View Full Version : Please help
Hi i'm new here and I could really do with some help/advice/support.
I have always been a very anxious person, I am 25 and have been all my life, I have learnt how to deal with/control it best I can but it still happens, I suppose I just get on with it now, I have never seen a Dr about it before or anything like that.
Recently however, my b/f broke up with me (unrelated reasons, mind my anxiety probably led to nagging e.t.c but that was not why, he was younger than me and suddenly realised he is not ready for commitment e.t.c. in a nutshell). This was on Tuesday but it was really hard going since the weekend before, I have had about 10 hours sleep since Sunday night and since Tuesday I have eaten 2 meals and a little fruit but I can't even think about it. The first couple of days (and nights) I was throwing up all the time, that has subsided now but my tummy is still in knots, that never goes away, my whole body is tingling with my nerves, even my teeth, that never goes away. I have a lump in my throat I can't shake and migraines, sore eyes, difficulty breathing properly, always crying, especially on a night. I'm taking over the counter sleeping pills but they aren't much use. If not for my son and my pets i'd want to go to sleep and never wake up. I keep thinking of killing myself, I don't particularly want to die, I don't want to do that to my son, but I can't control what i'm thinking anymore.
On a normal day to day basis (before this) I get anxious over the stupidest of things, leaving the house, visitors coming, answering the phone (even people I know and love), housework (yes really), and the list goes on. I do get these intrusive thoughts now and then they will flare up when i'm in a bad patch and they then make me even more anxious and panicy.
This is the worst I have been for a long time, even my last break up was not this bad, I have been going through a bad patch anyway recently so this has just been put on top and I am really really struggling to cope, every second feels like an hour, it's absolute torture and I can't keep doing it.
I am seeing the Dr in the morning but I have no idea what to say, I don't want him to think i'm crazy, of course i'm even more anxious about that, hence why I have never been, but this time I have lost all the control I have learnt over the years but i'm going especially as I need to sleep, all my muscles are aching like I have run a marathon and I have barely left the house all week. I'm only glad I work in a school and am off for the summer, hopefully I will be ok to go back in September.
Any help or advise greatly appreciated, especially on seeing the Dr tomorrow.
Many many thanks and sorry it's so long
shinderuko
29-07-10, 23:00
When I finally admitted that I had a problem and went to see the Dr I was so nervous about what to say. In fact I cried on the journey to the surgery.
But once you're in there and you've got someone to open up to who isn't going to judge you everything just seems easier to talk about.
Just remember, you're probably not the first person your Dr has seen with anxiety issues and I doubt you'll be the last.
The Dr's there to help so I'm sure it'll be ok.
Good luck :bighug1: x
Aww ... I feel so sorry for you. My thoughts are if you go to the GP asking for sleeping tablets you are unlikely to get them. You need to explain whats going on I know thats hard when you get to his office it will all come out wrong. Trust me I tried it. Maybe... you should print out what you wrote on here and just hand it to him. Let him read it just as it is. Also if he knows you have joined this website he may realise that you are serious about trying to find a way to get better.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel better soon honey.
Take care of you
Deb x
Thank you for your help, I will write down (no printer ink!) all of this and take it in the morning because I know I will get in such a muddle when I am there and not know what to say and probably end up just crying all over the everyone and making a right fool of myself. I have no choice either than to take my son as I rang for an urgent appt today I can't get anyone to mind him at such short notice. He is 7 so I will have a word with the receptionist and see if he can just sit in the children's corner, he does not need to be hearing all of that, but that is increasing my worry and everything, what if someone snatches him while i'm in there e.t.c. I can see this being another very long night.
Is it not probable that I will get something to help me sleep do you think? I really really hope that's not true, I need to sleep, i'm so tired i'm like a walking zombie but I just can't sleep. I just lie in bed and think of a million things and not sleeping. I can't even remember what day of the week it is, today has been particularly bad, the last few nights I have had about 2 hours, falling asleep around 4am and waking around 6am. A couple nights I have not slept at all, best night sleep I had was Monday and I got about 5 hours because I was with my bf and I *thought* we had made up so was a little more settled and especially with not being alone (although obviously not as he broke up with me the next night).
If you just ask for sleeping tablets you may not get them... But I think you will get some if you explain everything. The doc will understand the reasons as to why you arent sleeping and may be able to help you. I hope he does, you need a good nights sleep honey.
Good luck in the morning.
Deb x
Going home
30-07-10, 01:09
The thing you have to accept is that some of these feelings are quite normal after a relationship ends, so don't treat your feelings as if you are mentally ill. Breaking up with someone is really hard on our systems...it sucks, its horrible and its a feeling that sometimes takes us to the brink and there is nobody, no therapist or doctor or even any of us that can make you feel better about it. The only thing that heals it is time...an old saying but a true one, and if you've been through a breakup before you'll know it is so. This breakup only happened this week so just give yourself time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel (the not wanting to live is to be kicked into touch...absolutely NO man is worth that no matter how fab you think they are ok?)
You sound like a sensible person and a good mum. You hurt right now but believe me you did this for all the right reasons and you will recover.
Best regards
Anna xxx
Thanks everyone
I came back from the Dr with nothing, I didn't ask for sleeping tablets or anything. I wrote down what I put here and some more and he basically told me to go and see my mum and get a cuddle and get over it, like I was about 12 years old. I feel 100x worse than I did before and I wish I never went, this is why I have never been to the Dr about my anxiety in all this years and it seems I was right. he said if you have learned to cope before you will learn again.
I don't want to sound all amateur dramatics, I know i'm just new here but I really don't know how long I can keep doing this. I have had break ups before and it's been horrid but I have never been this bad before and i'm frightening myself and all my normal anxiety is magnified, i'm even considering drink or drugs to help me sleep and I don't want to do that but I need to sleep otherwise i'm going to completely loose it, I think I am already on that path if i'm honest and I don't know how to turn around.
Hi there
Something that works for me is distracting myself by doing things - but I realise that it can sometimes be difficult to do this if you anxiety levels are really high.
Exercise works well if you can cope with it, as our bodies produce substances called endorphins when we exercise, and these block out pain and make us feel good. Otherwise, try and do things that will distract your mind, like playing games and doing puzzles (I play card games on the computer or do sudoku!). The trick is to break the circles of thought, as when you can do that, you'll start to pull yourself out of it, even if it's only for an hour at a time.
shinderuko
30-07-10, 14:19
Kalms tablets help me sleep on the worst nights. I'm not sure if they're meant to but they do lol. You can buy them in Boots or wherever.
I also use Lavender Temple Balm from Lush each night. That usually helps me get a full 6 or 7 hours.
It's a shame your Dr wasn't any help.
I hope you find something to help you sleep soon. It's easier to tackle the anxiety after a good nights sleep.
:bighug1:
Hey, that doc sounds useless, either that or did not realise how ill you are. I would urge you to see a different GP and be completely honest about how low you are feeling - that is the only they can help, if you put on a brave face or hold anything back they won't know how you are feeling. I felt that low a few weeks ago and didn't think things would get any better, but I promise they will. A break up is so stressful for anyone and if you have anxiety it is 1 million times worse but you have a son who loves you and you will get better. Take care xxxx
Thanks everyone, the Dr I saw wasn't my regular GP, he has a waiting list of (usually) around 2 weeks and as I wanted to be seen sooner I had to take anyone really. I know my own GP would have been more understanding so I may make an appt to see him when I can but it took me so much to go today just to be shot down it's really not been of any help at all and I would have been better off not going. I thought he would have understood it took a lot for me to admit those things, but obviously not.
Please dont be disheartened by a bad GP. I had a similar experience with a therapist who told me she couldnt help me. It sent me down a really bad path and I ended up worse just because of her. Since then Ive been referred and now see a really lovely therapist who actually understands and doesnt judge me!
Ring up your doctors surgery and explain how you feel and ask to get an appointment with your GP soon. They usually have emergancy appointments, and mental health does qualify!
Cuddles? That is the magic cure all for the hell that is anxiety? I am sure that everyone on this site will be thrilled to learn there is a new cure available, and one with out nasty side effects!!! Hope your doc gets suddenly struck with panic and anxiety.....(secretly wish all docs would, then they would TRULY understand) I agree, taking someone with you who is stronger than you right now is a great idea. I have often been ready to do this myself. I think that it is hard enough for someone to admit to a professional that they Need help - to feel patronized and brushed off must be devastating. My heart goes out to you!
Silly little thing that I do when I can't shut my brain off to sleep: Try to find as many cities in the world that start with the same letter. Start with A, B etc. Try to keep count in your head. When your mind wanders off to nasty thoughts, start again. Boring as all hell, but that's the point. Safe, neutral, boring. Really helps to fall asleep without dwelling on things that eat at you.
Good luck and take care!
Marla
Thanks guys, i'm still plodding on but nothing feels any better, I took a double dose of over the counter type herbal crap sleeping tablets and I don't know if it was that, the psychology of it or complete exhaustion but I got a good 6 hours sleep, I don't feel any better or worse for it mind but it's surely got to be a good thing.
Marla exactly, I wanted to strangle the Dr, I know I still need help but I don't want to go through that again, I thought my own GP would be better but what if he isn't? What if he says the same, what if they all do? What if I always have to struggle like this, it's never going to go away anyway but every time something bad happens it's really a fine line between wondering if death could be any more painful than this, it's hell to live like this and no one gets it.
Thanks guys, i'm still plodding on but nothing feels any better, I took a double dose of over the counter type herbal crap sleeping tablets and I don't know if it was that, the psychology of it or complete exhaustion but I got a good 6 hours sleep, I don't feel any better or worse for it mind but it's surely got to be a good thing.
Marla exactly, I wanted to strangle the Dr, I know I still need help but I don't want to go through that again, I thought my own GP would be better but what if he isn't? What if he says the same, what if they all do? What if I always have to struggle like this, it's never going to go away anyway but every time something bad happens it's really a fine line between wondering if death could be any more painful than this, it's hell to live like this and no one gets it.
But what if your doctor doesn't reject you and send you away? What if he helps? I struggles for years not wanting to talk to my doctor. I felt very silly, was afraid he would think I was nuts, or a being a baby. I didn't realize how many people there are who are just like me. I wasn't his first anxiety patient, probably not his last. You have nothing to lose at this point.
you said "it's hell to live like this and no one gets it" You're wrong - we all GET IT:D
I didn't realize how isolated I have felt over the years, until I found this site. It was a huge relief to see just how many people out there completely understand how it is to live with this struggle. The best news is that this is not without hope. Everyone can and does get better.
Keep at it with the sleep. One night isn't going to do the trick, but you will find that it sure does help. Take care,
Marla
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