Depressed with how my life is.....no support

[Katiex]

I feel so down. I just can't take anymore. I have Fibromyalgia which I can't take medication for due to sensitivities, two young sons aged 2 and 4, no job, no money, a house which I'm struggling to decorate alone with no money to do it, I'm sick of cleaning when my house looks so bad anyway, I can't drive, I don't go anywhere or do anything that I want to do as I either have no time or money.

I feel so alone. My parents have been there constantly for my brother and sister, decorated my sisters houses over the years within two weeks as my dad is a builder, my mum came out of work to look after her son full time while she went back to work, was there everyday for a cup of tea and a chat.

My parents don't visit me, even though my brother lives in the next street they drive past my house and my children see them and get upset. That is heartbreaking seeing them crying for them.

My dad finally came to tile my bathroom floor on the 8th of June after months of asking, only for him to draw a few lines of pencil on my floor to measure then leaving and saying he'd come back the next day. I found out they went to my sisters house instead to put her wardrobes up. He never bothered to come back. Its now 25th July.

I used to visit my parents and if they had other visitors my mum would act like the doting mother and grandparent in front of them. When they left her face and attitude changed, she then sat with a crossword and totally ignored me and the kids until I gave in and left.

When I mention my illness they say 'Do you not think how we feel? I have high blood pressure (caused by excessive drinking every night for the past 26 years and chain smoking)' or my dad says he feels worse than me and that my symptoms are just anxiety.

I've tried talking to them but they cause a big argument and last time my mum slapped me across the face as I protested at her dragging me up from my seat.

I have distanced myself from them but I am struggling so much, so severely stressed with my boys and have so many positive things that I want to do but its always a catch 22. Such as giving up my driving lessons as I can't afford them. My mum and dad won't let me put my youngest into childcare so I can work as they say its selfish and then reel off all these horror stories to put me off.

I've tried speaking to my health visitor, GP, Surestart, Homestart etc but none have helped.

I'm now having to have counselling, CBT and anger management to cope.

Sorry I've rambled on quite a bit :huh:

[Luna]

Sounds like my family. They think someone's having a difficult time if they have a baby or go into hospital, but there's no acknowledgement of stress and anxiety, like it's the easiest thing in the world.

Work sounds like a good idea if you can. Lots of people put their kids into childcare, so they can't be that bad, can they? If you are happier that will make your kids happier and it might be better than brooding at home. I know I've felt a lot better since starting work part-time.

The counselling, CBT and anger management will help you cope better in the future, so give yourself a bit more time to get your life back on track. Just don't push yourself too much, like getting a driving licence. Just believe it'll come in time, but you can't make it happen by magic. Just like fixing your parents ;)

[Jumpy]

Hi

I too have Fibromyalgia and am very sensative to medication. No-one can understand what it is like to live with, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.

I quite agree with Luna work may well be the answer and its what works for you that is important. I use to book on free course at the local education place, which also had free childcare places. You would be amazed how much that helped getting out for an hour learning and knowing the kids were safe.

At the grand old age of 45 I have just learnt to not be bullied by what my mum thinks and do what is best for me. It was really hard to do but the only way to get rid of some of the stress she causes.

[alias_kev]

Hi Kay,

Its sad to hear what you write, but also I think it is quite common. Your parents sound like the type who can acknowledge physical need or help during your siblings perceived success but have not the slightest empathy with mental health (ie. depression and/or anxiety) or even other situations such as lone parenting. This is sad, and obviously especially sad for you. I sometimes think such people have a tremendous repressed fear of these situations and conditions, which is why they avoid us so much. So we get treated more like Lepers. This is unfair but its hard to change their mental makeup.

I come from a large family (as does my wife) and have also been "the least likely to be visited" over many many years (I'm 48). Even if they were doing something involving driving within half a mile or less. My elderly parents also got the same, rarely saw grandchildren (except my kids) once they did not travel themselves and certainly not great grand-kids. That's not much consolation, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in this either.

I fail to see why your parents should control your use of childcare, its not like they are offering to childmind instead is it! You have you own home and your own life, and it sounds like you need to "get on with that" as no-one else is offering much help. Its almost like they want you punished for being a single parent - sorry I should not say that, but this kind of thing does my head in. :hugs:

Don't worry about the state of your home, as it sounds to me as if you are trying to avoid being judged by your family for not having a "lovely house"! Clean and tidy is far more important than nicely decorated. Especially to your kids. As is you lowering your anxiety and stress.

When you have the money tackle one job at a time. For advice - ask! - or get something good like the Collins - Jackson/Day "Complete DIY manual". Around in various editions and secondhand too. (check amazon, alibris, etc).

As to getting out - with the age of your little ones, a trip to the park and a picnic or a ride on a bus will be an exciting outing. And you might meet some other mums and a slight sense of community and support. Also check for events at the library and so on over the school holidays.

[Katiex]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have taken a massive nosedive this morning. I feel that people would be better off if I wasn't here and am considering leaving. Not sure where to go. The children will be staying with their dad.

Last night was terrible. I was cooking tea when the cat jumped up and dug its claws in my leg, the claws were so deep that she was actually hanging from the skin on my leg. The scratch is that bad it has bruised around it. I decided I have to get rid of her today as I can't have that happening to the children.

As I was cleaning up the blood my fire alarms went off, they were so loud I had to send the children into the kitchen as the noise was so deafening. The oven was on so I then had to think where I could let the children stand without their hearing being damaged while I turned them off. I rang my ex partner to come and switch them off and I took the children into the garden. By that time I had gone deaf in one ear and my throat had gone funny when I was talking it sounded like I was talking down my nose which set off a major panic attack.

My ex came and switched them off then proceeded to shout at me saying that he doesn't know why I couldn't switch them off myself etc.

He took my youngest to stay with him so me and my oldest watched TV for a while. About 8.30pm my son started screaming that he had something in his eye so I was trying to get it out but he wouldn't open his eye. I took him upstairs to put some wet cotton wool on it but I caught sight of something big stuck to his pupil. I washed my hands and tried to move it with my little finger, I would've thought that it would have come off but it was stuck and my son was writhing about in agony. It took me about 15 minutes to remove it, by this time my son was exhausted and sweating.

I then sat for the rest of the night in shock at how much seems to happen within a short period. The fact that I always have to rely on other people. I can't take anymore.

For the past few months my sister has been having problems and even though I have my own I have taken the time to talk to her whenever she brings hers up. She sent me a message yesterday so I mentioned what had happened and that things like this are happening more frequently and I feel like I'm going to collapse. I had no reply.

I feel like I have no one at all to turn to. Today I am empty. I don't want to live. If I didn't have children I don't think I would want to waste anymore time breathing. I know I should let it go but I am struggling so badly to cope and no one listens or cares. As long as they are happy thats all that matters, I'm just a burden to them (thats what they told me). I'm beginning to believe maybe its me with the problem and everyone else in normal. I can't make sense of anything anymore.

[calm]

i went down that path and it truly truly is not the solution...get to the doctors quick....explain your feelings....write them down before you go - make a list...ok.
i had those feelings of being a true burden - the whole family were in turmoil over my illness....please please please go to the doctors.....please xxxx

[Luna]

Your children do really need you. They are at their happiest when you are happy and well enough to support them without feeling like your being overwhelmed.

I agree with Calm. Go visit the doctor and discuss how you've been in the last couple of days.

Good luck.