Big Day for Me - increasing meds

[Dragonsblonde]

Well last night was the first night alone for me since this last big bout started.

Went out to dinner with a friend and then they came back and hung out at mine until 10pm. It was good actually as he is my best friend, but has never really seen me when I have been in the full grip of anxiety and I know it frightened him a bit last week. Sadly he saw me a few days in on CIT (the big exhaustion not thinking day). We talked it through though and I realised that is scared him as I was scared and a shadow of myself and he just didn't know how to help me, but really wanted to.

Was nice to be able to talk to him about it and explain that just being there for me was enough.

Anyway, slept well last night and no more anxious this morning on my own than usual! lol.

Now just prepping to take the increased dose of 20mg today - won't lie, I am nervous about it. Expecially the chance of increased anxiety a it has been so nice feeling that slowly reduce since starting the tablets.

So - BRING IT ON :yahoo:.............and apologies if in a few hours/days I change that to "oh help me is this normal" if the side effects comes back...:ohmy:

Jo

[steveo1980]

Good luck!!

[Dragonsblonde]

Nearly 5 hours in and no SE's yet LOl LOL

[steveo1980]

Good news - must try to stop looking for them though and focus on the good feelings :-)

[calm]

my doc started me on 20mg straight away....the panic/anxiety has not decreased as yet but i have only been on them since the 9th july this year....hopefully they will reduce things and make things more calmer.
good luck with your increased dose jo xxxxx

[Dragonsblonde]

Have noticed an improvement on the 10mg so am looking forward to even more on the 20mg

Postive thoughts underway Steve - plus some lunchtime meditation

[Faethra]

Hi there Dragon!

Just wanted to drop in and say hello. :3 I was on 10mg for a while as well, and just started 20mg yesterday. I asked my doctor about what to expect for side effects, and she did tell me that likely they will be reduced in comparison to when I started, and possibly not last as long. And so far she's been correct. I have had a slight increase in anxiety, but it's been paired with a feeling of mild tiredness that's enough to keep me from getting too worked up. I've had a bit of lightheaded-ness but I find it rather entertaining. I have that sort of humor, I guess. The big thing I worry about is my heart palpitations... but in time they'll lessen.

My journal is around on this section of the board as well, if you'd like to read it. I'll be checking in on you. :3 We can do this!

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey

Great to hear from you xx So far so good lol, day one on the increase and no SE's yet, but haven't been to bed yet lol

I know it will help as the 10mg were not quite enough and I am lucky enough to have really good people that work for me that know what I am going through so I feel comfortable enough to still work and know I won't freak anyone out.

Have read through your stuff only today actually, but was at work and couldn't really respond to much. We can keep a watchful eye out for each other as we both beat the hell out this anxiety xxxx

[Dragonsblonde]

So then onto Day 2

Slept ok last night, I always wake up at least once, last night was a couple more, but turned over and went back to sleep (really think the meditation before bed is helping with that) Did have those odd "body jolts" when waking and turning - hard to explain what they are unless you have had them. Was a little more trembling getting ready than yesterday, but not too bad. Since I am at work have had my breakfast already, can't have been too bad.

Bit of a heavy head, but have paracetamol to hand and will maintain the eating something healthy every 2 hours to balance the system. Also stomach a little bit mroe upset than the past few days, but again not too bad.

So far so not too bad

xx

[Faethra]

Sounds like you're doing well. :) Those body jolts can be rather annoying, can't they? I've actually gotten them all my life, they've actually lessened with the meds surprisingly. Sounds like you're taking good care of yourself too. :) You're going to be just fine. :D

And to someone who hasn't gotten the jolts or doesn't really know how to describe them... it's like that sensation where you're falling and all of a sudden you hit the bed, but not always a falling sensation... lol You'll wake up to your leg randomly kicking out or something. >: /

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey

Yea not so bad right now. Actually struggling not to eat today lol. Been craving roast lamb for two days - odd to want a roast at 9.30 in the morning!

That is exactly what the jolts feel like thank you, tried to explain to my husband this morning and realised by the blank confused expression I wasn't doing it very well lol

Hope you are doing ok to, sounds like you are on the road to health from your diary xxx

[Dragonsblonde]

Hmmm - here comes the headache and slightly rising heart rate lol

[steveo1980]

No it doesn't, remember, you're making it up and you feel perfectly fine. It'll pass in a moment :-)

[Dragonsblonde]

lol, thanks Steve - the power of positive thought! x

[Dragonsblonde]

So the end of another working week!

I do have that heavy head and aching neck that I remember, with the tensiony pain in the head over the eyes. I don't mind it though - just shows the meds are working their way in which is a good thing.

Off to the pub for another "pint of sunshine in a glass", or orange juice as lemonade as some of you may know it.

Probably expecting some heightened anxiety over the weekend as that is normal for me at the moment, but have some plans to distract and if the SE's stay like this should do well.

Wishing you all a happy weekend, medicated or not lol

Jo
xxx

[gregcool]

good luck jo im sure you will be fine darling,ill be thinking of you in the next couple of days and hopping all is well..greg

[Dragonsblonde]

Thanks hon support as always means a lot x Jo

[Dragonsblonde]

Start of day 3 on 20mg, slept well last night. Woke this morning with a few hot flushes of a bit of panic, but had breakfast and my tablets and went back to bed for an hour after a bit of morning mediatation

Helps having hubs at home to chat to, so have been a bit distracted this morning - on the whole better so far than last saturday and we are just about to head out and buy some food to take round to a friends for lunch and a catch up.

