Why can't we let go of a worry? [Archive]

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Bill

07-08-10, 03:29

I was thinking about this today as it's something I've often noticed in peoples posts and I have a theory about it.

Sometimes something will happen or we'll hear or see something that frightens us and we end up constantly worrying about it. As you know, the more you worry about something, the worse anxious symptoms become and yet, oten we find it so hard to stop ourselves.

My theory is that it's based on fear and control. If a ghost appears in front of us, it scares us into worrying about it. We find we can't stop staring at it and I think this is because we're actually afraid to take our eyes off it. While we stare at it we feel nothing bad will happen. We feel in control. If we take our eyes off it, we feel we're losing control over it and as a result something bad will happen because it makes us feel so anxious to stop staring at it.

This is what I think might be happening with worries. If we try to stop dwelling on a worry, we feel we're losing contol over it and something bad will happen because to stop thinking about it makes us feel so anxious.

In a way it's catch 22. A worry frightens us so much that we feel compelled to focus on it but to stop dwelling on it also makes us feel anxious which is how I think we fall into the anxiety trap. It ends up hypnotising us under its spell.

I think there are 2 ways of tackling this...

Firstly, prevention.

If you hear, see or feel something that frightens you, Don't dwell on it otherwise anxiety will snare you in its trap making you feel you daren't attempt to stop thinking about it. One easy way is to find other things to do or think about to prevent it taking hold.

Secondly, cure.

If you find yourself in the trap where you feel you can't stop worrying about something, you then have to force yourself free of the anxious feelings. This means that you do exactly the same as in prevention by finding other things to focus on but it will feel much harder to achieve because you'll already be trapped in anxiety's spell. However, you have to reassure yourself that to stop worrying about it is perfectly ok because the anxious feelings Will gradually subside on their own. You just have to make that leap to prove to yourself there's actually nothing to fear but the feelings of fear themselves and that nothing bad will happen by ignoring a worry. Anxiety is like a ghost. It frightens you into staring at it but if you stop staring, the ghost will feel powerless and will actually melt away if you can force yourself to break free from its hypnotic spell by feeling safe in the knowledge that any anxious feelings will eventually subside.

One other thought regarding worries. I always believe that if you have a worry that you can do something practical to resolve then resolve it no matter how hard it feels because then it's sorted and you then have nothing to worry about.

If though it's something that's beyond your control and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it then let it go because there's no point in worrying about it. It'll only make you feel ill and create symptoms that will create more worries.

Some of us are born worriers but I do feel we can learn to tame our inner beast.

Anyway, just some thoughts.:hugs:

debbsi

07-08-10, 08:20

I think your right there Bill, I feel like I need to keep the worry in check just so I know where it is - i wake up in the morning and think what was I worrying about last night - then carry on with it again!!
Anyway I am determined to be free of this anxiety - I have started by taking my mind off a new worry - or telling myself that its ok not to worry about it and that it is just that - only a worry.

Yesterday I woke in the night with a chest pain (which I have had before and told it was muscular) I knew it was nothing to worry about - but I worried all night and went to the gps in the morning where he reassured me. On the way to work after I was so mad with myself I shouted at myself in the car!! "Its Ok not to worry. Its ok to be happy!!"

Maybe if i can keep telling myself this then I can change the way I think. The worrying thoughts did seem to be quieter throughout the day. Then later that day we found that my dogs had eaten a packet of almonds arrgg - quick google are almonds toxic to dogs -oh no - they are!!!!!!!!! Phone call to the vet - he wasnt too sure but thought there was too little an amount to cause any serious damage - just keep an eye on them.

I stayed in control (although I am good at handling a stressful situation) and told myself that everything would be ok - thankfully they are both fine.

