I'm so scared please help!!! Being alone and heart anxiety...

[Ella_Jayne]

Hi everyone,

I suffer from HA for about a year. I'm 22 and had my first big panic attack when I was home alone. Since then I've been petrified to stay at home alone incase I either have a heart attack and just drop dead or I freak out and have a panic attack and think that I will die.

I have to be alone for 5 whole hours tomorrow and i have no idea what I'm going to do... I've been crying on and off for the past hour dreading it. What if I have heart condition that has been missed and I suddenly collapse with nobody here to help??? I've been checked by a cardiologist (ECG's Echo's, Holters, blood test...) and he said that I am fine but when i'm alone I go back to thinking that I have some sort of condition that I will just collapse and die from. I don't know what to do. :weep:

I get skipped beats, a heavy feeling in my chest, dizziness, wobbly legs... Of which I can manage to a point when I'm around people but alone I attribute the symptoms to a heart condition. I've been for CBT twice, helped but didn't help the whole being alone phobia.

[Clairalou]

Hey, I have a very similar problem. I find that getting out the house helps or busying myself with something just takes my mind off things.

Feel free to pm me anytime.

Claire xxxx

[calm]

Ella jayne...if you can venture out even if its just up the road for a short while that would be wonderful xxxx
it is so hard being on ones own...i work from home and when everyone goes out i begin to feel so isolated - just think it is 5 hours - and try if you can to make a list of what you would like to do...i dont know...as we said...go for a walk....make sure you have some music on when you are in the house....tidy something that you have been putting off for a while....if you can and i know it is easier said than done but keep yourself occupied...take a relaxing bath - spoil yourself xxxx
please please let us know how you get on xxxxx

[beez82]

I hate being alone too - although I'm a little different as I've got 2 little kids so I stress something will happen to me and they'll be left with me for goodness knows how long (morbid I know).

Can you go and visit a friend or head to the shops? I know I still have heart symptoms when I'm with people but I tell myself at least someone will know that something is happening to me and hopefully be able to help.

Good luck, you will get through it I know xx

[Ella_Jayne]

Thanks for the advice everyone, well I'm at home alone now and I'm already anxious. I can go out with a friend but I've been doing that all week as a distraction for staying at home alone. I figure i have to stay at home alone at some point but this just feels terrible. My tummy is turning, I have a full feeling in my chest and throat and I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next few hours. I feel scared stiff. :weep: I keep thinking that I'm going to drop dead...

[caz1625]

You are not alone cos we are all here :) Just keep posting and before you know it the time will have flown by.

Carol x

[Ella_Jayne]

Thanks Carol :)

xxx

[loveletter]

My heart goes out to you.
I am really scared to be left alone in the house and have managed to avoid it pretty much as I have 3 sons age 28 22 and 12 that live at home and 1 of them is usually about so have only had to do a odd hour here or there alone which I have felt was really hard and sat with a phone in my hand the whole time as was convinced I was going to collapse.
I can not leave the house on my own so going for a walk was not a option for me.

Have you got good neighbours that are at home that you could call on if things did get really bad.

I think you are being really brave and I am really thinking of you this morning.
I know I have to do this one day but am so very scared

[Natalie x]

Hi Ella. I'm the exact same as you. I have anxiety over my heart and I'm so scared to be alone. What I find best is distracting myself and doing something, like tidying up my room or watching some tv.

Your tests came back fine so that shows that nothing is wrong with you. I'm the exact same as you and it's so hard when you have something stuck in your head.

Is there anyone close by like a friend that can come over? x

[Ella_Jayne]

Thanks everyone. :)

I'm so relieved that those 5 hours have been and gone. I tried distracting myself and positive thinking but It only lasted for a few minutes. My hands were so clamy and the usual anxiety symptoms. It was terrible. I'l have to do it again on Monday which I am so not looking forward to. I just have this 'feeling' that something isn't right with my heart and it'll just stop when I'm alone.

When I had my first panic attack, I was alone and I literally thought I was dying, I thought that I had moments to live and I guess that has set this whole 'afraid of being alone' off.

When I had CBT I was told to ease myself in, 15 minutes at first and then gradually build up. I tried it and it never got easier. I guess I need to accept that it's just anxiety and not a heart problem, but that's easier said than done. I always think that I'll be the one that has all the tests come back fine but still drops dead, I'll be that girl.

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate all of your kind comments. :hugs:

[PokerFace]

I used to be exactly like that. When I first got my health anx about my heart my mum went away on holiday few weeks after! I didn't know a lot about health anxiety or what was happening to me and every single day was a struggle. My sister had to be at work so I was left alone every day just thinking I was about to drop dead! If you can't get anyone round or don't want to go out (I didn't at all), the thing that worked most for me was distraction! Anythin at all, reading, watching TV, playin a game etc and the day goes really fast!

It's been...5/6 months since that all started for me and I've been alone all day everyday this week with no panic whatsoever so I promise you this feeling DOES fade! xxx

[Ella_Jayne]

Thanks Pokerface :)

It's nice to hear that you can now manage to be alone, it gives me hope. I was thinking earlier that if things don't change, and I dread the next day every day then i'm going to have a lot of unhappiness in my life, but you give me hope that the feeling fades, thank you for that.

I've tried watching TV and it does help but I still have the racing thoughts and 'what if' questions going on in my head. Maybe the more I do it the easier it will be? I hope so anyway. I don't like going out alone and all this week I've been out with friends so I wouldn't have to be alone but today was the day when I realised I can't do this all of the time.

When you were alone and felt really bad, were there any specific things you would say to yourself to make yourself feel better? How did you get rid of the neagative thoughts?

[PokerFace]

I reassure myself with the fact I've had my heart checked and I'm so young! You've had more tests done than me and we're basically the same age so you can reassure yourself with that too! I know it's hard with chest pains and heart thuds and all the panicy feelings it's hard to accept theres nothing wrong but it really IS just anxiety. If it makes you feel any better I get chest pains all over my chest, mainly central and beasty palpitations/ectopics. My pulse is super super fast 84/88bpm on a good day (sitting down doing nothin :D) and shoots up rly high even if I jus walk up the stairs! I'm still here and my heart is completely fine it's just silly anxiety!

Also a lot of people who have heart attacks survive, even if they're alone which means IF you have one (which you won't) you have time to get to a phone call 999 and open a door so they can come in and find you. I always have my phone near me even now with my feelings under some control "just in case".

When I had my first panic attack, it was cuz I had 2 VERY painful muscle spasms in my chest which I thought was a heart attack. Luckily my sister was with me so she called an ambulance and kept me calm and got my mum home from work. But ever since then I've thought "what would I have done if I was alone?" So I refused to be left alone incase it happend again. I've been where you are now and I thought it was never gonna stop and it was never gonna get better I was just a total wreck! If my mum wasn't home precisley when she said she would be, I'd be on the phone ringin her constantly til she answered and textin her like "please come home!!" cuz I was so scared. The week she went away I made my dad stay with me one night cuz I was so panicy and convinced I was gonna drop dead if he left me. It's kinda funny cuz I was getting nervous before my mum went away this week, and I sat there and thought "why would I have a heart attack just cuz I'm alone?"

I've been fine all week and hardly even noticed I've been alone cuz of distraction and positive thinking. It definatley gets easier in time and in a few weeks you'll probably be feeling a lot more positive and a lot better. xxx

[Ella_Jayne]

Thank you so much!!! :D

You really have lifted my spirits.

You sound like you've done really well with all of this, hopefully like you said in a few weeks It'll be easier. I tried breathing exercises but they didn't really work for me at all.

Did you take any meds to help you? I was on Inderal (Propanol) for anxiety but had to come off them due to horrible side effects, but to be honest they didn't really help at all, just made me very fatigued. I have Diazepams too but have only taken them 3 or 4 times over the past 10 months.

Thanks sooooo much for your advice. You don't realise how much you have helped me. :) xxx

[PokerFace]

I've only took propranolol for a couple of weeks but didn't really notice a difference apart from my heart rate was less noticable! Didn't slow it down or anything was just harder to feel. I took a few when I was ill a couple of weeks ago cuz my heart was pounding so hard but thats it really!

I take Quiet Life tablets sometimes. You can buy them from Boots and it's kinda good for mild anxiety, like you know those days where you can jus feel it hangin about like it's jus gonna get worse? I take them when I have that.

It will get easier and easier! Times all you need really and we've both got loads of that as we're only in our 20's!. You'll beat this. xx