How do I convince myself?

[dodo]

Well after a number of ECGs in the pas which were all fine, I had an echo the other day and a treadmill test which were also both fine.

Was fine afterwards, relieved and feeling positive but today it returns. How do I convince myself the results mean that there is nothing wrong with my heart and I am not suddenly going to have a HA and die?

Today I went to see a friend and I had a *feeling* my heart was funny. No palpitations, no skipped beats, just a feeling in my mind something was wrong. Everytime I picked up my daughter I felt like I couldn't breathe and my heart was going strange - even though it wasn't.

Earlier when I went up the stairs quickly to the toilet my heart was racing as I sat down as it usually does and then all of a suddenly it started beating normally, no slow down, just slow again. I have started thinking now that this is abnormal.

What can I do to get my head round this?

[allergyphobia]

the only way to convince yourself is to prove to yourself nothing is wrong with your heart in a way that is convincing to you. IF you had a significant heart problem, i would imagine that something would show up on the tests. IF you had a significant heart problem, wouldn't you rather know about it? It is time to feel the fear and do it anyway. run up and down your stairs. jump around your living room... and you will see nothing happens to your heart. maybe anxiety, maybe a panic attack but nothing medically wrong. you will not be able to let go of these anxious thoughts until you have let go of the fear and just taken a risk - then you will see that you have no reason to worry. If you can do a treadmill test and be fine, doesnt that mean you can run and walk about with no problems? i am not being insensitive at all, but you sound like you want to know how to solve the way your head is thinking and the only way to do it is to not indulge it - do not stop yourself from doing things, rather do it and then feel as though you have achieved x

[dodo]

Thing is I'm not even sure that is going to help. I went on a huge walk last week which involved steep hills etc etc and I survived and still I can't convince myself. Because I don't know what else these feelings are. Why would I feel dizzy and short of breath for no reason just being at the park with my baby and friend? I thought this would cure me as the likelihood of there being anything wrong with me after these tests is almost zero, but it's the 0.01 % chance that bothers me. And I know nothing in life is certain.

[mary3]

Hi Dodo,
When i read your posts its like reading all my concerns! I too suffer with health anxiety, and this has focused on my heart for a long time. I would constantly be checking my pulse, worrying about strange feelings in my chest and would relate any health symptom i had to problems with my heart, including having red toes which i decided was poor circulation caused by a bad heart!

I was never brave enough to got to the GP and ask for an ecg, i knew that if the results came back normal i would think well i need a 24 hr one etc etc. The reasurrance people with HA seek from the Dr is a short term solution to the problem but it doesnt solve the problem at all. As you know you feel better for some time and then the old worrys come back 'what if the dr missed something' 'what if now i have heart disease but then i didnt'......... It becomes a viscious circle of fear, worry and panic.

What i have began to realise is that people with health anxiety can relate any symptom to the area of concern. For example that horrible feeling of feeling 'funny' i can totaly understand and i would immediatly think 'HEART' where as someone who worrys about brain tumours thinks the feeling is their brain and the person who worrys about MS thinks its that. WE are all having the same feeling we just atribute it to the area we are most concerned about.

Also people with health anxiety are super super aware of every bodily sensation they have, every noise our body makes we hear it. I too run up to the toilet and my heart races and as soon as i sit down it thuds a normal rate, no slowing down. Im sure thiat this happens to everyone but only the HA's notice it.

Over the past few months i have started to feel better, Im not 100% sure why part i think is because im not taking any hormone contraception, that i have realised i am alot worse when im tired, and im not pregnant or just had a baby which i feel like i have been for the past 3 years! Also i have gone cold turkey, i have not checked my pulse for weeks now. It was really tough at first but by removing the source of the problem has removed part of the problem. I also read self help for your nerves by Dr Claire weekes, its a fantastic book and comes highly recommended. I think by accepting it is your mental health that needs focusing on and not your physical health is the start to feeling better. I constantly say to myself 'thats your anxiety not your heart' and if i do feel any skips, thuds or pauses i just try and remember just how many posts ive read that state this is normal behaviour of the heart. I aso think hang on ive worried about my heart for 6 years now but it is still working so that just proves its ok.

Health anxiety is such hard work, i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
Hope you start to feel better soon
mary x

[dodo]

Great reply Mary, thanks.

