started 12 months ago. I thought i'd found the man of my dreams, turned out he was just a user. I don't think i've really got over him, wonder if I ever will, but its just this age thing. I don't want to go out & do the dating thing over again at my age. I can't bear to be on my own, its just as well my children are only young, or I would be tearing my hair out at home & panicking for fun. My eldest daughter is 17, but I spend quite a lot of time with her; my youngest 2 are 8 & 5. I don't panic when i'm out, although sometimes I do get quite edgy in case I have a panic attack in front of other people. I just think there must be millions of people in the same situation, there is hope & we have many great friends on this site, who we can talk to any time.

Les

[geordielady]

hi there thanks for replys im not quite sure what or how cbt works can you give me more info is it councilling ...........been on tablets 4 days but today have felt really down cant seem to stop crying not even sure why,had to take kids school hols over someone mentioned somthing and that was it i had to go and was in tears,couldnt bear talking about my ex.......well guess just having bad day hoping it will get better and i will start sleeping better been really restless and waking up at 4am not good,hoefully if there side effects they will wear off soon............feeling like im worse today i know they take time but i really need to get my head together for thursday at work again.............dont want to be bursting into tears.feel like i need to go work but on other hand dont know if i should go back............and only started towards end of january........
im still on antibiotics got another 4 days so as still got this fluey cold and sure its not helping.........well sorry for the ranting i really needed to get it off my chest............thanks all great site and people...........

p gregory

[Piglet]

Geordie lady - wow mate you do really well with all your family I am full of admiration for you :):)

Lesley we sound pretty similiar hun - over 40, single mums, trust issues over men and mums that go it alone too.

We are all so unique yet all so the same aren't we.

Group hug girls xxxxx

Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[geordielady]

hi there sure i relied to this post but dont know what happened
all i want to say is thankyou too you all been on my tablets 8 days doing ok but had to tell ex to stay away and not to contact..............again everytime he comes for kids or drops them off i feel anxious again and angry and upset things he says or he seems to be sniggering at me like today so text him and just said stay away...............i feel i will get better quicker and easier once i dont see him or hear from him........i know it takes time to get them out youre system but i know i will be better for it...................i havent no one who is able to sort kids out and drop them to him so easier till there older or arrangments can be made.............am i being selfish...............or is this the best way while im still hurting.............i think the tablets seem fine get anxiety but seems like its easing till i see him...................then its worse,
my sister told me tonight i look a lot better well well and seem a lot happier that was till he brought kids back and felt all sad again and knotted up...................think as he went he looked and sort of laughed then went it made me feel unconfident....................well hoping for some good advice its such a struggle im still working and keeping things going ,just dont want to fall apart.................thanks for listening big group huggggggggggggg.................xxxxxxxxx

p gregory

[sal]

Thinking about you xx

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[Sue K with 5]

wow ! six children I though I was hard done by with 5! what an amazing person you are!


Youe decision to come back was absolutely spot on this is one of the best places to be for support during stressful and anxious times and I for one think your doing brilliant! bring up children is very hard no matter what ages they are. I worry more about my 18 year old than I do about my 3 year old sometimes.

Stay strong and focused and time will heal ! you sound like your doing a great job and I am sure once the cipramil kicks in you will start to rebuild your life again


Sue with 5

scknight

[Piglet]

Just saying hello again.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[geordielady]

thanks again for replys...............ex phoned this morning only said to kids he thought i wasnt working although he knew i was then came round to the house to give there boys playstation back.............knowing i had told him to stay clear and not contact anyway the kids didnt want to say a lot and i havent really asked but i did text and say u knew i was working and you came to the house stay away he text back saying fine if thats what u want i didnt even bother replying sure he is trying to play mind games...........i had a mark on my neck which i had caught in a sip up.............he said to my daughter i seen that mark on youre mums neck how pathetic hey.............assuming without knowing the facts.....i dont even get a chance to see other men my life is work and kids lol
well heres hoping these tablets do help,i hurt but have not cried maybe they block the pain of what he does now which is good and dont affect me working so far so thats a bonus............thanks again god bless you all great support great site glad i found you all again..................

p gregory

[sal]

Dont they know how to work it against us. Thinking about you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".