View Full Version : Loss of identity/going mad?
Anybody have these symptoms over a period of anxiety for months?
*Feeling foreign, strange, weird, disconnected from my mind.
*Feeling slow..
*Worry about losing mind, going mad, I get this worrying thought that "I don't know what my mind will think the next second" which some how scares me...
*I get really strange, obscure thoughts my pattern is like a film real from the past at the moment with thoughts of the past cropping up.
*When I think and act how I normally do it seems weird like I'm doing it but it's new to me.
*Feel why am I on this planet?
*Worry about long term damage, this ain't really anxiety? Is it a symptom of depersonalization?
Can you lose your mind, forget who you are? Or is it because there's alot of anxiety build up it distorts it? I read alot of these feelings pass with anxiety and you return to feeling normal? I'm very conscious of my head, when it's not physical symptoms troubling me..anybody get this and know how to cure it? :blush:
a friend on here told me......if we were losing our mind we wouldnt worry about it! how true is this.
phil....what you describe is exactly how i am feeling at the moment...have had a hidious morning and resorted to taking a diazepam.
hopefully we will wake up soon and be ok or nearly ok xxxxx
take care phil, love tracey xxxx
a friend on here told me......if we were losing our mind we wouldnt worry about it! how true is this.
phil....what you describe is exactly how i am feeling at the moment...have had a hidious morning and resorted to taking a diazepam.
hopefully we will wake up soon and be ok or nearly ok xxxxx
take care phil, love tracey xxxx
Thanks. I think alot of complex anxiety symptoms are less as well documented really. I was on Diazepam too for very bad anxiety and it's took me a while to calm and now taking propranalol which helps me a bit.
Hi Phil, I too have had such feelings and know others that have and still have too, for me it just kinda settled down as I began to feel a bit better within myself, so for me the anxiety and anti depression madication was a key factor in me having these unreal and alien sort of feelings, which are as we and many others know are most distressing.
The good news is, and as Tracy pointed out, that the fact that you are aware and concerned would indicate that you are in control and it is a function and manifestation of existing anxiety. I don't know what meds you are on, but they may be contributing to those feelings, best to check with a doctor or counselor that you can talk with and trust.
I hope you are already beginning to feel better and more in control,regards Steph.
i know that doesn't
Hun its anxiety you need to pass off the feelings I know its easier said then done!But retrain yourself and say NO THIS IS JUST MY ANXIETY I AM NOT LOOSING ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF! thats what i had to do when i was in your situation I know its difficult but the longer you dwell on it the worser it gets lots of hugs! x
That sounds quite frightening Phil. But for assurence, I think it is not that you lose your mind, maybe just part of the anxiety illness. Myself I get dellusions about the identities of other people, that they are not what they seem. It seem likely to me also an illness that one can feel seperate to their own identity. I think like most symptom this can have an intervention. Do you get any medical intervention or supports from anyone? Maybe best for to discuss this with them, or else seeing your doctor.
I think the main thing is not to worry too much about it; I find when I get the distressing delusions it is best if I can conceive of it within the illness. To image it has truth or that my mind has gone, making the panic worse, and so vicious cycle. Take care Phil, best of wishes with this.
J xxx
fretty freda
04-08-10, 00:30
err is that coming out of your mouth or mine ???? ive said what you just wrote word for word a million times !!
i relate to you 100%
i havent had those feelings for sometim e but i do have an anxiety disorder and i tell you phill once you dont get scared of it it goes and it will go i am here for you any time
This symptom seems to have picked up pace again..
Along with worse Depersonalization which makes me feel more ill.
At work today I had an "episode" of this..for half an hour I felt a disconnection from reality..I pure very adrenaline, very close to running to the toilet and I pictured myself in a hospital locked up. 7
Been getting lots of head rushes I try and ignore it..like noises really annoy me..when people talk that seems to make me go all funny at times when I'm all adrenaline..I just want to hide..and I feel awful.
Thinking about any life choice makes me alot worse..I feel I can't cope...
but like hours later I am home from work a little more chilled..until it kicks off again..I still feel exhausted and anxious from it.