Each time I feel my stomach turn over in the initial OMG thought - I tell myself to stop it!! It is helping but its very early days - hope I can keep up with it.

calm

07-08-10, 12:41

BILL...thank you so much for your post i have read and going to read again...thank you so much, love tracey xxxx

jude uk

07-08-10, 13:19

I think there is a saying in the Bible "can any of you add a day to your life by worrying"....Bill has hit this very well because instead of having control we actually have no control by worrying about something. All over the uk kids are waiting for their exam results. The exams are finished but no doubt many are worrying about their marks/grades. They may have spent the last few months worrying but it has been out of their hands since they put down their pens at the end of the exams.

WORRY is to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret. This is the dictionary term of worry

TORMENT ONESELF.............................

This is what we do everyday...we TORMENT ourselfs.

For me the way to get free is to;
1. accept
2. understand
3. get support
4. keep working through the problem with the support
and remember there is no such thing as failure because each time we hit a set-back we can learn something from it.:hugs::yesyes:

Caz 47

07-08-10, 19:05

Bill i just love all your posts they always seem to come from such a wise person .. you speak such truth i have read your post letting go of worry and your so right its all about control im a control freak i know that.. i cant let go of the bone as they say once i have it in my mouth ... i worry and worry i pace the floor and i have to admit to making myself ill alot of the time only because im not in control of the situation .. ive read your advice and im going to try and put it into action when the need arises which is often im afraid ..

So thank you for posting yet another wonderful post hugs to you ...:hugs:Carole xx

crissy

07-08-10, 21:05

Jim your a wonderful person, I so enjoy everyone of your posts xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gregor

07-08-10, 21:46

Nice post Bill. One question... are you able to follow your own advice and does it actually work? i quite often find i know what the problem is, how to solve it, but i sure as hell can't follow it!

"Its Ok not to worry. Its ok to be happy!!"

Debbsi, i picked out your point because it strikes me that you're absolutely right. It should be ok to be happy. Why can't i just be happy? it's like i'm not happy unless i'm unhappy/have worries. If i have no worry, i find other things to worry about. That's just not normal, surely?

Gregor

Bill

08-08-10, 04:26

Gregor,

You made me smile there!:D...One question... are you able to follow your own advice and does it actually work? i quite often find i know what the problem is, how to solve it, but i sure as hell can't follow it! I know the feeling!:D

I am a natural worrier and it's something I've grown to accept about myself. I know I'll always worry about something because it's just in my nature but I feel I've learnt how to cope with it. So yes, I do get worries just like alot of people here and in the past I can remember I'd worry so much that I'd be sick just as Judeswan has said about exams. I can remember returning home from holiday with my parents knowing my exam results would be waiting on the doorstep. We stopped for a meal but I brought it all back up before we even got back in the car! I can also remember watching programmes about health on tv while I was having dinner which scared me so much I'd have the same reaction. Even before I went to school each day I'd have to take something to calm my stomach. Worries have always affected me.

These days, although I admit I do still worry alot, I feel I know now how to reduce the level to which they affect me. If I hear or see something that worries me, I Always look for something to stop me thinking about it because I know if I keep thinking about it, I'd only make myself feel ill and it will serve no purpose. If it's a worry I can do something about, I make a plan of action and focus on the steps I need to take to sort it. That way I stop the worry.

I find sometimes that something will worry me and it will keep niggling but the way I deal with it is to stop myself "constantly" thinking about it. I find that if you can break up the worry, each time it comes back, it doesn't feel as strong so it's easier to deal with and so with time the worry does gradually fade until I've forgotten all about it.

I'm not sure professional would agree with this but sometimes something will be on tv which I know will upset or worry me. The professionals would probably say that you should be able to watch or listen to anything without it affecting you but I feel that if the issue is beyond your control anyway, what's the point in filling your mind with unnecessary upsets or worries? Therefore, I turn over before the programme starts!

