Here I am again... HELP!!

[Dusty]

Here I am again.

Can't sleep. Not a problem until anxiety kicks in. Al, my hubby, is in Ipswich on business and I'm in South Wales four hours away. Started panicking and had a full blown anxiety attack - started to cry buckets. rang Al and woke him up. After 10 mins or so I began to calm down.

I've made a warm drink, knocked back a couple of diazepam and sought refuge in my haven here.

Feeling a bit better but am VERY frustrated. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was returning to normal. It has been ages since I panicked about not sleeping. What is happening to me? Why is this happening?

I was feeling VERY alone. Talking to Al has made me feel a lot better but doesn't take away the fact I am getting anxious over things I haven't been this anxious about in a very long time.

Not quite at stage of wanting get to myself hospitalised but I want to make sure I don't go that way again.

Dusty xx

PMT - Proof that God must be a man.

[Dusty]

Well, I got through the night. I reckon the pills must have knocked me out. And this morning feeling -well- numb.

At least I feel up to going to work which will keep me nicely distracted.

But the BIG question is:

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
WHY AM I GETTING WORSE AGAIN?

It is so unfair!!

Dusty xx

PMT - Proof that God must be a man.

[tara]

Hi Dusty, sorry you've had a bad night, i remember the night being the worst time, it's like "i should be sleeping now" then get all wound up about not being able to sleep, thus making things worse. It's nice you had your husband to speak to and reasure you. New day today, hope things are looking better for you. Tara

[Dusty]

Hi

I know my problems are miniscule compared to a lot of you, but I had let you know what's happening since my breakdown two nights ago.

I managed work OK and the course I was worried about in the afternoon only laste 30 minutes instead of 3 hours I was threatened with. So I even managed to get a cup of tea and a read of the papers in a local coffee shop before picking up the kids.

Went to GP today. I was hoping I would start coming off my dothepin but on reflection (taken more tranquilisers in last two days than I have in last 4 months) we both agreed I should remain on the dothepin for the time being.

Talking it throught with both her and Al I've realised I was expecting too much from the Anxiety course. I was probable expecting an answer to my problems, but instead it have a load more questions. By covering the causes of anxiety and panic I was forced to reexamine why I am the way I am and it has left me even less confident that I can cope.

I knew it before, but I am the cause of my own anxiety and I am the cure too. But that is far, far easier to type than it is to carry out. My OT gave me all the necessary info I should need to improve but it seems such an enormous task right now.

I don't know if there is anything you can add to this, but as I'm getting to know you all I felt I wanted to be honest with where I am right now.

Thanks for your patience.

Dusty xx

PMT - Proof that God must be a man.

[kate]

Hi Dusty,

Never think that your problems are miniscule compared to everyone else. The problems affecting YOU are just as enormous to yourself and just as important.

Getting your anxiety on a more even keel is a long, long, LONG road. One day you will start to feel that things are improving, the next you will be wondering whether you will ever feel any better.

It is certainly easy to know that we are the cause of our own anxiety and also that the cure lies within ourselves. As you say though very hard to carry out.

Also, don't be in too much of a rush to stop your medication. There is no failure in being on med's, I've been on a fair few over the years! Just take each day as it comes and reduce/stop medication when the time is definately right for YOU.

Hope you are feeling a little calmer today.

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

[katieb]

Hi Dusty
Just thought I'd reply, and say it could have been me to that wrote your message a couple of days ago. I suffer badly with anxiety over not sleeping, and have been suffering with insomnia for many years now. I go through good periods and bad, and I just try to keep thinking when I have a really bad patch that I will get through it again, as I have before. I tend to take herbal remedies and found Kalms sleep really helped me out last night, its very sedating. I am on the waiting list for an anxiety management course at the moment and hope this will help me get to the root of what's causing my anxiety. I find exercise really helps me, even when I don't sleep I just try and get on with whatever I have planned the next day and try not to let it take over. Easier said then done!! I hope you are feeling ok today and to let you know you're not alone!!!!;)

[Meg]

Dusty,

It is normal to have ups and down when recovering.

Changing your thoughts are crucial, thinking scared will lead to being scared.

Distraction is the quickest way to try to push some of the symptoms away for the moment, which is why talking to Al helped you and comforted you.

You can learn to do this for yourself in time.

Anxiety courses are great but then you^re right it takes much more effort to put it all into practice. Take it one step at a time.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?