No major side-effects yet and feeling ok so far

[CitKat]

Hi Jo,

Good to hear you not getting any side effects and feel OK. I've been on 20mg since the start (13 days ago) and the major side effects went after about 9 days, Now I'm just feeling very anxious and still haven't got my appetite back.

I'm taking my son to visit his nan (my mum) today so I'm hoping that will take my mind off this, as I cannot seem to relax.

I hope you have a good day today.
Steve

[Dragonsblonde]

Hi Steve

I think even on the 10mg I didn't really start feeling good times through the days until around 14/15 days. This mornings anxiety wasn't too bad, I woke up and started the slow burn just knowing it was the weekend I think, but having some things to do helped. The anxiety is the last thing to go they say and can take a while.

I have started on Redbush tea, Vitamn B Complex and meditation before bed and once during the day though too, so they should all be helping with the anxiety

Hope your visit went well and you have a great day

Jo

[Dragonsblonde]

So the first weekend on 20mg

Yesterday was quite good all in all. Was busy and occupied and had a good day with my husband.

Today has started ok, had some plans change which didn't have too much of an impact, but am currently feeling a bit anxious again. Think is was because I looked ahead in my diary and there are some blocks of time where hubs is on shift or away and I can't quite get my head around being ok enough to not freak out about that.

He starts nights this week for 7 days and I guess that has risen the levels a little, even though I have done a couple of them already and been ok. Not really enjoyed them, but been ok.

Just want to feel that I will enjoy having that alone down time again without always feeling anxious about it or during it. I do have more positive feelings these days, but guess I still have a way to go yet

Jo

[steveo1980]

Hi Jo

Sounds like you are doing well. The increase in cit is probably making you a little more anxious. You've done the night shifts before okay so you will do them well again and it will get easier each time I'm sure.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey Steve

Thanks for the reminder about the anxiety increase, the up in meds has gone so smoothly I actually forgot that it was possible. Will take it day by day

Have a great sunday

[Dragonsblonde]

Ok, so update for today.

Saw my GP tonight and she is happy with my progress so far. We have agreed to continue the 20mg and will see her again in 3 weeks time for an update. Had a nice chat today with her and she is very supportive, agrees that we will work together in thism but that I should at least be prepared to go 6 months after I start to feel well in order to give the tablets the chance to work. Also agrees with my plan about counselling etc. Feel very comfortable with her and like the fact that she is realistic about the tablets needing time to work rather than some who think a week is enough

Counselling again today and again enjoyed that. He is very pleased with how I am going and the already showing changes in the way I am approaching this. More acceptance and working with my anxiety rather than against it where I can. One more session next week in the same way and then meeting a colleague of his to look into coping and management techniques to help me along too. Will wait and see how that goes.

Tonight is the first of a stretch of night shifts for my husband so feeling a little nervous about that. More practise needed lol. May hit the chatroom later xx

[Faethra]

Sounds like you still have a good plan. This is probably going to be the hardest part of it, and then after that it'll be all smooth sailing. :3 I'd like to see a counselor myself, but they're so expensive here...

When your hubby is gone to work during the nights, remember that you always have us on the forums and in the chat if you're feeling down, and the phone if you're in a dire emergency. But remember just to take it one day at a time - one moment at a time if you must. You'll get through just fine, I'm sure. :)

I'll be thinking about you. I'll be going through similar stretches for the next week or so... Work is really laying the hours on me. I suppose all the older company members are taking their vacations around this time.

[Dragonsblonde]

Hey

I am quite lucky as where I work has a counselling department which will offer 6 sessions at least quite quickly at no cost so I had good access to it.

Have done two nights so far, first at home alone and second I went round to my sisters for a couple of hours. Sleeping is a bit disturbed, but can be anyway when he is away and I have increased to 20mg last friday.

Actually took my first "proper" 20mg this morning rather than 2 of the old 10mg. Different manufacturer and feeling a bit shakey today for the first time, although have some uncertainty at the moment too because hubs is away for a weekend soon (well thursday to sunday) and I had got my neice coming to stay, but she may have to cancel. The thought of that long without my car and nothing to do has freaked me out a bit I think.

Glad to hear you are fighting on though and all my best thoughts go with you

[Dragonsblonde]

Well then - a couple of days since I last posted. Thought I would just wait and see how the effects of the increase went without trying to think about them too much.

So far so good, have had one shaky day on them - although other things were going on at the same time, but in general not bad. Am doing ok with Hubs on nights this week too. Half the time have had company and half have just been catching up on books and tv at home. No panics or anxiety to speak of and the mornings on my own have been ok to so far. Feels like I may be getting there now a little 4 weeks in.

Am a bit tired today, but has been a busy week at work so perfectly normal to feel like that. Will see what the weekend brings, but am planning some shopping tomorrow and a visit to my sister on Sunday whilst hubs sleeps and then he is off for a week and will be good to have him back to spend some time with

Hope all are well