Rob83
05-08-10, 23:55
(Its a little long but a full story makes more sense)
OK I've been visiting this site for a good few months now, finding it at the lowest point I've ever experienced, breaking point as I called it. It has helped me to understand and to start to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks. It persuaded me to go to the doctors and tell him what was going on, it gave me the strength to leave the citalopram sitting unopened in the kitchen (a kind of reminder as to how far I've come).
Just thought it would be nice to tell my little positive story. Hopefully it will help those who are maybe thinking it will never get any better.
So anyway, I have been what I self confess little bit quirky for as long as I can remember, my first memory of this is of going to a friends birthday party and been totally unable to go inside, my Mum had to take the present in and take me home, I think I was 7. I was always running out of places, uncomfortable around people. Anyway fast forward to 4 years ago, I'd just been made redundant and was in a CV improvement meeting. WALLOP, I dont remember much about it, just mad panic, ran out of the building, this was the beginning of the panic attacks, nothing like I've ever known, I could get by with everything I'd experienced but oh boy, this was something else entirely. I remember walking home (I didn't go back) so confused and drained, what on earth just happened? This was just the beginning, the redundancy went through, I was out of work. So these massive panic attacks came thick and fast, I couldn't do anything in public, shopping became a nightmare, the times I left trolleys full of shopping in aisles because I'd bolted out of there.
So fast forward again to six months ago. After 4 years of this, and somehow holding down a very public facing management job (not sure how, suffered most days one way or another), things just got too much, I was at breaking point, things had to get better or I'm sure I was headed to a padded cell. I searched frantically online for what was happening to me, I found out about the term panic attack, and then I found this site. I spent days reading everything on here, decided that I needed to see my GP, he confirmed it was indeed panic attacks and also said I'm suffering from Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, mild OCD, and depression. He prescribed me citalopram and wanted to see me again in three weeks.
I decided I didnt want to treat this with mediction, so I began to study. I studied everything I could get my hands on, read books on CBT and other treatments. I found a very good book by Aine Turbridy called When Panic Attacks, it is amazing, deals with panic attacks from many different angles. The more I read the better I understood what was happening. It came to a point where even during panic attacks I was analysing them at the same time, breaking them down into their components, seeing how they start, progress and end. I would write each one down in a little book I carried with me at all times. Where I was, what I was doing, breaking down everything, even seemingly silly things like how long after I had eaten, when I'd last been to the bathroom (I pick these two because I found a pattern), any details that may hold a key I wrote them down.
I have not had a panic attack for 4 months now. I do still have anxiety but I am learning to manage it, OCD I like, its not affecting my quality of life so why change it, and depression was just a result of reaching that breaking point. I have found that understanding what it is I am dealing with is half the battle, its become more of a familiar friend than a threat to my sanity, so I'm a little bit quirky, its just who I am. I have also found a true fascination with the workings of the mind, so much so I have signed up to do a open learning degree in psychology and continue to read all about anxiety, panic, depression, and other aflictions of the mind. Its my aim to not just help myself but to also help others in dealing with this roller coaster ride. I am now building a life for myself instead of a life around panic & anxiety. I'm even doing my shopping again. I know I have a way to go yet but I just want everyone to know that there is a way forward, a way out of this, I'm on the road to finding mine, you can find yours too.
OK I've been visiting this site for a good few months now, finding it at the lowest point I've ever experienced, breaking point as I called it. It has helped me to understand and to start to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks. It persuaded me to go to the doctors and tell him what was going on, it gave me the strength to leave the citalopram sitting unopened in the kitchen (a kind of reminder as to how far I've come).
Just thought it would be nice to tell my little positive story. Hopefully it will help those who are maybe thinking it will never get any better.
So anyway, I have been what I self confess little bit quirky for as long as I can remember, my first memory of this is of going to a friends birthday party and been totally unable to go inside, my Mum had to take the present in and take me home, I think I was 7. I was always running out of places, uncomfortable around people. Anyway fast forward to 4 years ago, I'd just been made redundant and was in a CV improvement meeting. WALLOP, I dont remember much about it, just mad panic, ran out of the building, this was the beginning of the panic attacks, nothing like I've ever known, I could get by with everything I'd experienced but oh boy, this was something else entirely. I remember walking home (I didn't go back) so confused and drained, what on earth just happened? This was just the beginning, the redundancy went through, I was out of work. So these massive panic attacks came thick and fast, I couldn't do anything in public, shopping became a nightmare, the times I left trolleys full of shopping in aisles because I'd bolted out of there.
So fast forward again to six months ago. After 4 years of this, and somehow holding down a very public facing management job (not sure how, suffered most days one way or another), things just got too much, I was at breaking point, things had to get better or I'm sure I was headed to a padded cell. I searched frantically online for what was happening to me, I found out about the term panic attack, and then I found this site. I spent days reading everything on here, decided that I needed to see my GP, he confirmed it was indeed panic attacks and also said I'm suffering from Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, mild OCD, and depression. He prescribed me citalopram and wanted to see me again in three weeks.
I decided I didnt want to treat this with mediction, so I began to study. I studied everything I could get my hands on, read books on CBT and other treatments. I found a very good book by Aine Turbridy called When Panic Attacks, it is amazing, deals with panic attacks from many different angles. The more I read the better I understood what was happening. It came to a point where even during panic attacks I was analysing them at the same time, breaking them down into their components, seeing how they start, progress and end. I would write each one down in a little book I carried with me at all times. Where I was, what I was doing, breaking down everything, even seemingly silly things like how long after I had eaten, when I'd last been to the bathroom (I pick these two because I found a pattern), any details that may hold a key I wrote them down.
I have not had a panic attack for 4 months now. I do still have anxiety but I am learning to manage it, OCD I like, its not affecting my quality of life so why change it, and depression was just a result of reaching that breaking point. I have found that understanding what it is I am dealing with is half the battle, its become more of a familiar friend than a threat to my sanity, so I'm a little bit quirky, its just who I am. I have also found a true fascination with the workings of the mind, so much so I have signed up to do a open learning degree in psychology and continue to read all about anxiety, panic, depression, and other aflictions of the mind. Its my aim to not just help myself but to also help others in dealing with this roller coaster ride. I am now building a life for myself instead of a life around panic & anxiety. I'm even doing my shopping again. I know I have a way to go yet but I just want everyone to know that there is a way forward, a way out of this, I'm on the road to finding mine, you can find yours too.