I have been doing what you said the past couple of days and trying to dismiss the feelings by telling myself that actually nothing showed up and therefore you're ok so ignore it, it's nothing apart from anxiety. Today perhaps I was anxious about going to meet my friend (stupid that is isn't it) and was worried about something happening to me while I was there and making a fool of myself.

I've never noticed my heart stop beating so fast immediately though, it kinda freaked me out, normally it slows down to normal IYKWIM.

I have started worrying myself that in fact my heart is going too slow now. Crazy eh? Now I've been fairly calm. We're never happy are we? How can someone who is fairly unfit and doesn't eat the best have a pulse of 60 and bp of 114/70? There must be something wrong, but of course there probably isn't.

[mary3]

I know exactly how you feel about getting anxious when doing something 'normal' like meeting a friend. One of my biggest problems with health anxiety wasnt just the worry about my heart it was the constant chatter of negative thoughts that kept the anxiety going. If i was going to meet a friend my thoughts would literally go like this:

'what if i collapsed in front of her would she know what to do? what would she do with my kids? what would my kids think? how would my husband get home from work? what if an ambulance came and they just said i was anxious and then my friend would know i suffer with anxiety? I feel weird now, is this what it feels like before you collapse? maybe i should make an emergency appointment with the GP? what will i say? who will watch the kids? etc etc etc..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So no wonder sometimes i have been really anxious when doing things that are not stressful! And no wonder i never used to look interested in peoples conversations when my mind was full of this rubbish!!

The thoughts are something i have worked on too, i have tried to replace them with positive thoughts, and i have reflected on past events ie looking back at meeting this friend and remembering how anxious i was about being ill and then remembering that nothing happened and in fact i had forgot about it by the evening. Infuriating waste of time and energy!!!!

Theres nothing wrong with your heart
xx

[nomorepanic]

Can I just add that I have had a heart attack and as you can see I am still here to tell the tale.

They are not always fatal!

I know that I am more likely to get another one than most other people but I don't spend all day worrying about it as life is to live and it is too short to spend time worrying about "what ifs" and "when's"

If all your tests are clear then please be reassured that your heart is fine.

[dodo]

Mary you relaly sound to have gotten your head round all this. I am looking forward to meeting my psych again this week now. I have a lot more ideas on how I can try and get a hold of this since the tests showed nothing. Your thinking sounds exactly how my thoughts go and it is so strange to think that other people's minds work the same way lol.

I know that the tests are as acurate as you can be that nothing is wrong, but when you have no *episodes* happen while you're there and then a day or so later it all starts happeneing again you think 'well it might not have shown anything wrong because nothing was happening at the time'.

I really hate this I really do.

[mary3]

Thats the problem with having the tests done, i dont think us HA's would ever believe them. If a Dr said to me i am 100% sure your heart is fine then i would either think they were wrong or i would think oh it must be something else then and thats probably when i would go back to worrying about a brain tumour instead. The only thing you can do is put the tests out of your mind, really test on your heart are irrelavant, its the meetings with your psych thats important as the problem lays within your anxiety, thoughts and stress.

I may sound like i have got my head round it but its probably a case of i should really practice what i preach!! I do feel so much better at the moment but i do still feel like im always looking over my shoulder waiting for anxiety and panic to jump out on me! I have had a few wobbles but have managed to talk myself out of them. At the moment im worried as im so tired and it is catching up on me and when im tired im irrational!! and thats when the worrys creep back.

I have read a few of your posts and i could be reading something ive felt! Did you say you woke in the night to feel a sensation of rushes through your chest? I have experienced that at times when i have been really anxious, not felt them though for a while so cant be anything serious. In fact reading your posts recently has been a reasurrance that the problems i have must be anxiety as someone else has the exact same symptoms!

I cant recommend that dr claire weekes book enough, it really helped me put things into perspective.

xx

[dodo]

Yes I have had a lot of that, but I have noticed it happens a lot around the time of my period, when I get insomnia and I feel more anxious anyway. Not had it for a good few nights so that's all it must be.

I agree with the tiredness, I am very tired at the mo.

I have got the Claire Weekes book and I really want to recap on it but it's packed away in a box which I can't get to right now as we've moved recently. Annoying as I relaly do want to read it.