View Full Version : Is there a way out????? Because I cant see one
Well as some of you know I had an interview today well I ended up not going, I think it is too soon to try and get back into going to work. I cant even leave the house on my own so how I would work I dont know:(
Yesterday (sunday) I had an extremly bad day. I had to go to my local pet store to get food for my guinea pigs and I ended up proper freaking out and I had a massive panic attack in the shop, I found it hard to breathe and it was the worst panic attack I have ever had:(
When I got home I was still panicking even though normally if I panic when out once im home i normally stop panicking but this time I didnt.
I kept panicking all day and night, I hardly got any sleep and then today I feel like [Ugh]
I have lost all hope in getting better, I really cant see a way out and I really dont know where to start or if I can.
I hate myself, I hate the way I look, the way I am in myself it feels like the anxiety controls me.
I used to be so confident and out-going and now I only have a small handful of friends who dont understand and I dont go out. I sit in all day everyday worrying and panicking.
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really dont know what to do anymore[xx(]
Hi hun
I felt just like you, nothing could make me feel any better. I lost friends as they didnt understand and i didnt have the energy or inclination to want them to. I struggled with my daughter and her dad had to take her whilist i suffered. I couldnt see the light. But it came round and i do understand totally how you feel. I was like you i hated my life but i hated myself, everything i stood for. I had like you been a strong lively person and now i was scared of myself. It does come better though trust me, it isnt easy and things along the way will make it hard but if you overcome them it will show you that you are once again the person you were but stronger and better for you hard experience.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
nomorepanic
20-02-06, 23:24
Hi there
Be kind to yourself.
You MUST start to change things in your life and none are easy.
Diet
Exercise
Relaxation
Correct breathing
Vitamin supplements
All are achievable so do one at a time and you will get there.
Work gives you stability in life and a purpose to go on - if you don't have that then you sit at home and do nothing.
It will come in time but don't give in.
Nicola
ItWillPass
20-02-06, 23:28
you HAVE to read the claire weekes books. I have heard people mention them here for awhile now... I am in the mental health profession, and have read a TON. So, I thought to myself, ehh im sure ive read something like that at some point. But her books are different. I really think they are essential to recovery. (not that I would know) But I have been feeling better since I began reading.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance... When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance"
"This too shall pass..."
Let us know how you are.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thanks for the quick replies, i didnt think anyone would reply.
I know I should make changes in my life to make things better, I just dont know where to start and am actually starting to think "whats the point?"
I do want to get better I just cant see it happening.
I hate everything about myself
Lauraxx
Hi hun
Someone will always reply the site and the people on here are here for everyone.
I couldnt this of changes either as to me at my lowest there was no point in thinking that but there will always be a reason, even if the fact that i will pm you and help you through this.
I have felt like you do and it scared me beyond anything i could ever imagine and i didnt want to come back from it or have the strength to fight it but something inside told me i had that choice and only i could decide that.
I will help you however i can as i truly understand how you feel.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
thanks sal xx
It is nice to know im not alone and there are people that have been through how I feel right now.
It is very kind of you to take the time to read this and reply and that goes to everyone really.
I feel I have no-one who understands me at the moment which makes me feel like im going mad.
I wish I could see a way out of this but I just cant
Lauraxx
I felt like that. I asked myself how could anyone understand the thoughts i had. I didnt know anyone who had suffered so i was left in the dark. I do understand and however i can help i will. Dont go it alone hun.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thankyou sal that is very kind of you.
My mum and my sister have been through this but they have different ways with dealing with things then I do. I find it hard to talk to them because they know me so well.
My mum has always told me I should just pull myself together and sort myself out (not exactly helpful) and my sister is too close for me to confide in.
I wouldnt want to upset them or dissappoint them.
I will be online tomorrow, im going to try and get some sleep even though i will probably be awake till 3am as usual:(
I hope to speak to you soon sal x thanks for showing understanding i dont feel so alone
Lauraxx
Hope you get some sleep. We all handle it differently and no one can say how they would cope until it happens to them. You cant totally understand until it does. If i can help i will and i am thinking of you.