The same applies with newspapers. After work I always used to buy the evening paper to read on the way home and sometimes the stories were interesting but more often than not the stories would be worrying or upsetting so then I thought why am I doing this to myself when I could get the main headlines in the News on tv when I got home. All I was doing was giving myself things to worry about that didn't affect me so I decided that's it, I'm not buying newspapers anymore. It doesn't mean I don't still read them. It's just I don't go out of my way to get one. Personally, it seemed pointless.

I feel if it's in our nature to worry then I can't see how we can change But I do feel we can adapt and learn how to train ourselves so that our worries don't make us feel so ill that we can't cope.

Alot of panics and anxiety symptoms are created by worrying and the more we worry about something, the worse we'll feel. I got fed up with feeling so ill all the time so I just thought of ways to stop my bad habit that I've found have worked for me. I do still worry and I do still get anxious but I don't get panics anymore, I no longer feel the urge to be sick and I no longer take meds. I feel that's good enough for me.

Why can't i just be happy?

The simple answer to that is that we're happy when we're enjoying ourselves or are doing something that is so engrossing that we don't have time to think about worries so if you feel you're worrying too much, bring in other things to think about. An example would be you could plan home or garden improvements or some other long term project that needs planning and daily attention. Sometimes if we're in a boring or stressful job, we feel we're not enjoying life and have nothing to look forward to so we start focusing on worries. If you have something ongoing to plan etc, your mind is then taken up by what to do next when you get home. It provides an interest and something to look forward to so it helps to break up the constant thinking about worries and then they lose their effect. I've found that helps me. It's also very satisfying when you complete a project so it also builds your confidence and self-esteem.

If we sit and constantly think about a worry that frightens us, it's a certainty you'll make yourself feel ill so no matter how difficult it feels, you HAVE to stop anxiety trapping you by getting your mind away from pointless worries or sorting those you can if you want to break free and feel well. It just takes time, patience and getting to know what works for you.:)

leafar

13-08-10, 01:22

It's true. Worrying is just self torment. Worrying is not dealing with anything, it's just playing out the worry. And if you find yourself saying "ok well, let me just at least worry for long enough to grasp what the underlying issue is, and maybe come up with some affirmations or whatever to counter it, surely that's dealing with it", then rememeber that while in that worrying state, you're not in the best position to think clearly about the uinderlying issue. And by not dwelling on it, you're not neglecting it, and it won't increase, it's just a residue, it's nature is to come and go, like an aimless person who has no clue when they're welcome and when they're not.

Whatever the issue is, it's making you worry, and therefore it's dysfunctional, so whatever it is, it's irrelevant and useless to you. There's no rush to deal with the issue as it's just a ghost of something which may have mattered in the past but it's got nothing to do with now. The most helpful thing that you can do to the feeling that makes you start worrying is to let it rest, and let it know that it's not needed, as if to say "thanks, but not today, at ease, relax, and if I need you I'll summon you when you'll be of real use".

And then that worrying energy will be in reserve, energised, for when you genuinely need it. But for now, there's nothing to worry about, it's like a muscle spasm, it comes and goes. When you have a muscle spasm in your arm, do you start dwelling on what your arm must be telling you that you need to do? No, because you can obviously see that you don't need to do anything with it.

A muscle spasm is an automatic and pointless imitation of something useful, but in itself it's useless, and not worth dwelling on. It has nothing to tell you, other than "look at me, I'm an arm, look at this movement that I can do". A worry that comes out of the blus is just like that. It's a part of your mind that is saying "Hmmm...this situation vaguely reminds me of a time when I might, maybe, just maybe, have been useful to you". Instead of dwelling, just say "yes, well, erm, thanks for that insight, that's very clever, now go back to sleep, and when I need you, you'll know about it".

Think of how ridiculous we'd all look if every time we had a muscle spasm we looked at our arms wondering what it wants of us. That's how ridiculous it is to worry about a situation which vaguely, and most likely in the most silly and trivial way, reminds us of a moment in the past. As of an hour ago, any time I feel even the slightest feeling of anything whatsoever, I tell myself what it means, which is usually either something trivial, or completely neutral.

