its all back again

[jaded jean]

I need some reasurance I think,
After an incident at work that resulted in me having to change area of work, I feel despondant . I still need closure on the fact that what happened was not down to me. My anxiety has returned to its near original level and I have started having panic attacks. I have a doctors appointment at 8.30 and will see if I need to up my dose of cit to try and help me through this as I cannot do it on my own. This just does not seem fair I was making such good progress too

[JT69]

Hi Jean,

I totally think it is all down to the change at work...please dont think it is down to you because it isn't.......I do think you are doing the right thing going back to see your GP as an increase in meds will help you through this.

Dont beat yourself up over it hun...its natural to feel this way after what has happened. I know you thought it was the right thing to happen too so in the long run you will accept this.

I hope you feel better soon hun...let me know how you get on at the GP's.

Take care
Jo.xx

[jaded jean]

Jo
I am so scared cos I feel a failure at what has happened tho I am just so negative at the moment I am in tears again . I will let you know how I get on at docs . one side of me says carry on the other is saying go sick. god this is a nuiscance I was doing so well
Jean

[jaded jean]

Been to the doctors. he has upped the cit to 30mgs. I havent got the script yet as I want to carry on with my work , get used to the new routine and see if it quells the anxiety a bit if so I wont up the cit. I was told its reactive anxiety due to the changes and basically starting all over again. I got the doc to say to me its not your fault and you are not going mad so thats a relief .
Had a good day at work could not do any paperwork tho couldnt get into filing cabinet. computer locked me out . Oh Happy Days!!:doh:

[Bill]

We're not good at coping with change because it affects our security. We like things to be settled and in routine so we feel "safe".

One of our problems is rigidness. We like to walk a safe path but whenever someting beyond our control forces us off it, we immediately become anxious because of the tension it creates.

We like to be in control of everything so when we feel we're losing control we feel insecure and therefore anxious. We panic because we're in an area where we have no confidence.

The trouble with living is that 24 hours a day means risk and uncertainty, and they're issues we struggle to cope with. It means that every day we're fighting against what living means. Fighting always results in tension and stress because we just can't accept uncertainty and insecurity.

I feel the only way to combat insecurity is to develop a "so what" approach to life by saying "what will be, will be" so that we don't try to control things that can never be controlled. For instance, we go into work one day and everything is in routine. The next day we go in, we find our desk moved, our job changed and the people we work with different. This change then makes us anxious because we've been forced out of routine..off our safe path. If though we said to ourselves, "Oh well, so what, a new challenge to tackle", we'd then be more likely to accept change in events because we'll have developed a more relaxed approach to living by accepting it for what it is that living means uncertainty and nothing is either black or white. Life is full of grey areas too.:hugs:

[jaded jean]

Bill
you couldnt have made it more obvious, it does feel exactly like that , I felt I needed the security of familiar things like you said going into the office and finding things have been moved, my office is now a box which I carry round in my car, I have a 'base' office where I go to do paper work and catch up on emails but it doesnt feel like my place yet.....

[Jannie2948]

Jean
Sorry you're having a bad time at the moment, but I think Bill has put it absolutely right. I'm exactly the same, if there is change at work I hate it, if I have to be a secretary to another boss for a while if someone leaves or is off sick, I don't like it, but as Bill says, so what, life's like that, and I just get on with it :-) I know it is horrible and it is upsetting because it is totally out of your routine, but one of the things I say inside my head, and this sounds a bit silly I know, but I always say to myself "well no one died, so get on with it, nothing is ever that bad". It works for me cos nothing ever is that bad, and especially having this blooming illness and knowing what it feels like to be at your lowest, when something that I now think is "silly" goes wrong, I just say so what and get on with it, maybe that's because I am feeling so much better these days. You will get there Jean, just step back, take a nice deep breath and don't let this beat you, you are a stronger woman than that and you have come through worse in your life. This is just a blip for you. See how you go and if you need to, up the meds and see if the increase helps.
I wish you all the very best and hope you start to feel better soon.
Jannie x x

[jaded jean]

Hi Jannie
thanks for the lift!
I am as usual being pulled in different directions emotionally, where to start- when to finish. when I get out of the office I am fine ,its when I get bak there I get the shakes I feel dizzy , is this the reactive anxiety my doctor was on about ? I hope so, I start my increased dose tomorrow, I hope the side effects arent too bad :scared15:

[Thumbelina]

set backs make us stronger,
i am going through it now. You will forget about it in no time as soon as its over.

