so low, so frightened

[knightingale]

Hi there, im new to this and did post an introduction a few days ago. Feeling so low, lonely and this anxiety is so painful. Was diagnosed with depression around 03-04 and was felt to be reactive to lots of life events. I was unable to work and had to come home and be looked after by my parents, it was a huge shock to all. Prior to this id been pretty happy go lucky and was advancing well in my career (im a nurse) lately anxiety has raised its ugly head big time and im currently off sick. I feel such a failure, not sure that im any good at my job anymore. Have no confidence or self esteem. I lost everything back in 04 when i had to come home, my home and my soul mate. Im so frightened that its going to happen again and i just cant seen to stop it. I know my family couldnt cope with it again. I just cant understand why, i was a good nurse, now im nothing. Why why why. Ive always tried to function, hate being off sick, hate having a problem, hate being a problem

[georgina20]

hiya you poor thing can you think of any thing that might have triggered this again .are u on any meds ?:bighug1:

[knightingale]

i am hun, although having them changed at the mo. I guess ive been feeling useless at work for a little while now. Just feel that im no good and everyone knows it, performing poorly. I used to be so good. Recently my sister had a baby and im unable to have children. Was a bit of a trigger but theres more underlying im sure

[blueangel]

Hi knightingale

Are your employers being helpful or proactive about this, or are they just leaving you to it and hoping that you'll either get better or leave? I work for the NHS and am also a union rep, so I end up helping a lot of people that are having problems with sickness.

If your employer is decent, they should be doig things to help you, like offering you support through occupational health or counselling, as otherwise you'll get stuck into the cycle of being off sick, and the longer you're off, the harder it gets to return to work as your confidence will be affected.

Please drop me a PM if you want to chat off the main board.

[daydreamer]

Hi Knightingale,

sorry to hear your struggling with anxiety at the moment. I defintely think blueangel is right, you should have access to some counselling or therapy as Im sure it would do you good. Did you have any back in 2003? I hope that the change of meds will make an improvement.

Please dont spend all your time off sick worrying about being a failure, its just the anxiety thats talking, Im sure your very good at your job. Nursing is a very stressful job and no wonder that you cant focus on your job while you feel so awful with stress and anxiety. Also try not to beat yourself up about going through this again, many of us have had relapses and its usually because we didnt deal with our issues properly the first time around, either that or us sensitive types are more prone to getting anxiety when we are faced with a lot of stress. Either way, its not something to be ashamed of, that said, it is horrid and I totally know how your feeling - most of us on here do!

Try to remember that you have faced it once and come through it, so you know you can do again. Try to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Your not nothing or a failure even if it might feel like that sometimes - its not true! Im sure in your job you have saved lives and helped a great many people, thats not nothing, thats something to be proud of. Wishing you well :)

[georgina20]

hiya i found that meds i was on cits made me feel like crap or like a zombie ! i remember my sis .20 years ago im excpecting my 3rd child shed been trying for ages .she was so happy for me .n i felt so sad for her . the strain really took its toll she stayed away for months . only keeping incontact by phone . she n her husband adopted in the finish long process but thats what kept her going .so mixed emotions back then .must be hard seing all the patients with their problems too ,very stressfull , as daydreamer said saving lives n helping others what a remarkable human being you are :hugs:

[Bill]

I greatly admire nurses for the job they do because I know I could never cope with the enormous daily stresses and emotions I would feel so I can completely understand how such a career can be so demanding on you.

I just wonder if you should consider another caring career along the same lines which is less stressful which you would enjoy just as much.

Don't feel bad or not worthy etc because there is no one more Special then a conscientious caring person such as yourself who has simply been put under more pressure than anyone could with.:bighug1: