Ikzai
03-08-10, 17:55
I think some of the anxiety side of things are going down. But very, very slowly. I wouldn't say I feel depressed at all, just anxious, which I suppose in turn makes me feel hopeless, doomed, cursed, etc, and again in turn sad.
It's odd, though. I've never had a huge problem with anxiety. Not until this year. I would get some panic attacks. Started the first time I went on a plane when I was 13 and then, until this year, the only thing that would ever set them off again would be the thought of being way up high, or in a plane.
And then this year, a few months ago, it just all changed. Now I'm asking myself all sorts of questions. What ifs, I guess. Questioning everything I know. Questioning what's real, what's not. Asking myself if I have certain mental conditions, like my uncle who's a schizophrenic.
Things like that just set me off the deep end. Plagued me. I would happily go to sleep for an escape from that torment. And then I'd wake up. Within minutes the questions would be back in my head.
Well I guess this past week has been a little better. I've been waking up happy, smiling, laughing, joking, and so forth. But even still I will still, on a daily basis, have some surge of what if thinking that'll lead me to anxiety. It won't last nearly as long and I will feel better eventually. I guess it's not as hopeless as it once seemed so I'm very happy with that.
I sincerely hope this process of recovery continues. I want to get back to the old me so freaking bad but as where I stand right now, I'm definitely better off.
It's odd, though. I've never had a huge problem with anxiety. Not until this year. I would get some panic attacks. Started the first time I went on a plane when I was 13 and then, until this year, the only thing that would ever set them off again would be the thought of being way up high, or in a plane.
And then this year, a few months ago, it just all changed. Now I'm asking myself all sorts of questions. What ifs, I guess. Questioning everything I know. Questioning what's real, what's not. Asking myself if I have certain mental conditions, like my uncle who's a schizophrenic.
Things like that just set me off the deep end. Plagued me. I would happily go to sleep for an escape from that torment. And then I'd wake up. Within minutes the questions would be back in my head.
Well I guess this past week has been a little better. I've been waking up happy, smiling, laughing, joking, and so forth. But even still I will still, on a daily basis, have some surge of what if thinking that'll lead me to anxiety. It won't last nearly as long and I will feel better eventually. I guess it's not as hopeless as it once seemed so I'm very happy with that.
I sincerely hope this process of recovery continues. I want to get back to the old me so freaking bad but as where I stand right now, I'm definitely better off.