Michael03
26-07-10, 20:59
Hey all
I used to be a member here back in the day, lost my account info. Ive had anxiety for about 8 years. Kicked it once, but a year later it came back stronger and took a good hold. I feel very awkward in social places and going out on my own. I lost friends, stayed indoors, had bouts of depression etc.
Well I hooked up with literally the girl of my dreams just over a year ago. Anxiety really played a bit part in a long stretch at the start of the relationship. It was rocky to say the least. Seeing her I would feel rushed, physically I was locked up pretty tight for a while, I couldnt bare the arguments this caused and would storm off home at those times. I wasnt easy to be around, or be with I guess. I felt really bad on 2 levels. I never wanted the anxiety to cause problems for the two of us, in the end I felt like I was battling my anxiety and her. It was very tough.
So we had problems for a while. Things were rocky, but in the end things did die down quite a lot and we were very happy. Both of us were affected by the bad things at the start of out relationship tho. But things were so good a few months back, I was contemplating putting a success story on the site. We were going on days out together, even packed places, it didnt matter so much anymore. I could have gotten up to something every day!
One thing I have yet to do, meet her dad. I feel bad about that, I chickened out a few times and it fueled the fire that there was actually something to be wary of. I know its all nonsense but it provoked a serious fight or flight reaction from me on a few occasions. How lame.
Well, so things were real good. Then all of a sudden a few months ago, I became very stressed. My family found out that my younger sister had stage 4 non hodgkins lymphoma. Her doctor had mis-diagnosed her for 8 straight months with depression and self harming (scratching) Things became so stressed at home. I had to do so many things I hated. Shaving my sisters head when she was losing her hair. Taking her to find a wig. Seeing her cry. Everyone at home was leaning on me for support and I had to play the strong one.
I took some advice to just get on with things, and I tried. But I was so busy now. i had to continue working. Now taking my sister to hospital 2-3 times a week. I never really stopped to accept what was going on with my sister, I just tried to get on with things. I dont think that was a good idea looking back. I became very stressed, outwardly - I was feeling down. My girlfriend tried to cheer me up, when it didnt work it caused a lot of problems between us. She tried to dig dirt up on me online and falsely accused me on some things. Thought I was lying about going to work and thought I was avoiding her. If I was quiet I got asked is it this, that, x,y or z. I felt so much pressure that my anxiety was starting to come back on.
I started smoking again temporarily. Id quit for about a year. I have quit again now, but that speaks volumes that things were getting to me. I started to become very stressed at work. In the end my girlfriend was having a go at me to get some time off so I could relax. I finally did and I decided that I would spend it at home, and now she wants to finish things with me because of that. It is like she cannot realize the pressure I am under, having anxiety problems, this going on with my sister and also having pressure with her.
It is all to much.
Is it really possible to be in a relationship with somebody if you have anxiety problems? I wanted to turn to my girlfriend for support, but when she saw my change of mood, when I started feeling down - she just started problems with me. It made me cautious of using her for support.
I get such conflicting advice from her. She tells me I am doing really well, I am coping amazingly well. Then she will have a go at me because I have not had time off to relax. Then she'll accuse me of being selfish saying it is all about my sister, not me. And then she'll say the world does not revolve around my sister. She tells me I am wallowing. When infact, it is her giving me extra problems that has accounted for maybe even half of my stress. I just wanted somebody I could turn to :(
I dont know what to make of the advice I get from her. I know she is frustrated because I have been feeling down, but I have not been taking it out on her. I might be draining to be around at the moment, but if she loved me, surely she would hold out and support me. The worst I have done is talk to her about how I am feeling, and Ive been a little quiet on the odd occasion.
The stress of everything has got to me tho. I feel tired all of the time. Anxious at work now, anxious at home. My brain wont turn off. Im hoping this week at home will help me to recoup some.
Advice please. How do you find being in a relationship having anxiety problems? I dont want mine to ruin my relationship, I just want her to understand. And she should, because she has had problems in the past herself.. I dont know.
