Hey

[K>T]

Hey guys I'm a new member
very scared, so please make me feel welcome :S

I'm in a high state of anxiety and depression AGAIN.

I'm so so so scared and they are putting me on citalopram again starting it tonight dont know what to expect because I was only 14 when I was on them before and was on them till 16ish.
Im now 20 achieved so many things between never thought id be so happy had some amazing friends helping through it one was like my sister she showd me life wasn't so bad now with out them everything seems even harder, only thing she didnt teach me was how to live with out her :(
now getting flash backs of when I was younger horrible horrible thoughts, self doubt horrible physical strange feelings and as soon as I think I get my anxitey down the smallest of things, be it some1 shouts says some or a horrible thought n worry set it right back up and im so so scared that its going to go so uncontrollable high with out me even realising it and scared that i might have an attack I used to have so many once 1 counted 50 in 1 day I was only young and had people pulling me about and making fun of me while collapsed on the floor haveing the worse thing in my life so powerful from all angles effecting everything in my body having sensations like I was on the biggest roller coaster and many many more fellings at the same time but also having ex stream fear of having the such powerful sensations but also feeling that i cant cope with life, thinking this is so horrible why dose it keep happening, it must be somthing more the just anxiety that people keep brushing me under the carpet,...worrying what people are thinking like what a weido,,, and i have had people say that to me an worse things then worrying what people are going to do and say because during being in hospital unit i was badly abused getting pulled about bruised which made me feel even more unsafe and scared like I couldnt trust anyone and felt like no one believed me and trapped like I didnt have anywhere to go like every1 was out to get me and hurt me n mess my head up more. telling me if I didnt SNAP out of it then my mum and dad will put me up for adoption, which ovi made me scared of my perents, but even they didnt quite understand, shouting at me and sometimes hitting me in frustration that they felt helpless and taking there upset out on me, i understood that it was because they loved me and didnt like seeing me like that but sometimes i liked it when they hit me because i hated myself so much and was so frustrated and wanted it to all go away. if I could just *snap* out of it or stop it dont you think i would!!! you and I know it isnt that easy!! and everytime i'll try and seek for help no 1 seemd to help just make it worse for me. so traps.

anyways just a touch on how bad things got. and as you can imagine im very scared becoz it all seems to be flooding bad and without the suport system i feel helpless.

please wish me luck :(

love to all. we are all in the same boat so lets sail to a better place TOGETHER!

take care xxx

[Baggs]

I hope that this site helps you as much as it's helped me. All the best. Baggs.

[sb001f8994]

Hi k>t,
I started with depression and agoraphobia at age 16 and it was the most horrible time as none of my friends either wanted or tried to understand and I felt very alone and like an outcast. I no longer fitted in and as I stayed in more and more the less friends I had. I did have one 'sort of' friend, whose mum made her come and sit with me and keep me occupied. In away this girls honesty and sheer hate for having to sit with me jeered me on. I was on medication and also saw a phsychiatrist and with a lot of determination was on the road to recovery very soon. Like you I was great for many years, lived well, got married, had a child, got divorced! Then met my hubby, who hasnt got a clue how to understand me but somehow we got round my problems and 27 years later and two more kids we manage. Im still not good at getting out and the depression is all but gone away. I still get panicks and the palps have learnt to live with me! But as Ive got older Ive managed things better, you have to learn to control the panic and not let it control you. You have beaten this once before and will do again.
Finding this site a year ago was the best thing Ive done, it has helped me so much. I have made some lovely friends and everyone is eager to help and offer support at just the right time. Ive gained confidence and Ive gone from being afraid of my garden to going to my local supermarket and even a visit to the pub! The chat room is very good too and as well as having a giggle we are all in the same boat and the help is plentiful.
Once you get back on your medication and it starts to kick in you will be feeling better. We are all here for the same thing, to wage war on anxiety and beat it into submission!!!
Take care and welcome!