I feel there's little cure atall for me right now..each attack edges me closer to feeling I can't cope..I have so many daft worries..wonder why am I anxious right now anyway? thoughts like not knowing what I will do next second, scared of my mind? that makes me more worried and nobody has like reassured me I won't just snap next second because I worry incase I do.
I know I need to do more self help I feel I drop in and out, half try things..but everybody is like it's just anxiety but in my head I say help!! that's maybe halting my recovery..I keep seeking reassurance..then the next attack happens.
It's never ending! :doh::weep:..then I get depressing feelings like I can't be bothered with life...losing interest in stuff..everything feels numb. Will I ever recover from this? What do I need to do?
Phil do you get therapy? a good dose of cbt would help
Hi Phil
You have explained everything that I am also going through at the moment. I had this many many years ago and thought I would never get over it but I did, as I gradually lost the fear somehow it just stopped coming. I am suffereing very badly with it at the moment after several months of high stress. I find it difficult to believe it will go again but it did before and I have faith it will again.
You're not alone
Luv Tracy
My depersonalization has picked up the last week again terrified of goin mad. Feel very unreal and strange..worried I Duno who I am anymore can't seem to relax :weep:
Today my worries have been going manic depressed, dying, diabetes, going mad, feeling low, unreal, buzzing feeling in head, headache, veins buzzing at my head, sleepy eyes feel my eyes are not processing everything and a shimmering hazy feeling in my eyes.
A week ago I had it mild i started to worry and as the week has gone on it's just become worse by the day. Derpersonalization either makes me feel on the verge of going crazy or an undiagnosed illness how can I stop thinking this?
Ive read the Claire Weekes books and had counselling but it seems a week after it I'm as bad as ever. Maybe I can't be helped?
Hi Phil,
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I am unsure if I've got some mild bi-polar mood disorder going on as I'm cycling between being fine/normal and these depressed anxiety states. Taken fluxotine for a few years but it's not really had much impact in any shape or form. Going to the GP wendesday to see the next step, might mean seeing a psychiatrist?
Don't know if you can relate at all to my cycle, when I'm feeling fine I'm not on here, banter at work, enjoy tv, games, etc.
Anyway what medication are you taking? Have you seen your GP lately? Getting yourself better is the main priority here though. Your not 'mad' it's just anxiety and depression at play. Like others have said if you were you probably wouldn't be worrying about it and others around you would be the ones spotting it. Jeb.
StarryBlueGal
25-01-11, 01:08
I also have this at the moment. I also have these things from the past coming into my mind, popping into my mind all the time. I feel down lately, it comes in waves. I always have the popping memories all of my life, and I wish they can go away. It can go away, when I feel positive, and happy - they do not bother me. It's just the anxiety and depression that causes the unreal feelings, I am realising it now... slowly learning things from this forum.
Starry xx
Phil,
Think I have replied to you before telling you to spin these feelings into beneficial ones. Depersonalisation can often provide you with a platform to objectively assess what needs/desires you may have and, ultimately, when you feel better, to achieve them.
The fact that you mention that they started off mild and are getting worse makes me think you may be worrying too much about the milder feelings and thus, they are getting worse. Feeling like this is not indicative of another illness, your symptoms fit within the pattern of anxiety, so try not to think too much about that. Instead, try to think about where you go from here. How you can improve your life and your condition based on what you are thinking now.
I know it may seem like things are going backwards and that you are out of control but starrybluegal is right. We all have these feelings, and all get them. But we also get through them, and come out the other side stronger and better prepared for what lies ahead.
Keep on plugging, and remember even when you forget who you are; you do actually KNOW who you are, and that can be a positive thing. Think how the you who isn't depersonalised would react to those situations and act accordingly.
I think feelings of depersonalisation are always some form of retreat. We are backing off from all kinds of contexts and feelings that are emotionally overwhelming, and thus a part of our mind pretends those contexts and feelings are far removed and as such not part of ourselves. This is an avoidance reaction.
Sometimes a reaction like this makes sense, for example in case of a severe trauma, which requires some time and space in order to be taken on. As such depersonalisation is a very human reaction and does even make sense.
However, when it comes to anxiety, this reaction doesn't make sense any more, as it has become maladaptive. Nobody could possibly go through life contentedly and successfully whilst avoiding all kinds of negative emotions (such as anger, for example) and retreat into a bewildering state of depersonalisation. The feelings need to be confronted and processed, in order to leave them behind. And, at least when it comes to anxiety, that's where the heart of the problem lies.
