diary of life goals, failings and success

[randomworry]

my goals in life are to return to stable mental health and to be free of health anxieties, i aspire to be well off emotionally, financially and socially and i need a plan to achieve these things.

ive set myself a target of achieving this by my 27th birthday.

ive started using 10mg of citalopram again but have decided to stop because they are giving me headaches!! id rather have the anxiety!!

ive had an interview for a bank role today but found it hard explaining why i have so many gaps in my employment. little do they know its because ive diagnosed myself with deadly illnesses which make me feel dead before my time.............lol

my plan is to ride out the storm through regular exercise the meds will just mask everything and i may be the same at 30 years old,,,,,,,,,,,,,,god i dont want that.

plan of action

take a leap of faith in 1) stopping citalopram, 2) not seeking reassurance 3) going jogging as much as possible 4) getting a check up next year to make sure my health is fine. 6) moving on with life!!

[cattia]

Wow that sounds really positive! Well done you for setting such positive goals. Maybe using some CBT will also help you when the doubts start to creep back in which they do for all of us from time to time.

I think having a plan is a really good idea. I would like to do the same but I have no idea where to start right now as I keep thinking my illness will get in the way of whatever plans I have. Now that's negative thinking for you!

[randomworry]

my thoughts b4 bedtime

omg i hope that i have not damaged my brain by going on and off citalopram all the time........hope this headache does not last forever
logic: dont be stupid the headache is just a side effect of the citalopram it will go away eveentually.

omg i hope i dont have health anxiety forever
logic: dont be stupid you will get checked out by the doctor next year for your fears and you WILL beleive him then everything will be ok.

i also hereby PROMISE myself i will never obsessively check any part of my body again ever!!

sorry guys im just documenting everything so i can look back on it and it will keep me motivated to recover..............its a high mountain to climb from where i am!

[Ella_Jayne]

Love the positivity RW.

Keep the little diary entry posts coming!! :)

[randomworry]

thoughts b4 dinner time:

been feeling a bit rough and down today keep getting headaches and worrying that i have caused this on myself by going on and off medication eg citalopram for years. perhaps ive messed up my brain biochemistry or something!! eeek

hopefully they should get better as i calm down and start relaxing a bit more.

im still on the hunt for a job............think that will take my mind of my problems and help to overcome my anxiety as ive been pretty much isolated for a year!!

i mean ive been seeing friends and family but im in my head all the time i think i need to see something new to take my mind off things.

[cattia]

randomworry, when my anxiety is relly bad I carry a notebook around with me and I write my thoughts on one page and the rational alternatives on the other. I find it reallyhelpful and it is also helpful to look back on and see that I have had the same feelings in the past and been OK.

[randomworry]

thoughts right now:

ive just decided im going to stop all my obsessional behaviour............wish me luck and i will post on here daily about how my moods change so i can monitor the improvement.

[debbsi]

I think thats a really good idea writing it down

When we actually really think about what we are worrying about we realise just how silly our worries are

Deb x