It's an affirmation, but instead of doing it for x minutes per day, just do it when you need to. For example, if you're in a queue and you feel a bit worried, just tell yourself (for example) "aaah, yes, this situation here with me in this queue means that : I'm in a queue, queuing up, and, well, yeah, that's it". Whatever the worrying part of your mind thinks it wants to warn you about is about as useful as the village idiot coming up to you and talking nonsense about how x=y therefore blah blah blah. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, otherwise you wouldn't be worying, you'd be calmly dealing with a real issue, like you normally do.

The subconscious mind is always making connections and associations between things which you wouldn't normally bother about because it's unimportant. If a situation reminds you of a traumatic moment from the past, an you know what moment is being referred to, just say "oh, that, yeah that's over, and now this is this". And if you don't know what the connection refers to (or even if you do), just turn it around and consciously continue the association onto something good from the past, or something that you'r looking forward to. For example : You once panicked in a queue ---> you're in a queue now ---> [this is where you interrupt the flow of associations and take over :] queuing is boring [but is it a reason for worry? nope]---> boring is the opposite of exciting [exciting, that sounds good, now I'm really curious, where are we going with this?] ---> I remember how exciting it was to (whatever, something that you once did that was exciting) ---> I like remembering exciting moments from the past ---> what else can I remember that's exciting? --->oh look, I'm at the front of the queue, I'll carry this on next time I'm queuing up, anywhere.

Result : positive association, and you've rewired that bit of your mind.

blue moon

13-08-10, 04:50

What wonderfull post's,by you all.I Thankyou.
Love Petra x:yesyes:

Erin27

13-08-10, 07:31

The subconscious mind is always making connections and associations between things which you wouldn't normally bother about because it's unimportant. If a situation reminds you of a traumatic moment from the past, an you know what moment is being referred to, just say "oh, that, yeah that's over, and now this is this". And if you don't know what the connection refers to (or even if you do), just turn it around and consciously continue the association onto something good from the past, or something that you'r looking forward to.

This makes so much sense! Thank you for posting this. It reminds me of something I'm trying to work on called the "Fight or Flight" response.... Certain situations I am in trigger an awful physical feeling of dread and panic based on (sometimes subconsciously) associating the situation with one from the past which I found traumatic / upsetting / made me anxious, etc. Even though rationally I know the situation is totally different to anything from the past, I still get the same physical response that I would have done in previous situations.

I'm just having some trouble breaking the cycle... your post really helps... I guess its like re-training or re-programming our brains to think in a different way and changing the thought (association) pattern!!?

Best wishes x

leafar

13-08-10, 22:30

My post was really just me talking to myself, and ingraining all of that stuff into my own mind, while hopefully helping someone else.

I've thought of something else. I think that the fear and worry doesn't even come from the fact that an event might remind you of something negative (whether from the past, or the idea of something negative). The simple reason is that i bet anyone who gets panic attacks can quite calmly sit and think of a negative idea without getting worked up about it. So that rules that out. It isn't the fact of being reminded.

Or maybe it's the fact of not knowing what the event reminds you of, and any feeling of insecurity that might come from that (ie a sense of having no control to address the issue). But sometimes you know and sometimes you don't, and every little thing that happens every day can have a connection to and probably does remind us of one thing or another yet we don't get worked up about it. The chances are that for every panicky moment where there's a negative association, there are many others which our minds also connect with something else but we don't even notice it or if we do it doesn't bother us. So it can't be the fact of not knowing what the connection is.

