Not doing well

[blueangel]

I feel as though I banging my head against a brick wall at the moment. I know it's due to overload, and I know I've had it before and make a recovery of sorts, but I feel I can never beat anxiety down to a "normal" level that would make it reasonably easy to live with.

Part of my problem seems to be that I have more than one sort of anxiety - along with generalised anxiety, I also suffer with health anxiety and one or two specific sorts of social anxiety (which erupted yesterday).

My upbringing has conditioned me into believing that everything bad that happens to me is my own fault, that I deserve it, and that any sort of weakness (however insignificant) is to be utterly despised. I've managed to get rid of all sorts of the crap that I acquired when I was a child, but not this. It's become the Ancient Mariner's albatross (if you've ever come across the poem) and I can't get rid of it.

There's just too much "stuff" to deal with in my life right now; along with the residual anxieties, I am having huge problems getting divorced; my partner is still married to a mad, unreasonable, selfish woman who likes having both of us dancing to whatever tune she chooses to play; I'm just about to walk into a mega-problem at work with two people who are harassing me - and just for good measure, I am helping to bring up two children who aren't mine (and I know nothing about children).

It's too much. I want to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but someone's turned the bloody thing off.

My partner's brilliant, wonderful; he desperately wants to be able to help me, but I don't want to burden him will all this all of the time in case he can't cope with it either.

I can always seem to sort out other people's problems; why can't I manage it for myself?

[johnno]

maybe you are putting yourself under way too much stress right now and taking on more than you can ! i think people at work harassing you need reporting noone should have to work with harassment or they need to be told firmly .

its far easier to help other people than ourselves because its easier to see what other people are doing . the mind is soo illusive that we often dont realise the things right infront of us that are making us unhappy . and it can be so painful facing the thoughts and belief systems that we hold to be true that it becomes exhausting and painful and we make ourselves belief we going to crack up and go mad . all of this . just worry after worry after worry aint it ? lol i think the what need to look at these before they get soo deep and we learn to hide them so well that we block them out for good . think its important we take a look at this .

[margaret jones]

Blueangel bless you no wonder you are feeling stressed there is a limit to how many balls you can keep up in the air at once and you seem to have far to many things going on at this time , can you try and look for the light :winks: I will go ahead and switch it on for you keep going you will get there Maggie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[blueangel]

Thank you - I've picked up a little over the weekend, but am still feeling a bit dazed. I have decided to try and find a counsellor privately, as then at least I won't have to wait ages for a referral. I'll let you know how I get on.