Heading for a breakdown?

[Cat80]

Am so worried at the moment. I am not coping at all. My anxiety is through the roof, I am so depressed. Not eating much, then getting a sugar craving and wanting to eat chocolate. I am not sleeping and when I do I feel worse than when I went to sleep. My brain is constantly on the go processing everything but I can't switch it off, I am crying all the time and I never cry.

From what I can get from looking on the net and talking to people I need to get help fast as I could be heading for a breakdown. I just don't know what to do. I just can't try anti depressants again, I've tried 7 different ones and they've all made me feel worse rather than better (Prozac being the worst one). I've had CBT, 18 months of counselling etc and nothing helps. But I seriously can't carry on like this, I feel like I'm going crazy and I've never in the 3 years of my anxiety and depression been this bad for so long. I just don't see how anyone can help. My Dr agreed meds don't work for me and won't give me them again so what am I supposed to do? Carry on like this? I've tried herbal things which haven't helped, just don't know where to turn

[blueangel]

Hi Cat

I'm sorry that you're feeling so poorly at the moment - I can sympathise with this a lot as I'm struggling to find bits of my own life that are OK and "safe".

The good bits are my lovely partner and some aspects of my job.
The bad bits are my partner's soon-to-be ex-wife, trying to get my own divorce sorted, dealing with two children that aren't mine and some parts of my job (which are just about to turn nuclear and I am not looking forward to). I can cope with certain levels of anxiety, as I've aceepted they are what is "normal for me", but from time to time I get complete overload, often when I am subjected to things that are outside my own control. When I go into overload, it's very hard not to lose the plot and I have had to resort to medication several times in my life.

If CBT and counselling haven't helped, have you considered trying something a bit more "alternative"? - e.g hypnotherapy, Reiki etc. Sometimes the alternative stuff will work when other things have failed.

I think my biggest success was with one particular counsellor who I saw about 10 years ago. Sadly though, she isn't practising any more as she has retired. I did see another lady about 3 years ago, but I didn't feel I was getting anywhere with her, so stopped going. My first experience with counselling was much more focussed than the second one, which made me feel I was talking round and round in circles, which I didn't find helpful at all - in fact at times, it made me feel as though there were even more uncertainties.

I have suffered with anxiety/depression/health anxiety for a loooooooong time now, and I suppose the positive message of that is that it hasn't killed me yet! :)

[cwoz82]

Cat80, this was how i felt around 3 months, tearing my hair out, paranoid and desperate. Luckily for myself my doctor put me on Sertraline which whilst no miracle cure has taken the edge off of my anxiety and all but taken away the depression. Could i ask, you've been on 7 different meds in 3 years? Did you come off for serious side effects or because they didn't work? Just when i've been to my doctors i'm told we need to be on meds at least 6 months and they prefer 12-18 months treatment to see real effects and at the rate you've switched meds it averages 4/5 months per medication if they were back to back, even less treatment time if they weren't.

One fantastic piece of advice i had from one locum i saw was to get a goal...i do a lot of walking with my dogs for relaxation and the doctor said if i turned that into a goal then i'd have something to focus my attentions on so i have signed myself up for a 5k run in september and i now run with my dogs instead. Dr said i could do this with anything, taking a college course, anything only i can achieve myself! Ive found this wonderful and i know where she was coming from when she said this as it feels good, not just doing something for charity but something for me.

Other than that i'd say lavender is a God Send, baths and reading. I get so lost in books that i don't think of anything else, before i know it i've been soaking in lavender bath for an hour and i'm ready for bed! I do this about once a week, on a weekend usually when i really have time to focus on relaxing.

Obviously practical solutions are always better than medications and i've worked really hard to find my own practical solutions to help. It's also really important if you are working to schedule regular holidays.
Do you talk to family/friends about how you feel? It's worth those around you knowing

Hope this goes some way to helping/supportng. I know we are all individual in what we like and what works but you must make time for YOU!

[Thumbelina]

Dear Cat 80, very sorry about the way you feel at the moment, I am also climbing out of relapse. It feels like you are on the bottom of the well and you cant get out. For me it was sometimes also as if I had a very very heavy weight on top of me and i couldnt lift it. All around made no sense at all, there was no place where I would feel comfortable, not at home or anywhere else.

Everything was spinning around, the head felt like not mine, I was confused, didnt know why i was here or what i was doing. And then shame, anger, embarressment - all together.

And then you say - i cant stand this any more...

Cat, I think yur doctor knows the best what is good for you, but maybe you can with his consent try at least from the micro doze some of the antidepressants or herbal, and try to cope with the sideeffects for a while, but only trully believeing that they will help. They should take the edge off, most likely. Meanwhile its good to keep reading posts on this site, people share fantastic stories here and you can find so much for yourself and pull yourself out of the crisis instantly.

[Cat80]

Thank you for the replies everyone, I really appreciate it.

I've tried 6 or 7 anti d's over the past 3 and a half years. Citalopram was on for 10 weeks and felt terrible (Dr wanted me to give each medication 2 months as she said they should be having some effect by then and start up side effects gone) so she took me off them. Since them have tried Mirtazapine, Prozac, Seroxat, Sertraline (wouldn't take though as I read they were the hardest tablet to get off with terrible withdrawals) etc and none have helped at all. The side effects for me never went away not even after a couple of months so my Dr said I don't seem to react well to anti d's and to not take them anymore as I should have found one that helped by now.