So I think, at least for me and probably many others, that panicking or fearing that you might panic (or at least having a weird sense of sadness/discomfort) is just a case of weakness, meaning a poor level of ability to just let events mean what they mean, and not intensely connect them to something else which isn't happening at all. That's the real underlying issue : your fear of yourself, the fact that you aren't as good at being in the present as you could so easily be if you just stay in the present, and a sense that you need to "practise" the fight or flight routine, when in actual fact that routine kicks in automatically. The routine knows what it's doing and knows when to kick in, you don't need to trigger it yourself, you can be free in the knowledge that it will do its job. After all, the fact that you can wake it up and activate it is proof that it's always there, ready to help you. Why bother it from its sleep? Would you call all of your local shops every 5 minutes just to check that they still stock all the things you need and that they haven't gone out of business? No. There's no effort involved in just being in the present. It takes more effort to concoct meanings to an event than it does to actually just get on with it. So instead of wondering what the event means and playing out the emotions that you'd feel if you really were genuinely in danger or genuinely sad or angry or vulnerable, just relax and see the event for what it is : Nothing, just an event.

How much sense does it make, if you're walking down the street, to attach some vague negative meaning to that? It doesn't, so just walk down the street and get on with it. Let it be the mundane, neutral activity that it is, and if you want, attach some nice feelings to it. That's being in control. Whereas wondering what something might mean just because you had a fleeting sense of association with something else, that is not being in control. So if control is what you want, just be in the present moment. Be in control of that.

And think about how extremely powerful your fight or flight mechanism is. It comes to life when you bother it, and it does its thing. Then you suffer because in actual fact there's no need for its help, in fact you're better off leaving it alone, instead of programming it to come into play every time you feel a bit insecure. By leting panic take you over, you're not helping yourself, you're just telling your fight / flight mechanism that little things here and there mean more than they do. You can deal with them so easily yourself and it takes next to no effort, it's as easy as this :
　

This situation (event / thought / whatever) feels a bit negative to me. I perceive it as scary, makes me feel a bit sick, sad, angry, vulnerable, or whatever. I don't know why, and the reason doesn't concern me, it's just my subconscious making associations, and it has temporarily taken a slightly wrong turn. A dead end. A silly, unwanted, irrelevant cul de sac along my journey.

That's it. It's like a fluctuation in the weather, except that I can change my emotional "weather" in a split second. That's why I'm conscious, to do just that. That's part of my job, as the "driver".

And now I'm backing out and getting back on the main road, where things are real. Where what you see is what you get.

There are no issues to address, except your ability to back out of that cul de sac. Training yourself to do that, and then laughing at how easy it was all along, and then getting embarassed at the fact that actually, you wouldn't survive if you weren't already doing this 99% of the time, and then using that gladness, and that energy of relief at just how powerful you are to knock this silly panic business on the head, that's your real aim.

The amount of creativity and energy that you put into paying attention to all of the silly nonsense that in a way is almost none of your business (meaning your subconscious processes) is precisely a measure of how good you are at staying focussed on the present and on reality, and also creating positive associations. If you're that good at being anxious over nothing, if you're that good of a magician to be able to conjure up the illusion of a reason to worry, if you're that good at waking up your subconcious and managing to fool it into believing that you are in danger when you're not, and if you're such an expert at commanding it to respond to what is in fact nothing whatsoever, you must be an absolute master at staying focussed and making the best of your immediate present.

Our problem is that yesterday and today, we didn't realise that immense ability that we have. We're like an evil genius thinking that he's doing good. But now that we know that our judgement on that was incorrect, we can use that power to let our subconscious do its thing undisturbed by us, and we can do our thing which is experience each moment for what it is. If at any point we face real danger, our subcon will kick in and create solutions for us, it will activate all the parts of us that are needed to solve problems fast. Until then, there's nothing to do, no baggage, no nothing, just the freedom to carefully judge each situation realistically and accurately. It's so easy, it's almost boring. A ball floats effortlessly in a glass of water, our panic nonsense is just our overworried conscious selves pushing that ball down, and "drowning" it. Let's just let go of it and watch how it floats, and where it takes us. That's our natural selves, we already know how to get on with it, and we already have the fight / flight skill for when we need it. We're already complete and fully functional. It's just that until now we've been acting like we're not. It's quite funny really. I can't wait for the day when I look back, have a chuckle, and say to myself "I'm so personally embarassed at myself for acting that way, when all along I could have made it go away in almost an instant. I'll never be so silly again".

