I don't know what to do

[Juliamidlands]

I'm sorry to keep sounding like a broken record, but I really don't know what to do anymore with my night-time driving issues.

I went through a good spell with my driving, a few weeks ago, remember the message I posted in the Success board? well I really wish I hadn't, as now it's back again, worse than ever.

As usual, I'm not having a problem with daytime driving, and I've been getting home from work before it's dark, which is great. But I knew that this wasnt the answer to everything as I've been avoiding driving at night. If we do go out in the evenings, Dave picks me up and does all the driving. I am OK when driving around the town centre, but any further out (like anywhere that is very dark), and I'm a mess.

A few nights ago, this was really bugging me, so I decided, one night, to go for a drive up my 'scary road' and back (the road where I had the original PA four months ago). I set myself a challenge to go up to the first island and back- about four miles from home, up a dark road. Going to the island was freaky but not THAT bad as I was following another car (I'm not quite as bad when theres other cars around- I'm awful if I'm on my own on a dark road). But when I turned round, it was just me on my own, and god it was scary. I didn't totally freak out, but I was close to it, and even when I closer to home, when the road was lighter, I was still feeling awful as this road is always going to be a 'bad place' for me.

So I went for another drive last night, up the same road, and was just as bad if not worse.

I'm so sick of being so up and down with this.
It's got to the stage where I have even been looking at the bus services in the area we are looking to buy a house, and when we move, if I'm still as bad, I shall be getting a bus to work and back in the winter, as I'm so sick of going through this.

Though I realise this isn't the answer and I just want to feel normal again. I've been driving for 6 years now and honestly cannot remember what night-time driving felt like before that first PA.

I read all this good advice about how I'm meant to face my fear etc etc, but all that goes out of the window when I'm in the dark, in control of a car. I just dont know what to do anymore, and dont want to become reliant on buses eventually, because if I dont sort this out, next winter is going to be just as bad.

I hope you're all well
Julia xx




'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.

[jackie]

julia have you read the claire weekes books. her advice is easier said than done but it really is the only way. it talks of this rollercoaster ride. and how people say they much prefere to be always down than the up and down that comes with recovery. you must pass through it however hard.

i no this is sooooo hard but that book is really the key.

ps if you find the way to get over your fears id love to no
jackie

[pollymac]

Hi Julia, sorry to hear your having probs but hats off to you for being a driver its something I wanna do but keep making excuses not to start my lessons.

I understand the whole "in at the deep end" thing, you were really brave puting yourself through that. But am thinking maybe too much too soon. Have you thought of maybe going out at night for a very short drive, ie round a few corners then straight back home. You could then build on this when you feeel ready. Also would some soothing music help? One of my pals hates night driving too and she does this and chews some gum....says it helps keep her focused.

Best of luck with this

[Piglet]

The trouble with this 'facing the fear' is it seems to be a double edged sword. Yes we need to feel an element of 'right I am gonna go for it' but on the second hand all this testing ourselves is not really right either, as it adds extra tension to an already anxious state.

Perhap we need to think, yes I would like to do this, rather than thinking I must do this or I am failure.

So reading that I think it does boil down to what attitude you enter the situation in and we need to imagine how we would talk to friend trying to master something.

If you are prepared to have a go then how can you be failing.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[nomorepanic]

Julia

I know how hard this is and I know you have read my post so you appreciate the work I have been doing with this.

I developed a fear of driving in the dark as well so I used to go out, like you, every night and practise driving in it.

I am wondering if you can use any of the techniques I was taught in my CBT sessions to see if they help. I am using the Mr Panic one at the moment and reducing him to a stupid image that can't hurt me.

I think you also need to be in the right frame of mind to do the journeys as well. Don't go out when you are tired. Do it a bit at a time and don't push it so that it is an unachieveable goal.

It can be done - look at me but it is a challenge and I am pushing myself harder than I ever have before.

Maybe you could get some CBT as well at some point?

