Mind Chatter & Self Check Up

[MarlaJ]

I am wondering if anyone out there is in the same place I am. I find that I am constantly placing myself in a state of anxiety, because I am constantly checking to see if that is where I am! I was doing quite well for many months after my last bad round. Still not quite sure how I got to this state so quickly, it kind of snuck up on me. I am currently also starting another round with Cipralex, and this time it has really hit me in a bad way. First 2 days I was so sick to my stomache that I spent the days in bed, and it turned up the anxiety ten fold. I found that I was waking up in an attack, which is new for me, as usually I find it difficult in the evenings. I was cut back to 5 mg a day. Nausea a little better, but not anxiety.

Now I find that the first thing on my mind when I wake is Am I Panicky? Am I feeling better? Am I WORSE? Am I ever going to get over this?

I am pretty sure that I am now making things worse for myself, but I just can't seem to get a this song out of my head.

[expecto patronum]

Hi Marla. I feel a lot like this at the moment. I feel like I'm monitoring my thoughts so closely that I can go into a downward spiral when I notice that I'm not 'coping' well with the anxiety.

I am wondering if anyone out there is in the same place I am. I find that I am constantly placing myself in a state of anxiety, because I am constantly checking to see if that is where I am!
Its hard to see how we can get out of a habit of constant self-checking, isn't it, because we are can't imagine being able to forget about ourself or our illness. I don't know if u've read Claire Weekes but she says some helpful things about this in 'Essential Help for your Nerves'; she says that you don't need to worry (easy said than done admittedly) about forgetting about it, that Not Mattering has to come first, and that you should allow yourself to think about yourself and your illness 'as often as habit dictates' but try not to attempt to force the thoughts away, accept them as just thoughts repeating on a tired mind. She also says that 'a binding awareness of self' is part and parcel of nervous ilness.

[MarlaJ]

"Blinding awareness of self" Wow, I don't think I have ever heard of anything that fits better than this......... Thank you so much, sometimes it is really just the thing to hear that it is ok to just BE where you are. I sure don't want to stay here though:)