Bill

15-08-10, 03:01

Wow, was that from a book or a psychology course manual? Bit technical but fascinating stuff!:winks:

angel-eyes

15-08-10, 04:02

Hello Bill and everyone,

These are some really good comments regarding worry! I'm a new member here and am really enjoying reading all of the posts. I've never thought of worry in this light though I am familiar with what the Bible says regarding it. I do know that it is good to try to distract yourself when worried though to get one's mind off of things.

Take Care,
Terri

Bill

16-08-10, 02:16

Hello Terri:hugs:

If you have a worry that you can do something about then sort it no matter how anxious you feel about it because once it's sorted the anxious feelings go too and you feel much better for it.

If you have a worry beyond your control that you can't do anything about then there's no point dwelling on it because the more you dwell, the more anxious you'll feel. Therefore, finding other things to think about but Not other things to worry about!, can be very beneficial.

All anxious feelings are created by fear and worries, even if we're not even aware of thinking anything.

Often when people get up in the mornings they'll feel very anxious but they're not aware of thinking anything- They just feel anxious. However, the anxious feelings are often normally caused by a fear of getting through the day because the previous day was an effort and so was the day before that etc. When you go deeper, you could then find that the reason each day feels such an effort is because one day you suffered a panic or just had a really bad day of feeling anxious which created symptoms that felt uncomfortable or frightening. Then you find that these in turn may have been caused by a "stressful bad day" or a build of pressures over a period of time at home, work etc.

That's just one common scenario but you'll find there are always causes to our worries, fears and anxious feelings if you ask yourself the right questions.

I often question myself if I'm actually of any help to others being here because if I thought I wasn't I just couldn't stay and keep posting so it's nice to know my posts are of help to you. Thank you.:hugs:

By the way, I once wrote a poem called Angel Eyes!:noangel: :winks:

Chem

20-08-10, 00:39

It's true. Worrying is just self torment. Worrying is not dealing with anything, it's just playing out the worry. And if you find yourself saying "ok well, let me just at least worry for long enough to grasp what the underlying issue is, and maybe come up with some affirmations or whatever to counter it, surely that's dealing with it", then rememeber that while in that worrying state, you're not in the best position to think clearly about the uinderlying issue.

I find some of your response rambling and hard to follow leafar, so I'm breaking it down. I'm not sure you are replying to worry here, rather than anxiety. No-one would function at all without stressors to motivate them. Who would go to work, or tax their car if they didn't have to? People relate to these stressors as worries and they cannot be affirmed or countered. Issues cannot be clearly resolved whilst in a state of high anxiety, but worrying allows consideration of options and weighing up of outcomes. It can be a positive process if anxiety does not take over.

Whatever the issue is, it's making you worry, and therefore it's dysfunctional, so whatever it is, it's irrelevant and useless to you. There's no rush to deal with the issue as it's just a ghost of something which may have mattered in the past but it's got nothing to do with now.

I wish you'd tell that to the Council Tax Office and my bank manager when I've no money for the bills. I don't think those bills are irrelevant, or my worrying about them is dysfunctional or useless. I worry to find a solutuion. It's a process my mind goes through to achieve a positive result.

A muscle spasm is an automatic and pointless imitation of something useful, but in itself it's useless, and not worth dwelling on. It has nothing to tell you, other than "look at me, I'm an arm, look at this movement that I can do". A worry that comes out of the blus is just like that. It's a part of your mind that is saying "Hmmm...this situation vaguely reminds me of a time when I might, maybe, just maybe, have been useful to you". Instead of dwelling, just say "yes, well, erm, thanks for that insight, that's very clever, now go back to sleep, and when I need you, you'll know about it".