Your mum and sister have their own way just like you will, but never forget that you are not alone in how you feel. Will send you a pm.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
freakedout
21-02-06, 00:09
Hi Laura,
I soooooo know how you feel, the things you post just remind me so much of myself.
I understand how you feel and how difficult it is trying to comprehend being in control again and feeling worthwhile again. I am determined not to moan, so this will be short but maybe one day soon (hopefully) we will feel positive again and instead of being so hateful towards ourselves
Take care of yourself, jobs will always be there, put yourself first and take the time out you need.
Best wishes, Lou;)
Well first of all id like to thank everyone for there replies to this topic xx
Today I feel like c**p, its my mums birthday today and I really dont think I can go and see her, I know she will be upset with me but I dont want to leave the house. Its stupid I know but I just want to stay at home, I cant face all the family being there asking me questions while I sit there panicking like mad.
It is horrible weather outside and Im sure thats not helping with how I feel today.
Iv ordered some self help books today that were recommended to me. iv ordered 2 Claire Weekes books. I hope this is my first step in dealing with my problems.
I feel yucky and horrible (time of the month) and my anxiety levels are quite high today (again) :(
Last night if things werent bad enough, my fiance's mother turned up out of the blue and invited herself in (my fiance's mum doesnt like me, i dont know why iv never given her reason to) anyway I looked a mess the house was untidy and she was looking around in disgust and i could tell that in her head she was thinking "look at the state of this place, she cant even keep the house tidy"
I dont think she will ever approve of me and my fiance has told me that she is like that with everyone so I shouldnt feel bad but i cant help it. Im not a bad person but whenever I see her she always looks at me in disgust and hardly says a word to me[}:)] ooh she is evil[}:)]
Anyways after she left I burst into tears and felt even worse than before.
I know i looked a state but getting all dolled up is the last thing on my mind considering I hate myself and the way i look, and as for the house well I do try and keep it tidy but sometimes infact honestly most of the time I just cant be bothered because I feel so awful:(
I know alot of people would just say im lazy but I really have no energy or motivation to get up and do it all.
Anyways enough of my rant and Im sorry for typing so much
Lauraxx
I dont know what to do
Laura it isnt lazy at all, like you said it is lack of motivation due to the way you are feeling. You cant help been ill and there is nothing worse people calling round when you cant face them, let alone when it is someone that you know doesnt think highly of you. Dont beat yourself up over this, its your home, your safety net so dont let her impose on you if you dont feel up to.
I am sure your mum will understand if you talk to her, call her and say you are not feeling too well and sorry you cant see her but you are thinking about her and sending her lots of best wishes and hugs.
Catch up with you later hun. Take care.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi sal xx I dont think I can get out of going to my mums tonight, I dont want to upset her. I know my sister will be there and it sounds awful but I really dont want to be around them at the moment.
Im going to have to go round my mums ( the worst part is i have to go out and get a card first):(
I will just make my excuses and leave early xx sounds awful I know but I will feel un-comfortable there.
I realised today that it is my best friends 21st birthday on saturday and she is having a school themed fancy dress party[:O] there are going to be loads of people there and I really dont want to go but I know she wont talk to me if I dont go, she tries to understand but I know she dont.
Now im panicking about this, I really dont want to go but i have no choice, iv been friends with her since nursery and we went to school together and everything. I cant let her down, she will never forgive me.
Lauraxx
stevepinker
21-02-06, 14:43
I feel for you I think we all know how it feels to have to leave early even when you know
It might seem rude, then sitting at home wishing you had company
Well just to update I decided to not let my mum down and actually went out and bought her a birthday card and a nice bunch of flowers which I didnt actually panic about then went round my mums, my sister was there we had a good natter and then I came home, I was there for over an hour and didnt really panic.
I still feel like c**p in myself, still think I look like s**t and feel like it too.
Im a little bit proud that I managed to go out without having any "major" panic but I still feel really down.
I dont know where to start with trying to overcome this.
I feel like I'm in a big black tunnel thats boarded up at both ends so there is no way out.
Well enough of me waffling on xx
thanks for all the replies, makes me realise perhaps I can get through this
Luv Laura xx
you certainly can get thru this.
i have struggled so much. You wouldn't believe where i was last year!! the truth is that this feeling does not last forever. no feelings stay the same. there is a way out!!
well done for going out anyway even though you didn't want to. this is a positive step forward.. keep going..!
well done,
lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
Hun you can get through this. So pleased you went to see your mum and that getting her a card and flowers you didnt panic. That is great and you want to be so pleased with yourself for doing so. It would have been so much easier to stay at home and blame the weather but you didnt.
I think you have done great and you should look at yourself and appreciate how you felt you put others feelings first. Thats a big positive and a bit well done for you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thanks lisaS xx
and thank you sal xx I dont feel that proud because I was only visiting my mum, Im still feeling bit c**p. I still feel down.
Tomorrow im going to try and go out to my local health food shop to look at some natural remedies and vitamins etc. i wont be going til the evening because thats the only time I can go with my fiance.
I do want to get better, I just dont know if its possible:(
Thankyou for your words of encouragement and comfort sal xx it is much appreciated and I hope I can return the favour xx
Luv Laura xx
It is possible hun and i know you can do it.
Thinking about you and here if you need me.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
I really feel for you laura ,i can see you are really suffering at the moment...my heart goesout to you..
Please` try not to care what any one else,thinks or say... care only about yaself.. if you had cancer someone would care.. if you had a heart problem someone would care..if you u was handicap someone would care... so coz you cant see your pain and suffering does that mean it isnt there, WELL IT IS.
IF YOU HAVNT FELT< BREATHED AND TASTED ANIXTEY and DEPRESSION ETC ETC then you havnt got a clue huh... this what you are expericing isnt nice at all, its no joke and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy...actually for a mere second or to i would like to give it to those people that ever doubted GAD/DEPRESSION or any other mental health sufferers,just so they know exactley what it is like.
Laura listen love stay strong ,it will ease but you have to weather the storm so to speak, its awlful and nasty and frightening and it depresses you,and you cant stand life but you want to live,in some cases they dont... but trust me,with medication,relaxtion classes,reading up on the knowledge and really getting to understand this,with help from all of us and reading each others expericenes,eventually your mind will not be fooled anymore---
TRY NOT TO WORRY THE MORE YOU DO THE MORE YOU FEED ANIEXTY/PANIC/DEPRESSION ETC ETC AND THE FATTER AND FATTER IT BECOMES IT LOVES TO FEED FROM YOUR FEARS...
BUT hay thats easyier said than done,
im sorry you are suffering ,i know what ya feeling ... as strong as this message is belive me ,im scared to and im suffering to,im in the thick of it..
take care sleep well and if you dont sleep good,try and think nice thoughts ... well try...
ashleyx
Thankyou ashley xx you are completly right.
I slept ok last night, I feel the same this morning as I have the past few weeks xx I just wish one day I would wake up and feel different, a little bit better xx
Anyway im doing the same as I do every day today, nothing.
I look around me and the house is a mess I should really tidy up and do some cleaning but I just cant find the motivation to actually get up and do it!!
I might try and do something today at least.
I have a tummy ache today, I think its just worry as usual:(
Anyways I better stop babbling on xx
Lauraxx
bluesparkle
22-02-06, 12:44
hi laura...
i just wanted to echo what the others have said... it will get better...honest ... i know its easy to say but it will happen.
ive been like many others where you are now and so have alot of others thats why we understand each other on here... have a read of some of the success stories they used to give me encouragement but at my worst i thought that only other peole would get better and not me but this is not true...
im not sure im making sense here but just wanted to say you are not alone...
and also you did really well to go to your mothers in the end... that alone is definately a step in the right direction
take care
rach
Thankyou Rach xx i am glad i found this site as i didnt realise how many people were in the same situation.
I too read the success stories but when im feeling my lowest I just think those people are lucky and are meant to get better and perhaps im not meant to, silly i know but its the only way i think when im this low.
I know I done well to go round my mums but at the time I didnt think it was a big deal, even though I really didnt want to go and pretend everything is ok when it isnt I did go because I knew my mum would of been upset with me and I cant tell her the real reason i didnt want to go, sometimes infact all the time I find it hard to open up to the people im closest to, if that makes sense?
I do want to get better its just I cant see myself getting any better as Ive been like this for so long now xx
Luv Laura xx
Well today I spent the day as I spend everyday alone and down and depressed.
I live with my fiance, he works 5 sometimes 6 days a week and I end up on my own all day.
I gave up work 1 year ago due to my depression and anxiety.
I cant be bothered to do housework or do everyday things like get dressed properly and make an effort. I just dont see the point and end up sitting arounf the house feeling ugly and useless.
I so need to do some housework but once I get up I have no motivation, I know some of you are thinking "god she is lazy" but i never used to be like this. I admit i dont enjoy cleaning but i used to do it because its a case of having to but now i dont do it half as much as I should.
Im really dreading my best mates party this weekend, I really dont want to go but she has already said that if i dont come then she will feel hurt and wont talk to me:(
I just feel [Ugh]
I wish i didnt
Lauraxx
I hope you are feeling better.
I have been where you are and, while I don't claim to be completely better, I do have a better outlook on things and am feeling more positive.
It does get better, be kind to yourself.
Annie x
Well tomorrow night is my friends birthday party, I so dont feel up to going. Too many people there and will feel panicky etc.
The thing is my friend said if I dont go she will be very upset with me and probably wont talk to me again, I have let her down so many times because of my panic attacks and she is getting fed up of being let down all the time, which is understandable. I dont want to let her down but I also really dont feel up to going to a 21st school themed fancy dress party!! :(
I dont know what to do:(
Any advice would be greatly apprecciated
Laura xx
Laura,
I apologize in advance for being harsh but in order to get up one day and feel better you are going to have to do something different.
If you continue to do the same thing each day how can you expect any different outcome at all?
I know with depression motivation is a huge issue and very hard to overcome but in order to progress you wiill need to change something. Find a hobby or a new interest or ask your GP for some CBT or counselling.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi Laura
I've been where you are now with depression. It isn't laziness that prevents you from getting up and doing things but lack of motivation that goes with depression. I spent a period of time recently just lying in bed all day and not feeling able to do anything.
So I do understand what it is like but I have to say that remaining like that didn't help me feel any better. It is true that to start to feel better it is necessary to find the inner strength to do even one thing differently. Perhaps get up for a short period of time and sit in a different room. Or get up and have a bath/shower and get dressed for a while if you feel you can. It is repeatedly trying to do a bit more each day that will help.
I have finally realised that it is true that I had no chance of getting better until I started to make changes however hard that might be.
Regarding the party, could you perhaps aim to go for a short period of time and say to your friend that you might need to leave after say an hour? Once you get there you might even find that you enjoy yourself.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
Explain to her I know people that have never felt like this dont understand before i did i wa guilty. You can only do what you are capable of and we are all here thinking about you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi laura
Try & go to your friends birthday for say an hour tommorow, just to say you went & showed your face at least. You are stronger than you think & i bet when you get ther you will really enjoy it to.
Take Care
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
Well today is the day of my friends fancy dress birthday party[:O]
I tried going out earlier to get birthday card and present and ended up coming back cos I had a massive panic attack:(
I tried talking to my friend but she doesn't understand and she has made me feel worse by giving me a guilt trip:(
Im not sure wether to go or not, its quite a distance from our home.
I dont want to upset her but I know I will feel awful when im there and I already feel awful [xx(]
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Its so frustrating!!
I wish I could be my old self, not a worry in the world and go out and have a laugh without all the anxiety and the "what if" thoughts
Laurax
Hi Laura
Can someone get you to your friends party so you do'nt have to get there on your own?
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
Yes my partner is invited too, me and my partner tried going out earlier because I need to get a card and present but we ended up coming back because I had a massive panic attack.
My partner lives with me and he does try and understand but he hasn't been through this before and he didnt know anything about it till I started suffering.
Laurax
nomorepanic
25-02-06, 17:57
Laura
Why not having a relaxing bath to try and calm down and then go over there.
If you feel bad then just make your apologies and leave.
Good luck
Nicola
hi laura hope you managed ,[Yeah!]even if you didnt dont fret over it.it takes time to overcome this.small steps is the best way i find.you will get there in the end.take care marcia xx
i have to do it for my kids if not for myself marciaxx
So sorry didnt reply to your text but been at work. How are you hun, have been thinking about you
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Sue K with 5
26-02-06, 04:50
Hi Laura I have been reading your post tonight and I have a little suggestion which might help.
I have a brilliant friend who also suffers from panic and agoraphobia, we have never met in person but have swapped mobile numbers, we both struggle to even go the the shops sometimes but have devised this system whereby we take each other out every day even for a walk with the dog.
We have been doing it two weeks now and in the time our little plan has worked wonders, maybe you have a friend on here you have made who would like to work with you on this.
If your stuck and you would like to try this method I am more than happy to offer you my mobile number at any time
You can fight this You really can dont give up and dont let it take over your life
Take care and PM me if you want some help
Sue with 5
scknight
Hi Laura
How are you feeling today. I am pleased you have a supportive partner and it is hard for people who havent suffered to know what to do for the best. We know ourselves when we first start suffering we dont even know what to do let alone others who havent.
Keep in touch hun xxx
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well hello everyone!!!!!!
Well yesterday I spent all day fretting about the party, I was so un-decided, I really didnt want to go because I felt so down and crappy the thought of having to dress up like a school-girl and go to a party where there would be lots of pretty girls made me feel even worse.
I eventually managed to go out and get birthday card so I decided to go to party.
Felt SO nervous and was shaking when I arrived but once I was there I settled in and had a great time.
And.......
I stayed til the end!!!!! [Wow!]
Im glad I went and my friend was chuffed I turned up.
Sal- I was tempted to ring you when I was on way to party cos I was panicking loads but I didt want to disturb you[:I]
Sue- Thankyou for your reply xx I think your right about the friend thing. It might give me the motivation I need to actually do something everyday.
Thanks for everyones words of encouragement I'm so proud of myself today that I actually feel like going shopping!![Yeah!]
Laura xx
Hi Laura
So pleased you got to the party, i knew you could do it. Well done
Take Care
Alex
Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart
Thanks Alex I am really proud of myself and have had a good day today which is a nice change:D
Laura xx
Such great news Laura. Very well done indeed.
I am so pleased you enjoyed yourself too. You have every reason to feel proud of yourself.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Thanks Karen xx
It is strange how something so "normal" to do is so pleasing for someone like me:D
Laura x
You have so much going for you and you have a boyfriend that worships you please dont let this take all that away from you. I am so proud of you and seeing the pics you smiled all the way through it. You can beat this and i will help you all i can.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thanks Sal xx I must admit I couldnt have done this without the support and encouragement I have had off you xx
Its nice to finally know people who understand what im going through xx
Iv lost so many friends since suffering with panic attacks because they dont understand and think im going "mad"
Laura xx
You dont have to thank me you are doing so well in yourself. You pushed yourself and it went well. Proud of that and you know you can only keep doing that and i will support you all i can.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well last night I didnt get to sleep til late, so this morning I didnt wake up til 11am.
Im trying to motivate myself today to do some housework, I really dont feel like it but it needs doing so Im going to try and motivate myself:D
Will let you know how it goes xx
Laura xx
Laura,
I'm brand new here (today). I read some of your posts because yours appeared next to mine.
I just wanted to say that I always used to tell people that the only certainty in life is change, but I never really appreciated what it meant. Until last Christmas when my wife ended our marriage for someone else, and my world fell apart (we have 2 children). To cut a long story short, I wanted to end my own life after Christmas. I couldn't see the point in going on. Now, 10 weeks later, I still feel abysmal a lot of the time, and to be honest I don't know how to get out of it (I'm hoping this forum will help me). But I know I don't want to kill myself any more. And even through the pain and despair, I can recognise that something has changed - from wanting not to go on, to being willing to go on. And if that can change, maybe other things can too. So let's see what time brings.
I hope it brings you more happiness and better feelings.
Take care of yourself and take one step at a time, and good luck.
Jason
Hi Jason thanks for the reply, and welcome to the forum x
Im sorry for what you have been through recently and it is good that you are sounding very positive in your post.
I hope things do start to change soon and Im going to try my hardest to make some changes even if they are only small to start with.
Thanks for the kind words
Laura x
Here for you and we will get through this together. Not everyday you get a little sis you can boss about.
You are doing so well and i am so proud of you and it will get better trust me and i wont ever let you down.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thanks Sal xx
Today I'm feeling down again, I knew the happiness wouldnt last.
The reason why im like this is because its my nan's memorial on Saturday she passed away 3years ago :( I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I miss her so much because she was a member of the family who I could tell anything to, she was always there for me and always made me feel better.
I miss her so so much and I dont know how Im going to get through saturday.
Laura x
I understand how you feel babe. Im sorry you didnt want to talk tonight. Saturday will be hard but i will be here for you and you are not alone at all.
Thinking about you and how well you have coped so far. Dont forget how special you are and how your nan would be so proud of how you are managing to cope even when feeling so low.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Sue K with 5
01-03-06, 00:58
Hi Loz
I am sorry your so sad! I was close to my nan too and sometimes when I am feeling so low I sit and wonder how she would have done something, I am sure she is looking down on you and sending you lots of postives and try and enjoy the memorial on saturday look at it as a celebration to her life !
She would like that I am sure
Big Hugs for saturday
Sue with 5
scknight
*Today I'm feeling down again, I knew the happiness wouldnt last.
The reason why im like this is because its my nan's memorial on Saturday she passed away 3years ago I still remember it like it was yesterday.*
THis is sadness that is expected and you are expressing normal emotions here. This bit is not depression or anxiety but how we alll would feel when remembering a sad event that was only a very short time ago.
You look after yourself and its totally fine to feel really bad during this time, you will perk up again afterwards.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Will be thinking about you on Saturday, please dont forget that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well today hasn't been a bad day. Something clicked in my head this morning and I suddenly realised that my life isnt all that bad after all.
I have a loving partner who is helping me through this tough time even though he doesnt understand it all. and for this im lucky cos there are alot of men out there (especially my age) who would run a mile. So he must really love me and that makes me :D
So for him to support me the way he is im going to try my hardest to make an effort and help myself.
I just realised that my life isnt as bad as i think sometimes, it could be a hell of a lot worse and i should be grateful for that.
i managed to actually do some housework:D:D
Finally found the motivation, going to try and do some other things tomorrow. Possibly walk my dog down the road abit[:O]
Still nervous and down about Saturday but im trying not to think about it too much, my partner has said that after visiting my nans grave and paying my respects that he will take me shopping and treat me to some new clothes:D which will be nice as I havent bought myself anything new for AGES.
Will let you know how tomorrow goes.
But all in all things arent looking too bad.
Thanks for everyones support,
I dont know where I'd be if I hadnt found this site
Love you all,
Laura xx:D:D
Hi Laura
Pleased today has been a better day for you. Only you can see what you have in your partner i could have told you a thousand times but would you have listened.
I know saturday is not going to be easy for you but i am here and you can call me whenever you want. I will text you my work number.
Reading your post you seem to have moved on a little bit and that is great and all i wanted for you. I wanted you to see reasons to not give in, i could have told you them a thousand times but until you saw them you wouldnt believe it, but you have seen that and that is down to you persevering and not giving in. You are a lot stronger than you realise and i can see that and i want you to realise that hun.
Love you laods little sis and dont forget that. Plus if you get in a strop with me again with me being the older one i can surely grass on you and get you in trouble xxxxx
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Hi Big sis (aka Sal) xxxxxxx
im nowhere near over this but I can see a reason to carry on now, which I couldnt see before xxxx
Hope things with you are ok xx miss ya loads xx
Hope to hear from you soon xx
Love
Laura xx
Thats a start and we will work on the rest. Trust me xxx
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well today I have managed to motivate myself and do more housework today, which is good.
Tomorrow is the day my nan passed away 3 years ago, my partner has the day off and we are going to put flowers on her grave and I will have a chat with her. (sounds weird but whenever I visit her grave I always have a chat with her)
Its going to be a difficult day but I will get through it.
After visiting my nans grave I am going to try and go shopping with my partner. I may treat myself to some new clothes[^]
Hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly, I dont care how panicky I feel I WILL go to my nans grave and put some flowers down.
Trying to remain positive even though I dont quite feel it.
Lauraxx
Well done you.
Will be thinking about you tomorrow and here if you need me hun.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Thanks sal xx I aprecciate it hun xx
Not looking forward to tomorrow but I will get through it somehow xx
Laura xx
Will be thinking of you and you know where i am.
Take care and remember you are not alone.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well today is the day of my nans memorial:(:(
I am going out this afternoon to put some flowers on her grave.
I am dreading going out but it has to be done.
I miss my nan so much, I found I could talk to my nan about anything and now she has gone I cant talk to anyone.
Lauraxx
Thinking of you today and maybe you spent a bit of time talking to her at the graveside and perhaps having a good cry.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you are ok this evening.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Thanks for the words of support xx
Hi well just to update.
I found the weekend very hard, starting to feel abit better but still constantly thinking about my nan.
Other than that my sleep pattern is still all over the place :(
Things between me and my fiance aint too good at the moment, we are arguing alot about silly things and important things too. Its getting me down and I really dont know what to do for the best.
I love him and he loves me but the arguing is driving me crazy.
Perhaps its just a blip and will pass over - I sure hope thats what it is.
Laura xx
Hi Laura,
Glad you are starting to feel a little better. It is perfectly understandable that you are thinking about her all the time at the moment. This is probably what is affecting your sleep patterns as well.
I agree with you, it is a blip because of the stressful time. I hope you start to feel better soon, just take things slowly.
Take care.
Tammy x
Well last night I went to bed earlier and found that I fell asleep by 1am!! Which is very early for me recently!!
Then I woke up at 10am this morning which is very early!!
So fingers crossed tonight will be successful too.
Apart from that things arent too good at the moment, me and my partner are arguing LOADS at the moment.
Tonight we have spent in seperate rooms:(
Im not sure what to do
Laura xx
Hi hun
I was pleased to get your text last night to say you were in bed and i am pleased you got some sleep. You and matt will work it out i am sure, you both need to talk and as much as he needs to be able to live his life, like you say, if he is in this with you, you need his support. I know it is hard for him and you with how you feel but if you both love each other there are no boundaries and support is there without question. You do what is best for you and i will always be here as you big sis to support you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Today is a crap day.
My partners dad is coming over from spain on tuesday (he recently moved out there).
The plan was that he was coming over for 2 days then flying out to Italy to visit some of his friends then to come back to us 4 days later for another 2 days then fly back to his home in Spain.
Now he emailed me today to say his plans have changed in the last minute. He is now not going to Italy so he will be staying with us till 22nd march.
Now I was happy with his first set of plans because it was only 2 days at a time and I was happy with that. (the reason im like this is because we bought his house of him so when he comes back to visit he acts like its still his house and makes me feel like a spare part, it doesnt feel like my home when he is here) So I was happy it was 2 days at a time because then I could handle it easier with the panic attacks etc.
Now its all changed at the last minute im worrying and panicking.
Im going to end up sitting upstairs in our bedroom avoiding him because thats the only part of the house that feels like ours.
It is really frustrating, I do like his Dad but I just feel awkward around him. He doesnt understand my panic attacks and makes me feel guilty about not going out.
Im dreading Tuesday now.
Im full of anxiety.
I know Im going to end up spending all day everyday in our bedroom.
Laura xx
You will cope hun and you need to remember how much stronger you are than you give yourself credit for. Text me if you need me but i know how strong ou are and i wish you could see that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well my partners dad is here now.
He arrived here yesterday.
I have spent both yesterday and today in our bedroom, its hard to explain but I feel awkward around his dad as this used to be his house so whenever he comes over he still acts like its his house, and it makes me feel out of place like i shouldnt be here.
I feel awkward around him as he doesnt understand my panic attacks at all. He just thinks im being silly.
Tonight my partner and his dad have gone out for dinner.
I cant go because 1. leaving the house at the moment is a difficult task and 2 i HATE eating infront of people i feel like they are staring at me and it makes me feel sick.
I havent eaten much all day and i dont feel like eating at all.
I feel hungry but im not that bothered if I dont eat.
His dad is here for another week yet:(
I dont know how im going to cope.
Dont get me wrong I like his dad its just that he doesnt understand me that makes it difficult for me.
Also I find it hard to have a relationship with a "father figure" as I have never even bonded with my own father.
(my dad left my mum when i was a baby, he was cheating on her with several other women while my mum was pregnant with me)
Over the years my father was in and out of my life.
He made promises to me when i was little to take me out for the day, he pretty much broke every promise he ever made to me, alot of the time he wouldnt show up and i would sit by the window ALL DAY crying in the hope that every single car that pulled up was my dad.
Another typical "dad" moment was when he promised me he would come round to see me on my 13th birthday, he turned up 2 weeks later like nothing was wrong and when I asked him why he didnt come round on my birthday he said "sorry i was at a important football match"
Over the years it really affected me how my dad could make promises to his own child and break them like it meant nothing.
Another thing that upset me was that he would show up a few days later and not say a word why he didnt turn up. I mean how long does it take to make a quick phonecall to let me know?? instead of leaving me waiting.
I cant type anymore as this is upsetting me letting this all out.
Im sorry this is so long but once i started i couldnt stop.
Laura xx
Hi Laura
I appreciate how hard this is for you babe and i hope you have explained this to your boyfriend. He will only know if you tell him and if you cant tell him let him read this post. I understand how it must be hard to cope when his dad is around when you are not used to that but why not try and make a slow connection with him. Who knows babe he could be the father figure you never had. Not saying that will happen but if you try a little you never know what might happen. It is easier to hide away but that isnt helping you. You will still be in your home if you approach him and wont be out of your safety network so isnt it worth a try. From you have said you dont have a lot to lose but so much more to gain. You are young and by no way am i putting you down (little sis) just seeing how i was at your age. Opportunities passed me by and i do regret some of them, just want to support you and to see you not let things pass you by that i know you are well capable of doing.
By no way judging you or telling you what to do but just giving you advice from the experience i have gained.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Here for you and you are not alone never forget that hun.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Well just to update.
I have spent everyday in our room, finding it hard to go downstairs and "face the music" so to speak.
I just find it easier to be upstairs where I feel "safe".
But today was a MAJOR breakthrough!! :D
I went downstairs and ended up having a loonnng conversation with my partners dad:D
I was feeling really uncomfortable and panicky and felt like running up the stairs to get back where I feel safe, but I didnt. I stayed down there for half an hour chatting to his dad before my partner got home from work.
Im quite proud of myself:D
Tonight my partner and his dad are going out for ANOTHER meal.
I didnt go the first time and my partner explained to his dad that I cant eat out because i feel everone is watching me and i end up feeling sick which ends up ruining the whole thing, and he said his dad was fine with it.
Well I do feel kinda left out as my partner is going out again for a meal with his dad. Im not jealous, I dont mind i just wish I could go with them and know im not going to panic but I cant.
Anyways slight progress today:D
Laura xx
Well done Laura. Every step is one further along the recovery path.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
nomorepanic
17-03-06, 19:46
Great news Laura and a big step forward.
Hope you have a lovely weekend together.
Nicola
Well just to update......
My partners dad is back in spain now. I stayed pratically the whole time in our bedroom.
Sunday just gone I managed to go to my mums with my partner, i was really anxious as I had spent the last week in our bedroom and not been out anywhere so this was my first outing for ages.
Well I was anxious when we was leaving but once I was at my mums I felt comfortable and we stayed there for 2hours!! :D:D
Now this week i have been indoors but at least now i can potter around the house without feeling uncomfortable:D
Im going to try and make myself go for a walk with my little dog at least once a week then im going to gradually build this up til its everyday.
I want to be able to step outside on my own without feeling uncomfortable:D I WILL do this (although it will be hard at times)
Sorry I havent been on much lately but I didnt really feel like coming online because I was so down but I hope to come on alot more now.
Hope everyones ok, and thanks for the words of support and encouragement, I dont know what I'd do without you guys xxxx
Laura xx
Hi Laura
That is great hun and you are doing really well. Great to hear from you again being worried about you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Hi hun
How are you getting on today?
Thinking about you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
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