Thanks for reading.
I used to be a member here back in the day, lost my account info. Ive had anxiety for about 8 years. Kicked it once, but a year later it came back stronger and took a good hold. I feel very awkward in social places and going out on my own. I lost friends, stayed indoors, had bouts of depression etc.
Well I hooked up with literally the girl of my dreams just over a year ago. Anxiety really played a bit part in a long stretch at the start of the relationship. It was rocky to say the least. Seeing her I would feel rushed, physically I was locked up pretty tight for a while, I couldnt bare the arguments this caused and would storm off home at those times. I wasnt easy to be around, or be with I guess. I felt really bad on 2 levels. I never wanted the anxiety to cause problems for the two of us, in the end I felt like I was battling my anxiety and her. It was very tough.
So we had problems for a while. Things were rocky, but in the end things did die down quite a lot and we were very happy. Both of us were affected by the bad things at the start of out relationship tho. But things were so good a few months back, I was contemplating putting a success story on the site. We were going on days out together, even packed places, it didnt matter so much anymore. I could have gotten up to something every day!
One thing I have yet to do, meet her dad. I feel bad about that, I chickened out a few times and it fueled the fire that there was actually something to be wary of. I know its all nonsense but it provoked a serious fight or flight reaction from me on a few occasions. How lame.
Well, so things were real good. Then all of a sudden a few months ago, I became very stressed. My family found out that my younger sister had stage 4 non hodgkins lymphoma. Her doctor had mis-diagnosed her for 8 straight months with depression and self harming (scratching) Things became so stressed at home. I had to do so many things I hated. Shaving my sisters head when she was losing her hair. Taking her to find a wig. Seeing her cry. Everyone at home was leaning on me for support and I had to play the strong one.
I took some advice to just get on with things, and I tried. But I was so busy now. i had to continue working. Now taking my sister to hospital 2-3 times a week. I never really stopped to accept what was going on with my sister, I just tried to get on with things. I dont think that was a good idea looking back. I became very stressed, outwardly - I was feeling down. My girlfriend tried to cheer me up, when it didnt work it caused a lot of problems between us. She tried to dig dirt up on me online and falsely accused me on some things. Thought I was lying about going to work and thought I was avoiding her. If I was quiet I got asked is it this, that, x,y or z. I felt so much pressure that my anxiety was starting to come back on.
I started smoking again temporarily. Id quit for about a year. I have quit again now, but that speaks volumes that things were getting to me. I started to become very stressed at work. In the end my girlfriend was having a go at me to get some time off so I could relax. I finally did and I decided that I would spend it at home, and now she wants to finish things with me because of that. It is like she cannot realize the pressure I am under, having anxiety problems, this going on with my sister and also having pressure with her.
It is all to much.
Is it really possible to be in a relationship with somebody if you have anxiety problems? I wanted to turn to my girlfriend for support, but when she saw my change of mood, when I started feeling down - she just started problems with me. It made me cautious of using her for support.
I get such conflicting advice from her. She tells me I am doing really well, I am coping amazingly well. Then she will have a go at me because I have not had time off to relax. Then she'll accuse me of being selfish saying it is all about my sister, not me. And then she'll say the world does not revolve around my sister. She tells me I am wallowing. When infact, it is her giving me extra problems that has accounted for maybe even half of my stress. I just wanted somebody I could turn to :(
I dont know what to make of the advice I get from her. I know she is frustrated because I have been feeling down, but I have not been taking it out on her. I might be draining to be around at the moment, but if she loved me, surely she would hold out and support me. The worst I have done is talk to her about how I am feeling, and Ive been a little quiet on the odd occasion.
The stress of everything has got to me tho. I feel tired all of the time. Anxious at work now, anxious at home. My brain wont turn off. Im hoping this week at home will help me to recoup some.
Advice please. How do you find being in a relationship having anxiety problems? I dont want mine to ruin my relationship, I just want her to understand. And she should, because she has had problems in the past herself.. I dont know.
Thanks for reading.