This isn't worry, it's anxiety. An over-reaction perhaps to past events that have formed our experience. It's a subconscious reaction that becomes conscious through fear.

It's an affirmation, but instead of doing it for x minutes per day, just do it when you need to. For example, if you're in a queue and you feel a bit worried, just tell yourself (for example) "aaah, yes, this situation here with me in this queue means that : I'm in a queue, queuing up, and, well, yeah, that's it". Whatever the worrying part of your mind thinks it wants to warn you about is about as useful as the village idiot coming up to you and talking nonsense about how x=y therefore blah blah blah. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, otherwise you wouldn't be worying, you'd be calmly dealing with a real issue, like you normally do.

That makes no sense at all. The fear and thus the worry would only occur if a past event had been a true or perceived danger to the person who was anxious. No-one would worry about a queue from normal experience - only if they had, say, been knifed, pushed over, sworn at, or made to feel fear in a queue previously.

The subconscious mind is always making connections and associations between things which you wouldn't normally bother about because it's unimportant. If a situation reminds you of a traumatic moment from the past, an you know what moment is being referred to, just say "oh, that, yeah that's over, and now this is this".

Have you ever had your life threatened? I find your blase comments uneducated and flippant.

And if you don't know what the connection refers to (or even if you do), just turn it around and consciously continue the association onto something good from the past, or something that you'r looking forward to. For example : You once panicked in a queue ---> you're in a queue now ---> [this is where you interrupt the flow of associations and take over :] queuing is boring [but is it a reason for worry? nope]---> boring is the opposite of exciting [exciting, that sounds good, now I'm really curious, where are we going with this?] ---> I remember how exciting it was to (whatever, something that you once did that was exciting) ---> I like remembering exciting moments from the past ---> what else can I remember that's exciting? --->oh look, I'm at the front of the queue, I'll carry this on next time I'm queuing up, anywhere.

I agree that exposure therapy can help greatly to reduce anxiety but it's not as easy as "just turn it around".

Result : positive association, and you've rewired that bit of your mind.
.

GlasgowGuy

20-08-10, 09:57

I've just got tuned into a few of your posts this morning Bill and you make a lot of sense. Keep up the good posts mate are a tonic to me and a few others no doubt.

Hope your health is on right path squire.

Cheers for your input.

Baggie

20-08-10, 11:32

This is such a good thread Bill. I've not been on NMP for a wee while now but the old anxiety has started to creep back up on me again, just when I thought that I was getting the hang of managing things! It's SO annoying!

I just cannot seem to let the worry go. It must be a control thing. Part of me is almost scared to not focus on it in case something goes wrong or bad happens. Even as I read this while typing I know logically that worrying doesn't change a thing and that it only makes me feel uncomfortable, but still it lurks in the background like the proverbial bad smell!!

Despite feeling very foolish sometimes, at least I know that I'm not alone and that gives me a lot of support, so thank you guys.:)

Bill

21-08-10, 03:58

Thank you both of you:)

Yes, we all get worries that annoy us! The important thing is that IF we keep focusing on them, we only make ourselves feel ill and that same worry will then keep coming back for more because it'll know we're afraid of it!

Also, the more stressed we are, the more likely we are to worry so relaxation techniques can help in more than way because a calm mind creates a relaxed body.

Sounds simple I know but try not to be afraid to let go of it and not dwell on it or give it any attention. Just see what happens......nothing....you just feel better for it by practising saying "I don't care!" to your worries and any anxious feelings.:winks:

Whatever our worry, worrying about it never changes the outcome whether we feel in control or not so then there's no risk in letting go.

I Am a worrier though..I just have to keep using the same techniques myself but at least I feel I cope ok!

I'm just glad to be of some help.:)

GlasgowGuy

21-08-10, 09:01

I think I read in a CBT book it's turning the 'what ifs' into 'so whats'. Very true just trying to put it into practice can be daunting.

snowghost57

15-03-17, 18:05