Deb284
01-08-10, 12:29
13yrs ago just after I had my youngest son I cracked up. Panic attacks, total fear of dying 24/7. OCD(the clean freak type). After about a year I finally went to ask for help. I was referred to a psychiatrict unit to which I attended daily for 6 months. Was put on Setraline and stayed on them for 4 years. I learnt so much from the therapy. For the last 8 years I have been semi ok. Everyday think about dying but it hasnt taken over my life. Until recently.
It's like its coming back. And I really don't know what to do.
Starts around 3pm ish and continues til I wake up the next morning. I'm cleaning everything and am terrified of everything.
On April 26th my 14 yr old son and I witnessed a brutal murder outside our house. It was 9pm. 3 men, 1 murderer , 1 was just there, 1 is dead. My call to the police was 11 minutes long, thats how long we watched from the upstairs window. I wanted to go out there but my son was so scared. When the guy with the knife went back to his house across the road. I ran down and tried to desperately hard to save that man. I was covered in his blood. (Now I find out that he was a drug addict/drunk) (what if he was HIV?)
I wish I could tell you more but I cant. 2 men were charged with murder. My son and I were THE ONLY witnesses and will have to go to the 'Old Bailey Court' in london in about 6 weeks time for the trial.
I am so disappointed with myself that I am feeling the way I am. I am looking at a box of fluoxetine 20mg wondering wether or not to start taking them. Do youthink it will help? I dont want to go see my GP as I feel like I was doing so well and now I feel like the last few years relatively panic free was all crap. It just never goes does it? And anyway how can I crack up when my son is dealing with all this so well.
I frightened to go out in case anyone finds out that we are the only witnesses. I am at the point where I want to say to the police forget it. I dont want to give evidence but the decent person in me knows that without my statement this man will walk and he will kill someone else.
The police say that beacuse of the type of people that they are (Drunks/Druggies) we are not at risk enough to be on the witness protection scheme. We have seen victim support but if she says 'it's early days' one more time I think I will 'flip'.
Sorry for rambling on.. what would you do? I dont want this panic to get hold of me again, shall I take the fluoxitine?
I have been taking 'quiet life' some herbal thing for the last few days. But all that seems to have happened is the dreams get worse. Should I continue with them?
I just don't know what to do.
Deb x :unsure:
It's like its coming back. And I really don't know what to do.
Starts around 3pm ish and continues til I wake up the next morning. I'm cleaning everything and am terrified of everything.
On April 26th my 14 yr old son and I witnessed a brutal murder outside our house. It was 9pm. 3 men, 1 murderer , 1 was just there, 1 is dead. My call to the police was 11 minutes long, thats how long we watched from the upstairs window. I wanted to go out there but my son was so scared. When the guy with the knife went back to his house across the road. I ran down and tried to desperately hard to save that man. I was covered in his blood. (Now I find out that he was a drug addict/drunk) (what if he was HIV?)
I wish I could tell you more but I cant. 2 men were charged with murder. My son and I were THE ONLY witnesses and will have to go to the 'Old Bailey Court' in london in about 6 weeks time for the trial.
I am so disappointed with myself that I am feeling the way I am. I am looking at a box of fluoxetine 20mg wondering wether or not to start taking them. Do youthink it will help? I dont want to go see my GP as I feel like I was doing so well and now I feel like the last few years relatively panic free was all crap. It just never goes does it? And anyway how can I crack up when my son is dealing with all this so well.
I frightened to go out in case anyone finds out that we are the only witnesses. I am at the point where I want to say to the police forget it. I dont want to give evidence but the decent person in me knows that without my statement this man will walk and he will kill someone else.
The police say that beacuse of the type of people that they are (Drunks/Druggies) we are not at risk enough to be on the witness protection scheme. We have seen victim support but if she says 'it's early days' one more time I think I will 'flip'.
Sorry for rambling on.. what would you do? I dont want this panic to get hold of me again, shall I take the fluoxitine?
I have been taking 'quiet life' some herbal thing for the last few days. But all that seems to have happened is the dreams get worse. Should I continue with them?
I just don't know what to do.
Deb x :unsure: