Opposite feelings on "If my boyfriend cheated"

[Joellie]

Im going trhough a "what if i cheat on my boyfriend" anxious state at the moment. But when i think of if my boyfriend cheated on my i dont FEEL anything. Like i dont feel sadness, anger etc i just feel emotionally blank. Im really worried about it because it makes me fear that i dont care for my boyfriend like i thought i did.

An incident that happened a long time a go with him and me where we both sent flirtatious texts to different people resulted in us getting bakc on track, however he found out i had first, and he was really really upset over it and he told me that he had with someone else too and at the time i was so sorry and guilty over what i had done that i didnt put any thought into the fact he had. ANd now im anxious that this isnt a normal response.

Now when i think back it doesnt bother me and i just feel anxious and worried inside because i dont feel anything for it.

Im inbetween councellers at the moment and i dont know who to turn to :(

[Bill]

he was really really upset over it and he told me that he had with someone else too

Oh right....so he was really upset you did but it was ok for him to do? Oh boy.:wacko:

Anyway, that was a long time ago you say and what's important is the here and now.

I think you're questioning your feelings so much that you're tieing yourself in knots making yourself so anxious that you're dulling all your emotions which could be why you can't feel anything.

I think really you need to wipe all these worries away for a moment and get back to basics.

How is he treating you? Is he showing love, care, kindness, support etc? Is he being loyal, trustworthy, treating you with respect? Is he making you feel Special and that you're the Most Important person in his life? Is he looking after you in all the ways you need? Is he listening to you and being understanding? Is he always there for you when possible when you need him most? Is he giving you lots of love and affection without asking for anything in return? Is he helping with all the practical things when you don't feel well? Does he Show reminders of how much he loves you...and I Don't mean by just saying I love you?

Your lack of feeling could be due to anxiety dulling your emotions but it could also be based on a sense of insecurity due to how you're being treated and whether trust still exists which is why I think more questions have to asked before the right answers can be found.:bighug1:

[Joellie]

Well nick is a great boyfriend. He isnt the most romantic person in the world but then i dont think relationships should be all showing love with gifts etc.

Apart from thsi one time, weve not had problems of that extent.

He treats me like he loves me, he shows love, care and support. I trust him and is is ALWAYS there when i need him. hes always there to listen to me and even though he doesnt always know what to say, he is stil lthere.

I do trust him. I thought thats why i didnt feel anything for it if you know what i mean. I was in a right state last night. And i felt back to square one with the "do i love him" thing and after i calmed down i remembered that i needed to just experiance what i was feeling and not let it control what i do.

I do love him and i want to be with him because we want to move in and ive been so excited for it for a while. I litterally didnt feel anything last night not even for my birthday which is soon or for the fact i got to uni.

Got a doctors appointment today to see if i can get councelling and maybe back on meds.

As regarding to the comment before about the being too upset at myself to care what he did, at the time i was seriously so racked with guilt that i thought that it makes it even if you know what i mena.

[Bill]

I keep having random "bad hours" where il just either doubt my relationship with 100 what ifs and do i still love him and am i happy when i know full well that when this phase goes im perfectly happy and i wonder why i could ever doubt my love for him. But sometimes these hours arent based on that they are just the feeling of anxiety with no point, i wont be thinking of anything yet the feeling remains and i think this is the depression coming through.

I found the above in one of your old posts which I think helps to clarify things.

I think basically you question every thought you have that creates a doubt and then analyse why you thought the thought, whether it was real and why it surfaced etc etc.

I think these doubts may surface on subjects that you fear losing most such a your relationship.

Hard to know exactly but it seems you analyse everything to the point where you end up not feeling anything because you become so absorbed in sorting out what and how you should be thinking rather than letting these thoughts just go through you as just random thoughts created by your anxiety. Once you've sorted the thoughts, you feel happier and start feeling again...I think!:shrug: