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hi everyone
i've been registered now for about a week and i've read alot of threads. what has struck me is how much worse problems most of you have got
than me. it's an eye opener and i feel for you. i feel that i have GAD/depression brought on by years of worry and low self esteem. the challenging job that i got 18 months ago and am now on the verge of losing was the tipping point. having said this i still only feel half worthy
of being on this site. chins up everyone
tiddles:yesyes:
Thumbelina
22-07-10, 05:44
I also find it an opener when I read some of the posts. I also have GAD for 5 years, and my relapses are less and less frequent, but i was thinking this morning when driving to work after morning anxiety attack that I am still scared of all the effect it has on me and feel drained, with the damaged selfesteem right after it, regardless of all the years of "experience" in flowing with it.
i reckon your mega brave for getting yourself to work and getting through your working day
Thumbelina
22-07-10, 05:52
How long have you suffered with your anxiety?
i'm beginning to wonder after reading alot of these threads which is very helpful cos you can only deal with stuff when it's out in the open. the job i'm in now is what brought it to a head. it's the most challenging one i've had and really wanted but i had a blackout about 3 months after i started, had 8 months off with hospital tests and since then have gone sick twice with unbearable anxiety. hope that made sense:)
Thumbelina
22-07-10, 06:19
whatever will be the outcome of your meeting with the manager - flow with it. From relapses before - last year, which were pretty bad, because they coinsided with my family problems - i though i was on the real edge. But the fact that i live away from any relative, that i have 2 kids - and a job, make me realise - that I have to sit still and start convincing myself beeng comfortabe in the situation i was - how weird it sounds, but that was the secret. Because when I was on the real edge i wanted to run away from all of this - and when i couldnt and started excepting the reality around including my conditions and the way it made me feel and attempting to see the goodness of it. Slowly you become comfortable in the real world and do not extract yourself and make an outsider.
trouble is on my days off i would be anxious 24/7 just waiting to go back to work and when i was at work i was cutting so many corners just to get my work done quick that i was putting myself in danger so that's why i'm going back till i'm sorted. my boss won't like that like i said he wants me to quit.
how long did it take you to get where you are now
tiddles,
dont for a second feel less worthy than anyone on here.
everything is relative & if you need support, you are just as entitled to it:yesyes:
cheers ozjeff
you're right mate even though some people's problems may be milder than others they still need to dealt with cos we all know that things can snowball. we are all here to help each other that's the most relevant thing. btw where are you in oz i got a sister who lives in adelaide
tiddles
Thumbelina
22-07-10, 06:40
I am 33 and i think I had my first attack when I was 16 - then when I was 21, but i didnt know about it, then 5 years ago after my both children were born I lost it. They got very sick and we are expats so no family around, and we we lived in one of ...stan countries. It just all made it worse. 1 year i was not diagnosed properly - just anxiety they were saying, panic attacks, - but still nothing was helping me, nearly killed me with the coctail of contradicting antidepressant drugs... and after we left that country because i thought i will totally go mad there, just one day packed the bags and left. Now we have lived for 4 years in the new country and I seen the same doctor all the time, I was very bad as soon as we arrived, because of the change of the country, but i knew i needed to get the job. So I did - miraculously I didnt stop working from that day, and got a better job after, with all the attacks and relapses happening along the way. I just know -I cant bare a thought of been home and only thinking of why did this happened to me and not happened to the other 90-95% people in the world. I have some stress accumulated for the past month and also my mam took the kids for 6 weeks back home, so i almost prepared myself for this relapse before they left - i knew I will start dwelling instead of making the best out of this time. Just bloody typical...tried to make a plan of actions - just make the table so far. Just sit at work till late... I dont talk much about this with my husband as he is a "makkam" and all i will get just cracking jokes or worse...
well i think you have a great attitude to your problems and i'm sure you will beat them. and you are right it is hard to talk to partners about it but i do so that she understands that one day it could happen to her. have a good day at work
tiddles,
east coast , wrong side of the country,
keep smilin, even when the suns not shinin:yesyes:
when i was at work i was cutting so many corners just to get my work done quick that i was putting myself in danger so that's why i'm going back till i'm sorted. my boss won't like that like i said he wants me to quit.
Tiddles,
There was an office where I used to work. When I started there I was happy until one day a new boss arrived. He then introduced a new regime where quantity became more important than quality. It meant that I was forced to cut corners and rush through paperwork just to satisfy his demands. One day I was called into his office and was verbally attacked for not producing the 100 a day that he was demanding. When I said to him that it wasn't personal and that I just couldn't leave things incomplete, his reply was that it Was personal and that if I couldn't fulfill the new job role that I should leave. Well, there was no way I was prepared to leave paperwork half done and it certainly wasn't going to be much fun being constantly abused for not meeting his demands. I guess I could have carried on because I doubt very much that he could have sacked me but I thought to myself was it really worth the hassle? So I resigned as soon as I found another job to go to.
In truth, the next job was even worse because I went from the frying pan into the fire so that job only lasted a year until I moved on again. The next job was enjoyable though and as a result, my anxiety was much less too so I felt alot happier in myself and about going in each day.
So, I would ask yourself, do you really feel this boss is worth your time and effort especially since he's making you ill when he doesn't care whether you stay or go, or that you're putting yourself in danger just to meet his demands?:winks:
Good point Bill,
I am a senior trade union official where I work, and one phrase I have found myself saying many times over the last 12 years is "no job in the public services is worth dying for" - i.e. don't kill yourself for the sake of getting your job done.
People can have completely unreasonable demands made of them at work, whether it's the public or the private sector; I've been there myself and have had occasions where my job has made my life a misery. At the moment, I think the recession is going to make this problem a lot worse; employers know that people are desperate for jobs, and their view will be "there's plenty more out there" if they want to get rid of people that they feel are substandard. On the other side of this, people are desperate not to lose their jobs as they know it will be difficult to get another one.
I'm having a particularly bad time at the moment, for all sorts of reasons, but I am having to deal with some pretty unpleasant stuff at work which I know is making things worse.
it is a good point and my manager has been pretty good, it's just gonna be gut wrenching to give up on this job even though i know it's probably the right thing to do. btw how do you approach getting another job when you're still off sick at your other one are you honest and do they hold it against ya
cheers
tiddles
Tiddles,
I can only speak personally on this because I'm not sure what others do these days.
When things got too much for me, I had to resign from my job on ill health grounds. I was out of work but doing voluntary work for nearly 5 years before I felt able again to get back to work. I applied for a job with the NHS and I can remember receiving the application form within which was the question regarding had I ever suffered mental health problems. At the time I was getting help from an organisation that helped people complete CV's etc. When I completed this form I was honest and said that I had suffered a period of anxiety due to a period of extreme stress at home and in my previous job BUT that I was now fully recovered. I had the interview which went well and I got the job which I must admit I really "enjoyed". Something I never thought could be possible again after the ordeal I went through in my old job.
Being honest had no problems for me but I don't know how others have tackled this situation.
Blueangel,
People can have completely unreasonable demands made of them at work, whether it's the public or the private sector; I've been there myself and have had occasions where my job has made my life a misery.
Just something to share with you. When I was in the job that helped to make my anxiety so bad, I kept my feelings to myself. Everyone thought I was so laidback until my anxiety surfaced beyond my control. I would attend meetings but my mind just wasn't there. My boss would even say to me afterwards "Where were you? I was expecting you to contribute". My mind would just be filled with worries and panic, looking out the window just wanting to escape. On the way home in my car I used to get suicidal thoughts.
It was an open plan big office and it became like "big brother". Every minute of our time had to be accounted for, even just visiting the loo! There was no respite because you were made to feel that you were being constantly watched and analysed to see how you were performing. If you were below average, your pay rise was cut.
Eventually I decided I had to explain to my boss what was really going on. By this time I was already on meds. I'll always remember her face because she started to cry in front of me. She had no idea what I had been going through at home or in the office and therefore didn't realise why I had become so distant. She was very supportive and helped me to recover.
However, it was only after I'd opened up that I discovered that there were MANY other colleagues also suffering in the same way and ALSO taking meds. ALL were also too afraid to admit the pressure was too much for them because they were all too afraid of pay cuts and losing their jobs.
The best thing I ever did was to get out of that place and everyone I met since who also left said they felt much better too.
As you so rightly say, "no job in the public services is worth dying for" - i.e. don't kill yourself for the sake of getting your job done.
A job brings in the money we need to survive but if the job makes you ill then you're not going to survive so the job becomes meaningless. There are Much more important thins in life than earning huge amounts of money, owning big houses and fancy cars because nothing can ever be more important than ones health without which you can never live to enjoy the things you've worked so hard for.
I'm Glad I got out of that job because if I hadn't, who knows, because I was soon self harming, drinking too much and taking od's. I hate to think how I might have ended up if I hadn't started to help myself....and that's partly why I'm now here on this forum...to TRY and help others avoid what I went through.:shrug:
it's scary what anxiety can do to your ability to function, it creeps up on ya over a period of time and then bosh it's on ya and you can't shake it off. suffice to say i won't give up and nor should anyone else with it. just try and remember who you once were and put your heart and soul into finding that person again. good luck everyone
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