Advice on Bulimia?

[doodah]

My nephew's wife has been painfully thin for a number of years, feeling the cold, depressed, anxious, and generally not her "old" healthy-looking self. She's had bouts of passing out recently too. She's in her late 30s and has 2 lovely daughters aged 7 and 10.

Last week she went out with some friends and drank far too much; she confided in a friend of my nephew that she had been diagnosed as being bulimic, that she remembered her old self as being fat, and that she would now make herself sick after eating. She also said that she used pills (not sure what she meant there). She said she'd seen a doctor who had given her the phone number of a counselor, which sounds strange to me, surely they would have referred her to a psychologist?

The friend was so worried that he told my nephew's brother about the conversation, and he had a word with my nephew. My nephew's wife texted their friend thanking him for listening and letting her brother-in-law know but asked him not to tell my sister or anyone else.

This is long and drawn out - sorry!!

What I'd really like to know is what are the first steps in helping someone who is bulimic? She used to be such a healthy-looking young lady but now looks so thin and ill. She runs miles every day and always seems to be on the go. If she won't go for help/therapy I'm wondering if there are any self-help books or websites that I can pass on to my sister/nephew?

Thanks for reading!

Wendy :-)

[Bill]

I know there are different types of conditions which I believe are similar and all of them are very sad.

From what I've heard, it doesn't matter what others say because they will always see themselves as overweight and ugly even when they're dangerously thin. They just can't see themselves as others do because their fear of appearing overweight is so overwhelming. They're so frightened of gaining any weight at all and this is why they do all they can to be sick to lose weight so they don't even put on an ounce/gram.

I'm really not sure about my facts on this so I could be wrong but I wouldn't have thought a psychologist would be of any help because the condition is "irrational". I would have thought a psychologist could only help someone who can "see" they have an issue.

Also, for the same reasons, I'm not too sure how a counsellor could help because the condition can become very serious.

My feeling is that the only people who can help are specialised therapists who deal with this type of condition so it's possible she may not be telling you everything.

Based on what you've said, I would strongly advise that you talk to your nephew and try to persuade both of them to go back to the doctor so that he/she is fully aware of her behaviour/condition so that she receives the treatment she really needs before she loses anymore weight because it can become very dangerous if we stop keeping anything down.

Read this...I think this will help you...

There is a paragraph made up of questions near the end just before the capital letters asking an important question and before the "I am Not..." starts. It starts with "Magazines...." (I won't copy it because I'm not sure I'm allowed). I feel ALL women/girls should read that paragraph because I totally agree!

http://www.yoni.com/healerf/jenstory.shtml :hugs:

[doodah]

Bill - thank you very much for your reply. I will pass it on to my sister and nephew. The article is very informative and has helped me to understand a little more. I'm ashamed to say that during my stays in hospital in the 80s I made friends with a few people who suffered anorexia (I hadn't heard of bulimia at that stage but I now know at least one of my friends had this). They would explain just some of their symptoms etc with me but I now realise, even in hospital, they hid a lot of their emotions.

Thanks again Bill - this has been really helpful.

Wendy xx

[Bill]

I'm glad it was helpful to you.:hugs: I must admit I know little about the two conditions or even the differences between them except that both are very sad and appear not easy to treat. I feel there should be greater understanding about these because it seems to me that not enough people really understand how and why these terrible conditions affect people. It seems to me they are both based on fear which I feel could easily be connected to anxiety.

As it says in that blog, women in particular appear to be driven by media stereotypes thinking they should all look like models in magazines which could possibly be a factor in causing these conditions. It's just so sad when women are beautiful from the moment they are born no matter what their figure becomes as they grow older. Beauty is not skin deep and there are women who are far more beautiful being natural in real life than any glamour model in magazines because the natural beauty is always there held within from birth. I just wish sometimes that women could see that being natural is beautiful and there's no need for body painting, tattoos, piercings and being size 6 unless they themselves feel happy appearing that way and not because they feel that's how they're expected to appear because of the media and society. I just feel if a rose is born a rose, why disfigure it just to appear like everyone else!?...but that's just my own opinion.

Maybe if more people thought of natural as being beautiful, such conditions might not be such a devastating problem. Who knows.:shrug:

Sorry if that's controversial. It's just my own opinion but I do agree with what is said in that paragraph on the blog.:hugs:

[Chem]

Usually the outward signs of bulimia and anorexia - the sickness, weight loss, gorging or refusing to eat, are visible cries for help. They are rarely just because the person sees themselves as fat. That is how their psychological problems are being manifest and the way that the person is using to deal with them. Consider Princess Diana - she was never fat. Her bulimia was a cry for help for unhappiness that stemmed from childhood and her unhappy marriage, not her dress size.
A councellor or psychologist can help someone discover and acknowledge the true root causes to their behaviour and change it.

[cwoz82]

I have to confess that I have panic and anxiety disorder and depression coupled with "bouts" of bullimia, at my worst when I was about 20 I would vomit every single thing that passed my lips, I wouldn't even binge eat to vomit. In my case it's not that I envy thin people, I think that's a common misconception that we do this because we think we're fat. Mine always comes on before a depressive/anxious phase, I think it's a control thing with me, the first time I had a bad case I was getting throat infections every few weeks and ironically I figure I have to stop making myself sick because the throat infections were making it impossible for me to make myself sick and that in order to be bulimic I needed to stop being sick! I started taking diet pills, these stopped me being sick, mainly because they burned my throat if I vomited after taking them! I eventually told my husband I made myself sick, his way of dealing with it was to make sure I never went to the toilet alone and would check my hands when
I'd been (my knuckles would be red for sticking my fingers in my throat and them rubbing on my teeth)
I still make myself sick, maybe I'll have a bad couple of days or a bad weekend and I'll be sick, I've had my tonsils out and since I should have free reign but having a better understanding of other conditions has helped immensely!
The fact that this person told someone means she wants help, I told my husband because I drove myself mad always looking for the toilet, always being Ill and worst of all the guilt!
It's definitely a cry for help, I know with mine u wanted to be noticed, there are always underlying issues this any form of talking therapy will help, counselling helped me in so much as things came out I didn't even realise I'd issue with and then I figured for myself what my issues were
I do hope she gets help and I'd take the fact that she's been to the doctors and told someone about it as a massive cry for help and a realisation of the severity of her condition. This is a very positive step!

[Ruby Tuesday]

This site might be useful to both you and your Nephew's wife

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home

I have Anorexia Nervosa and so I can fully understand how brave your NW was to confide in someone. The first step to managing an ED is admitting that you actually have one.

[doodah]

Chem - thank you very much for your reply - I will be sending this and the others to my sister. Very much appreciated.

[doodah]

cwoz - thank you so much for your honesty. I know your post will help my sister, nephew and myself understand a little better. I hope that you continue to make progress.

Take care xxxx

[doodah]

Thanks for the link Ruby Tuesday - will definitely read this and send it on to my sister and nephew.