I had 18 months of counselling mixed in with CBT that didn't help, mainly because my anxiety and depression happened for no reason a counsellor could help with.

I can't go out on my own at the moment the anxiety is that bad and I have no friends to go with. I have to rely on my Mum who works all week so we can only go out at the weekend so I spend the week stressing and thinking about everything.

I'm going to try and sign up to do some volunteer work at a local charity shop but I don't know if I could cope with that at the moment. I have set a goal of going to see Take That in concert next year, I've been every year since they reformed and have coped but once that is over I have that massive anti climax and nothing to look forward too again.

I've lost weight as I thought maybe being healthy would help my anxiety and depression but no, I'm a size 10-12 now at 5ft 9 and feel no better (still feel fat so still dieting).

I can't afford hypnotherapy as much as I would love to try it, I looked into it and it would take at least 10 sessions and I don't have £500+ spare at the moment.

Called my Dr's and they have no appointment with my Dr until 16th August so don't know what to do. I only like seeing a female Dr and the only other one in the surgery doesn't believe in anxiety and won't prescribe meds for it, she says it's all in the head and meds won't work so I've not seen her since she told me this

[beth52]

Hi Cat , I see you say you've tried herbs. Do you mean "over the counter" herbs such as St John's wort etc? Depression and anxiety are complex conditions and don't respond to a one size fits all approach. I would suggest that you try to see a registered herbalist as they know which combinations of herbs and dosages to use. It's not that expensive either. (unlike counselling)
I have just come off seroxat after 11 years with the help of a herbalist. I hope this is of some help , as I know how you are feeling. Best wishes Beth

[Cat80]

Thanks Beth52.

I currently don't work due to the anxiety so money is very tight. I more than anything want to be out there working again but don't know how to do this. I would love to try alternative therapies but with money so tight I just can't afford it.

[andrew]

Hi Cat80,

Sounds like your really struggling and overwhelmed by your feelings at the present, wishing you some support.

Like yourself Ive had to come to terms with anxiety and depression without the use of medication. Im not sure that it will ever totally go away but you can get much better and feel more stable. The most important thing, try not to lose hope that you will find 'a life' that you are happier with. And dont stop trying to find a way, something that didnt work for you before, might work at another time. You take care.

[Cat80]

Thank you Andrew.

I'm not coping at all at the moment. Doesn't help that my sister is being less than supportive. She's my only real way of getting out and about. But she's recently told me she doesn't want to spend time with me as I'm horrible and she'd rather spend time with her friends and this new guy she's interested in (she's only been like this since meeting this guy).

I told her can she not take just some time out from her friends while she helps me through and they would understand if she explained. Her answer, no they wouldn't understand that I was weird and she's rather spend time with them. I just don't know what I've done wrong, I do everything for her including getting her through an op she's just had for endo and she won't help me now when I'm asking for it. I just honestly don't know what to do

[sketchyboots]

That doctor of yours that "doesn't believe in anxiety" is way out of order. I would really push it at the doctors and try and get some sort of temporary relief like Diazepam (valium) - only as a temporary measure mind you as they can be addictive. Do you exercise at all? I know it is really hard to try and do anything at all when you're anxious but if you are doing no exercise then this can make anxiety worse. I have just literally forced myself to go out for a walk even though i was feeling like total crap. Can you get anyone to go for a walk with you if possible? I know it's difficult. I once had hypnotherapy for my anxiety and it helped - my mum paid for it so I was lucky. That was a long time ago though. I am pretty bad at the moment - I take valium but am very cautious about it as I think I am addicted to it. I might try a session of hypnotherapy again - I don't think it's TOO expensive - could your Mum help you pay for a session? I would really try again at the doctors too - I hate doctors that just dismiss anxiety - it is a real illness that has real effects - yes, it may be in the mind, but the mind affects the body. I took beta-blockers too, they helped - but again not for the long term - they slow the heart rate down a bit and that helps anxiety. I hope you get some help soon. I don't think you are going to have an actual breakdown - I had one of those 10 years ago - I lost touch with reality etc - you have to be that bad for it to be classed as a breakdown these days. But anxiety does make you feel like you're having a breakdown all the time doesn't it! Really hope you get the help you need and deserve - tell that doctor she doesn't know what she's on about! :huh:

[sketchyboots]

With the hynotherapy I had it cost about £30 per session and I only needed 2 sessions - £500 sounds over the top. See if you can get it cheaper somewhere - ask at your doctors surgery if they know anyone or look on web etc. Good luck :)

[daydreamer]

I also think the volunteering would be great for you, it will help you realise that you can do things on your own and that you dont have to rely on your sister. Have you got a local volunteer bureau? Im sure there would be something more that just shop work out there, they will have a whole list of all the places available. Actually, you can access these online, have a look at the placements.......

www.do-it.org.uk/ (http://www.do-it.org.uk/)
www.volunteering.org.uk/ (http://www.volunteering.org.uk/)