[Bill]

I felt I needed the security of familiar things like you said going into the office and finding things have been moved, my office is now a box which I carry round in my car, I have a 'base' office where I go to do paper work and catch up on emails but it doesnt feel like my place yet.....

You will.:hugs: It just takes time for us to adjust and to feel secure again in unfamiliar surroundings until they feel like home again.


I am as usual being pulled in different directions emotionally, where to start- when to finish. when I get out of the office I am fine ,its when I get bak there I get the shakes I feel dizzy , is this the reactive anxiety my doctor was on about ?

Yes. Your security has gone so you're now feeling insecure which is being displayed in the form of a reaction through anxious feelings. They will settle as you settle.:hugs:

As Thumbalina says, set backs make us stronger because we learn how to cope better through bad or unsettling experiences.:hugs:

[Jannie2948]

Morning Jean
The only side effects I noticed when I increased from 20mg to 40mg was I just felt a bit spaced out for a couple of days. No bad side effects like when I started on the 20mg, thank gawd!!!!
Let us know how you get on with your increase, I'm sure you will be fine. Do you still take diazepam when you have a bad day? My Dr still gives me a packet of 2mg just in case I have a horrible day, but I very very rarely have to take one these days :-)
Setbacks do make you stronger I know, but they are a blooming pain when they are here, but you will get through it I'm sure.
All the very best to you
Jannie x x

[blueangel]

Hi Jean

Not sure what your place of work is, but some of the following might be helpful:

* do they have an occupational health department? Or any sort of staff support or counselling service? A lot of big employers provide these services now, and they can be a useful backup to your GP
* do you work in a place that has trade unions? A decent union rep can be a very good support and can act as your advocate
* what Bill says is very true - we can't expect life to be the same all the time - it's not realistic. People fear change because it moves the goalposts, but often we just have to accept that there's nothing we can do about it. We need to give ourselves permission to feel unsettled, but realise that it's only temporary and what is change will soon become "normal" for us again.

[jaded jean]

Hi Jannie no I came off the diaz a month or so ago they are history sweetie!! I am on AMITRYPTILINnow only 1x10mg at night . so fingers crossed today being the first day was not too bad I think raised anxiety driving to work as soon as I got on the road again and started the visits it disappeared and only started to re emerge when I knew the blood sugar was low and started to fee l light headed and faint. but otherwise I still did some computer and paperwork when I got back to the office. so woo hoo!
Blue angel- to say that the goalposts have been moved is an understatement by half the bloody things are in the field next door lol:D Yes I am accepting the change now. we have a union- unison I belive but I am not a member, It looks like my employers are working with the DDA very closely and are complying with everything so- so far so good. I am not working out of my remit no extra time here or there , I had my last call from my support worker and one of the changes I have to make is me time like going for a coffee on my own and people watching which I love and going to the library , buying a dress. you know just those type of things that give you a lift, I am 52 now so its time to look after me and put me first I think!
Jean

[blueangel]

Hi again Jean

At least it sounds as though your employers are behaving themselves at the moment. If you start feeling that you need some extra support, then Unison could be a good place to try (I'm a Unison rep where I work!).

Keep us posted, and feel free to drop me a PM if there's anything I can help out with on the work front, as I deal with this sort of stuff every day for people.

[jaded jean]

Hi blue angel.
Yes I will certainly will bear that in mind. Next month I am due to be put on call out duty I do not know all the areas as it is the north side of the county. So I said to my husband If I get called you you are coming with me!! I have a sat nav to help but.... if anything goes wrong I will give you a pm . my upped dose of cit is really kicking in my anxiety is above normal as is my pulse rate so will try and calm down now.
Thanks again.
Jean