For once i don't feel totally alone.

[disneygirl]

Hello!

I am a newbie here, just stumbled across this website during my usual google obsessive searching trying to find out "why i am ill and dying etc" and what a great website, i thought i was going crazy, but it seems there is a lot of people going through the same thing :blush: ps i'm 26, almost 27 :D

I've suffered with anxiety, depression, panic attacks etc since my divorce 4 years ago, i was in a violent marriage and after leaving i found the most wonderful boyfriend ever who pulled me out and saved me (i know that sounds cheesy but he really did) - helped me find counselling, which i had for about a year and seemed to really cope well with having left, and i was feeling great!

Then after that, i went back to counselling because something sent me tumbling back down, and again, managed to get back up again.

Now this is where i don't understand it, just before i married my Mr Perfect, i was plagued with insecurities and anxiety about dying, i truly believed i wouldn't make the wedding, that i would have a car accident, or get cancer, or something bad would happen and i would die before the wedding :weep: The wedding took place and was the most wonderful day of my life, full of the most amazing feelings and happiness :D We then went on honeymoon until about 4 days before we came home, i started having these thoughts about dying, this was about 16 days ago, and since then i've thought i've got DVT, a blood clot, HIV, Breast Cancer, Lung Cancer, Stomach cancer, and various other cancers. In this time i've also developed a pain on my chest, just about above my right breast, say where the muscle runs across? and since then it's become a severe anxiety that i have breast cancer. My mum is terrified of getting it as her mum, and great grandmother both died of it, and now it's me obsessing about it and i feel terrible :weep: I know realistically, the pain has only been there since i did a bit of a heavy bit of gardening, and lifting pots and twisting my arm to move the soil around so i know i've put strain on that area, but my unrealistic mind just doesn't believe it, it always has to be the worst.

I just want to be happy again.... i have the most wonderful life in the world, a gorgeous and caring husband, my lovely dog, a fancy car and a lovely house, but yet here i am, worrying, all the time.

I didn't realise how common this was, is the mind really this powerful?

Sorry for the long post, sometimes it helps me just to write down how i feel :)

Hope you are all feeling a little better today x

[countrygirl]

First of all a huge welcome to the site:welcome:
Most people on here have had health anxiety for a very long time so can offer advice and sympathy with experience.

Because of the stigma of hypochondria very few people will 'admit' to having anxiety about symptoms and health. I personally find that feeling happy is a huge trigger for worsening health anxiety its like we fear happiness will mean something nasty health wise is about to strike- it is so sad as I remember so well 30 yrs ago being terrified my symptoms meant cancer.

I am guessing that your relief and happiness at your new life is what is making you so fearful as you are terrified it is all going to be taken away from you by some fatal illness??? do this ring true for you???

Having had health anxiety since a traumatic time in childhood with illness and death I have found that for me explaining to my GP my problem and being open about my fears has been helpful for me with my Gps but it was only about 5 yrs ago that I could do this- if you like and trust your GP then I would explain your fears to the Dr - you could try therapy its always worth a try.

Otherwise big hello and please post whenever you are worried as we can all sympathise even if nothing else.

:grouphug:

[Decius]

I had to smile to myself as I read your post, not 10 mins before I was writing this:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=77972

I am not sure I have any answers for you, mainly because I am asking the same questions... But I am happy you wrote this because it only reinforces the fact that I am dealing with anxiety. Everything you listed (with exception of breast cancer [i am male]) I thought I had...

I, too, feel constantly anxious (with no good reason most of the time), there just seems to be dark could hanging above me that I just can't quite shake. Perhaps you are in a similar point in life as I am. Maybe you are worrying so much because you are at a transition in your life? Externally everything is going well, but because we are so used to stress, our minds begin looking for something internally to worry about. We're not comfortable if we're not worried. It's a messed up deal. And sadly I am not sure how to end the vicious cycle :weep:.

I think, for me, I am just taking it a day at a time, and trying to convince myself that the anxiety/anxious feelings/panic attacks etc. will end; I just need to stay strong and think positively.

I am sorry if my post wasn't very helpful... but I am glad you posted yours.

[Baggs]

Welcome to NMP. I hope that this site helps you as much as it's helped me. All the best. Baggs.

[disneygirl]

Thanks everyone :D i honestly never realised how many people suffered, i often feel like such a head case! :s

Countrygirl i think you may be right there, as i keep thinking about how great life is, it really is amazing, and i love my partner so so much, and i just keep thinking how much i don't want to die. I definitely feel scared that it will all be taken away :D x

Strangely even though i'm worrying, i'm always reluctant to see a GP, even when i didnt feel like this i have a huge fear of doctors too! last time i had a routine blood pressure taken i passed out at the surgery. i think overall i am a massive worrier and being genuinely happy has triggered all sorts of fears - strange isn't it how the mind works.


Decius, i totally understand how you feel, i can only offer some reassurance that counselling helped massively before and i'm doing it again now. Sometimes i feel like it's never going to end, but that's only because of the way i feel, you probably feel like that too? I know counselling is hugely helpful to me, have you tried that?x

Thanks Baggs xx