Mr Panic
01-08-10, 18:10
Hi all,
Just thought i'd post a message to introduce myself. I'm 34, male, and have been diagnosed with mild depression by my doctor. Mild.... Doesn't feel mild to me.
I have always been an anxious person - I can't really sit down for more than about 20 minutes at the best of times, and used to drive my poor mother nuts!
I had my first panic attack during my mock Maths A level, and had no idea what was happening except that I was about to pass out unless I got up and left. I didn't deal with it particularly well, but was lucky enough to get a place at Uni even with poor A level results. I managed to bimble through university, saw a couple of counsellors along the way (smoking too much pot and trying to deal with being gay), and learnt to kerb the panic attacks a bit through breathing exercises.
Now I've just had to take a permanent job that I don't particularly enjoy (I am telling myself that I don't like it at the moment, because my aim is to change the way I am looking at it) after being a contractor for 6 years. The job market is in such a state that I feel like I've been forced to take this position due to having a hefty mortgage. It has brought on all sorts of horrible feelings again, like waking up with the feeling that you've left the gas on all night/gone on holiday and left the front door open etc. The stomach dropping feeling of panic, which I am unable to control using my breathing techniques have got much worse recently, and so I've been put on citalopram by my doctor. I've been taking them for 4 weeks now, but I don't feel much if any better.
I'm not exactly sure why I am feeling like this, but it has definitely started since taking this job. I've a slight feeling that it is due to things like, responsibility, deliverables, objectives, office politics etc since as a contractor, you are there to do a job, and not much more is expected of you.
Its got so bad recently that I've noticed that I don't want to get out of bed, even on the weekends. My motivation to do anything has gone through the floor, and it has got to the point of avoiding things like letters and bills etc for fear that something is going to spin me out again. On good days, I do manage to sort out the most important things, but on bad days, I spend most of the day just trying to control the feelings of panic. It's not particularly conducive to getting much work done, and being a productive employee which would lead to me feeling better about the job.
I have a partner who is wonderful and very caring, but doesn't really understand panic attacks/depression as it is very hard for someone to empathise that has never had those feelings. We don't live together, but I find myself not really wanting to wake up on my own, so spend nearly every evening at one or other's place.
So hence why I am here - I kind of feel very stuck in a rut and realise that I am not much company when all I can think about is panicking about my job. I am not sure that changing to another job (even If I could) would be any better, since I am sure all the same feelings would follow me unless I can find some strategies to deal/cope with them.
I'm really hoping to be able to find some friends here that can offer any help, and of course, I will offer any I can to anyone else.
I know there are people with much more terrible symptoms, but to me, this is pretty debilitating - I'd really like to get me back again.
Thanks to anyone who'll listen, and for any advice that is offered.
Nick
Just thought i'd post a message to introduce myself. I'm 34, male, and have been diagnosed with mild depression by my doctor. Mild.... Doesn't feel mild to me.
I have always been an anxious person - I can't really sit down for more than about 20 minutes at the best of times, and used to drive my poor mother nuts!
I had my first panic attack during my mock Maths A level, and had no idea what was happening except that I was about to pass out unless I got up and left. I didn't deal with it particularly well, but was lucky enough to get a place at Uni even with poor A level results. I managed to bimble through university, saw a couple of counsellors along the way (smoking too much pot and trying to deal with being gay), and learnt to kerb the panic attacks a bit through breathing exercises.
Now I've just had to take a permanent job that I don't particularly enjoy (I am telling myself that I don't like it at the moment, because my aim is to change the way I am looking at it) after being a contractor for 6 years. The job market is in such a state that I feel like I've been forced to take this position due to having a hefty mortgage. It has brought on all sorts of horrible feelings again, like waking up with the feeling that you've left the gas on all night/gone on holiday and left the front door open etc. The stomach dropping feeling of panic, which I am unable to control using my breathing techniques have got much worse recently, and so I've been put on citalopram by my doctor. I've been taking them for 4 weeks now, but I don't feel much if any better.
I'm not exactly sure why I am feeling like this, but it has definitely started since taking this job. I've a slight feeling that it is due to things like, responsibility, deliverables, objectives, office politics etc since as a contractor, you are there to do a job, and not much more is expected of you.
Its got so bad recently that I've noticed that I don't want to get out of bed, even on the weekends. My motivation to do anything has gone through the floor, and it has got to the point of avoiding things like letters and bills etc for fear that something is going to spin me out again. On good days, I do manage to sort out the most important things, but on bad days, I spend most of the day just trying to control the feelings of panic. It's not particularly conducive to getting much work done, and being a productive employee which would lead to me feeling better about the job.
I have a partner who is wonderful and very caring, but doesn't really understand panic attacks/depression as it is very hard for someone to empathise that has never had those feelings. We don't live together, but I find myself not really wanting to wake up on my own, so spend nearly every evening at one or other's place.
So hence why I am here - I kind of feel very stuck in a rut and realise that I am not much company when all I can think about is panicking about my job. I am not sure that changing to another job (even If I could) would be any better, since I am sure all the same feelings would follow me unless I can find some strategies to deal/cope with them.
I'm really hoping to be able to find some friends here that can offer any help, and of course, I will offer any I can to anyone else.
I know there are people with much more terrible symptoms, but to me, this is pretty debilitating - I'd really like to get me back again.
Thanks to anyone who'll listen, and for any advice that is offered.
Nick