terrible anxiety before travelling - and i'm supposed to travel in two days!

[yvon magrait]

hello,
my name is yvon, im 33 years old and since i was 18 i suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, phobia.
with ups and downs, i've managed to finish university, to have nice, exciting job today, but i deal with constant stress, fear, i cant sustain a relationship, i barely go out with friends and last year was a huge nightmare because somehow, with some big professional achievements came terrible personal feeling of dissappointment, depression, suicidal thoughts even.
i just cant live life like this. im on therapy for 3 years now, i've tackled many issues, im on klonopin, 0.5mg daily, but it seems to me i cant move on.
i cat live on my own, i cant travel... i feel so isolated, so different and sooo tired of living this way.
the main reason im writing here today is that i suppose to travel in two days to england, its a 3-hours flight from where i am and im terrified. i have constant nausea for weeks now, anxiety over the roof, terrible dark scenarios about what might happen to me once i maybe come to england (nausea, vomiting, fainting, going crazy, heart attack... everything you can imagine), im terrified i might get so bad i wont be able to return home, i might go crazy in the plane... sometimes i feel like i cant swallow because my throat is tightened...
it would meant a WORLD to me to know there is someone i can talk to while im there. im suppose to be there only for seven days but from my perspective it seems like whole lifetime. im afraid ill die, go crazy, go so sick i cant get out of bed... im really scared.
on the other hand, i know i must travel, because i cant live like this and i must somehow start dealing with this problem. it might ruin my personal life, my career, my mind...
any kind of advice, help, support, kind word would be highly appreciated.
thanks for finding time to read this.
hope we will all be better one day, living normal, fullfilled and calm life.
best to all.

[diane07]

Hi yvon magrait

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi ad welcome to NMP :welcome: Paige x

[kerrie23]

Hi, I have had panic attacks now for 5years, one of those years i would not leave the house things got really bad.
I know what you are talking about the travel thing. Last year I braved it and booked a holiday with my partner. I was so so frightend of being in a foreign place so far away from home. I just kept thinking i was going to end up in hospital having had a heart attack or passing out! I had a long time to work myself up over the travelling and being away from home for the week. like you i was scared that i would be so bad when away i wouldnt be able to fly back!
I went to the doctors and they gave me valum to take with me for the plane and the week incase i needed it. I took 2 tablets for the plane but i didnt need any others whilst out there as like i find in most situations the waiting is the hardest part! Once im doing whatever it is i set out to do although still highley anxious i can get through, I tell myself im going to do this with the panic or with out it!
Is it a buisness trip u are coming over for, will you be with anyone else?

[yvon magrait]

hey, everyone, thanks for warm welcome, means so much to me:)
kerrie, thanks for details, seems like youy know exactly how i feel, thats it.
i have klonopin with me and my therapist told me to double the dose before the trip, but im afraid it will just drug me and made me dizzy and not work anything for that terrible feeling inside me:( not good attitude, i know, but sometimes, when anxiety is too big, i feel like even medications arent working for me.
im suppose to visit relative, so ill be with him and with his friend, but they know about my condition and they get worried and then i get worried even worse, afraid that ill ruin them seven days... so, it supposed to be sort of vacation trip, but i feel like it is some sort of task i have to finish:(
the worst part is that waiting, as you said it, and then 3hours flight which i have to make on my own. have no idea what will i do once anxiety hits me in the plane:(

[kerrie23]

My cousin used to be an air hostess and she told me before i travelled that they are used to seeing people on board the plane who are anxious about flying they are trained to deal with situations, so just remember that when you are flying you are in good hands.
I am better with people when they know about my panic attacks, not all of them are that good at being supportive as they dont know what to do or say, however i will normally tell them that i am fine im not going to pass out on them (although i do feel like i might!) i just need them to be there so i know i am not going to be left on my own and that they are there as a backup if you like.
I know that when you feel like this it is hard to be positive, I have just last week booked another holiday for october to Tenerife and i am already feeling anxious but i will go. I read somewhere that your body does not know where your home is, it is your mind that does that. So i tell myself if i was somewhere where i felt safe i would not be feeling like this so i know it is just my panic attacks, sounds simple but it does help me sometimes:)

[yvon magrait]

dear kerrie, what you're writing is soo helpful, thank you. actually, i thought about it myself - to tell someone on the plane, some of the crew, that i suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, so that they can be there if something goes wrong. i would never make some scene, i suffer inside, think thats most of us do, but its good to know someone is aware of your condition.
also, great thoughts about ''where your home is'', i thought about it aswell few times - im the same person wherever i go, if i feel ''safe'' in my hometown (though i never feel safe, but...), why would i feel different somehere else. sounds logical when i put it that way, but sometimes in my head its not working:(

if only i could cope with this nauseous feeling and all abdomen and lungs tied in a knots:((