You will get there just take it slowly and work at it.



Nicola

[Keitharcher]

Julia

Is it the dark or the driving that makes you panicy, if its the dark couldnt you fit some very high intensive spots to the car to dispell as much of the dark as possible. Its possible to get hi-intensity 270 degree spots that will also light up the road each side of the car, they are used on rally cars. Its just a suggestion, hope you find a solution soon

Keith

[Juliamidlands]

hey you guys, thank you for the replies [^]

Jackie- no I've not read Claire Weekes' books but I'm going to have a look on Amazon for them tomorrow. I'll try anything (within reason!!!)

Polly- go for it honey, start having lessons- even though I'm going through a bad time, I still think that driving gives you some freedom. I don't have the problem when I drive round the estate where I live, and round town etc, its when I'm on quieter, dark roads.

Piglet- I love you, you always give such good advice :D I think that is half of my problem. I sit there at night thinking 'hmm maybe I should go for a drive to 'test myself', sort of waiting for myself to having an attack, which is crazy I know, but I can't help it. I know I'm not a failure but I can't help feel like it when everyone else seems to be driving here and there without giving it a second thought and I'm sitting there behind the wheel thinking AAAAAARGH!!!!

Nicola - without meaning to sound patronising, I have nothing but admiration for the way you are dealing with this. I read about the 'Mr Panic' thing you're using, and I thought ok next time I feel wierd I'm going to give this a go, but needless to say, when I was actually out on the road the other night, all that good advice went down the drain. I'm going to try harder to stay more rational, though believe me.
And YES, tiredness DEFINATELY makes a difference. Unfortunately I have a job which involves staring at a computer for 8 hours a day so when I leave work, I'm usually mentally pretty tired.

Just before Christmas I got in touch with a hypnotherapist who lives five minutes from me (so no scary drive to see her!), she advised me of prices etc, and I'm going to arrange an initial consultation with her, to see if it might help

Julia xxx







'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.

[Juliamidlands]

Hi Keith, sorry was writing my last message when you posted yours- those spotlights sound good- are they legal on the road though?

Julia x

'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.

[nomorepanic]

Julia

Oh Mr Panic won't work for everyone - I know that. You have to find your own thing that will work and that is why CBT is working for me cos we can discover loads of avenues that I can try.

I was told NOT to go driving after work when I was tired etc and to concentrate on doing it at weekends but at weekends things have come up and stopped me going. So, yes do it when less tired and less stressed or you will fail at the first hurdle.

Remember - very very small steps and don't push too far that it becomes unbearable. If you do this then you are setting yourself up for a fall and trust me it can be a big fall back down.

Try the hypnotherapy too - I have tried that for my driving issues as well. I came out really positive but it was short lived but yes it worked for me

Good luck and I know you can do this.

Where do you live by the way - are you far from me in Bedfordshire? I guess in the Midlands somewhere ;)

Nicola

[Juliamidlands]

Hi Nicola yes I'm from Warwick.
What was hypnotherapy like for you? Did you feel 'out of control' in any way?

Julia x

'To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world'.

[nomorepanic]

Julia

I loved Hypnotherapy. See this on the website ....

How Hypnotherapy can help with Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=hypnotherapy)

It really helped me relax once a week and it was a very positive experience for me.

The reason I asked about where you lived was that if you were local to me I could come and help you.

Nicola

[sal]

Thinking of you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[Piglet]

I love you too :D:D:D

Piglet xx

[Meg]

Julia

This is soo hard but whilst you are going through the motions, you are struggling to change the negative mesages you are feeding yourself as you drive along so the fear is not subsiding at all and you are grateful each time of having survived but still think that next time it might 'get you'.

If you have hands free try doing the whole 4 miles with someone on the end of the phone distracting you and your favourite uplifting songs or even a talking book along with starting to be positive in your statements to yourself even if you feel rubbish.

Noone said it is easy but you can do it

You

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
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