Avoiding having friends

[paulaf]

I am 29, married and manage ok in social situations, although I find them quite waring. The thing is that there are people that I am friendly with from work, or past work colleagues that I could be friends with outside, but whenever anyone asks me to go anywhere, I say no because a) I get anxious about having to go out somewhere, feeling trapped and having panic attacks or b) I feel like it is exhausting keeping up appearances and making conversation. I know this isn't normal and I don't really have any friends but I realise now this has been my choice. Does anyone else relate?

[Thefear7]

Yeah, luckily i have friends from the old days (school) and whenever they ask me to go somewhere (like the city) i just say "no sorry mate maybe another day". Eventually they just thought i was abit lazy so i just go to their house (close to mine) and they come visit me.

Paula, i think you should invite your friends somewhere you are comfortable with, like your house or local pub.

[DWCarenza]

Yes. Totally. For one reason or another, and different at different times, I've had the same problem. I basically have no social network of friends now - I have no-one to go out with.

The exhaustion bit - is it because the conversations don't really draw you in? Alack of interest in chit chat? A lot of people like that. I suppose if you have the perception that good = going out with friends, then not having that could be seen as 'less' and might feel bad. Or maybe it's because realising that you avaoid it makes you want to confront the situation?

Do it! You set up the situation, be deliberate, go out with purpose - you may never enjoy chit chat, loud music and spilled drinks, but you;ll get control back over that area of your life. I think that there are many steps in this but the first is to be there.

[honkytonk]

Im just the same, the thought of having to make the effort to go out somewhere, and then pretend to appear relaxed, and as if im enjoying myself is just too much, so i just stay at home.
However when im sat at home alone, i get annoyed and anxious because i want to go out and enjoy myself, meet new people and most of all meet a girl as this is something i have never had the courage or confidence to do, But this cannot happen as i ca'nt even manage the simplest of relations without getting in a panic. I thought i was alone untill i visited this site!

[nixi]

you are not alone, hence why I am on here on a Saturday night on my own! It is still hard though, I want to go out but the effort of having to deal with all the anxiety and stresses is just too much so I just dont bother. x