I think it's part of the problem to intensively wallow in all kinds of symptoms and possibilities, and some people are stewing in their own juices to such an extent, they have totally lost touch with reality and stopped realising how irrational and cognitively distorted their thinking has become. A way of thinking, needless to say, that is infinitely obsessive and torturing, and as such considerably worse than all that it is pushing away and trying to avoid. And yes, I'm speaking from experience here.
One think I found helpful in this context was group therapy. It was reassuring, in that I realised I wasn't the only one dealing with my problems in such a destructive way, yet on the other hand, it was grounding to have other people to apply some perspective to my life.
As for going mad, that is just one of those cognitive distortions that is part of the symptom dwelling. In fact it is one big juicy symptom on its own. But remember, it is virtually impossible to drive yourself mad via maladaptive behaviour, no matter how hard you are trying!
And finally, I've recently come across a definition of 'madness' which I believe contains a lot of truth:
"Madness is applying the same strategy over and over again - whilst hoping for a different outcome." :winks:
Ive been feeling this way for months on and off. What worries me us I get a little better and accept it and a week passes with less anxiety and it comes back then I worry after a Depersonalization panic and it gets progressivley worse all week. Like right now I can't sleep feel totally out of touch with reality. I fear maybe eventually you go mad? I find little stresses in life that make it worse.
Last few days I've had dreams confused with normal thoughts. I don't feel 'me' and if I do me is hidden away in this bubble. I do still work and try and go out but when it gets this bad I get agorphobic for weeks I mean I even find iness active staying in. I just sit and worry on the PC all day. It's almost like a breakdown in function or slowness. Automatic worry in going mad or I have some health issue.
One min I can cope then next week I just want to rush to the doctors and ask then what is wrong with me? Usually I last without going and thats it hit it's peak. Feeling separated from myself for days causes me to feel depressed too. So this symptom for me creates panic, agrophobia and depression.
Is there a way forward? :shrug:
Also if you ask me what would make me scared or agrophobic it's the fear of feeling this way when in out. Combination of open spaces and negative thoughts make me feel I'm safer in my bed incase I go mad. When this feeling is strong being on a bus feeling on another planet is scary for me. It's hard to explain but at worst struggle to accept these attacks as normal.
"Is there a way forward?" >phil06Changing the way you think and your attitudes towards the world and the way you are dealing with yourself. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is very helpful in this respect!
Hi Phil,
The way you have written and what you have said on this thread could be me.
I too have agoraphobia. I continue to work but I am constantly fearful, usually that I am going mad & that my life will always be like this. I do go out but avoid situations in which I don't feel safe, or where I fear I will look a fool if I loose it, or if I'm not near help.....like a hospital.
I have only had a handful of full panic attacks, but most days are filled with feelings of depersonalisation.....as if I've left my body and am floating around. I have tingling all over, dizziness, rapid heart beat and pace the floor whilst negative thoughts are running round my head. I know I am not mad but I did go to the GP one day (escorted there by my mum as I thought I was going mad). The GP reassured me I was not mad....I was describing anxiety and gave me a box of Diazepam !!
I have had this on and off for 2 years. I hate the way my life is now....I long to be the person I used to be.
What I pick up from your post that an episode of depersonalisation seems to set you off on a "chain" of panic. Although you have said you have read a book and had CBT it doesn't sound like you are putting these into practice. As others have said, the feelings make us scared but we mustn't give into them....we carry on and bring the fear and thoughts with us. It's only when we do this that the feelings go.
I still have counselling and the counsellor always says to me that much of my problem is that I wish for my old life back and that I want it all to go away. It doesn't just go away and its the way we handle it that beats it into submission.
I wish you all the best :D
Well I got some of the symptoms you described but the worst of them is the feeling of doubt, I got doubt about everything, for ex. If I am OK I doubt if I am so therefore If you doubt something will start to feel the opposite (in this case NOT OK). And that's what's scares me, I can't remember how I felt before this anxiety period so I doubt if I am OK, how will I be able to know for sure that that's the OK/normal me like I used to be!!! :(
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