I think insane would be happier

[j2]

I was just sitting here on my 39th birthday feeling like everything was breaking down on me. I am feeling like my leg hurts/is weak so it must be ALS, my stomach is upset with nausea so it must be pancratic cancer, my throat is raw, feels tight and like something is stuck in it so it must be throat cancer, my face has an odd one sided feeling so back to ALS and my head hurts so it must be a brain tumor. I can honostly worry that I have all of these diseases and more in the span of a few minutes. I can also throw in worry that my wife is cheating on me when there is no way she would do that. How can I possibly do this to myself and how can I stop it? Right now it is so sad it is humerous but most days I am miserable and lonely. How do you guys cope, I am not coping well. Sometimes I just think that being completely insane must be a lot easier than being only partly nuts.:)

Thanks,
J2

[cattia]

:hugs: sorry you are feeling so low on your birthday! I think birthdays can get you that way, they tend to make you reflect and for us that can mean dwelling on the morose. I have been where you are many times, and recently too, and I know that feeling of despair and just feeling like there is no end to it. Don't give up hope though! Do you take any medication, or have you had any therapy? Is there anything that you can do like exercise or meditation that would take your mind off things even just for a short while and give you some relief? Maybe you could make a plan of things that you would like to achieve before you are 40 in terms of reducing your anxiety, and start writing down some of the steps that you are going to take to try new things and see if they help. All these things may make you feel more empowered and less helpless. The one thing that you want and that we all want, is to be assured that we are OK and we are going to live, but nobody can ever give us that assurance 100%. All the tests in the world would not convince us that we had not missed something.All you can do is the best you can to move forward one step at a time. Take a leap of faith and try to treat the anxiety, putting your faith in the fact that the physical problems will improve with it.