i am at my wits end....dont know wot to do...help

[calm]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guys...full flown attack this morning....just taken a diaz.
will my meds ever ever ever make a difference!...i am oh so scared and thinking what is the point!...i have a beautiful daughter who should not be going through this with me!!!!!!!!!!!!

help......i just want it all to end....i'm thinking that everyone would be better off without me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kerry B]

Oh Tracey please don't think like that you are such a lovely person and have so much to give you help me with your comforting pm.'s You Diazapam will start to work shortly and hopefully you will calm down, I know this terrible and sometimes the Doctors don't realise what we are going through. sending you loads of hugs pm me if you need me love kerry xxx

[calm]

oh kerry.......thank you so so so so so so much!
i just want it all to go away!!!!!!!!!! like everyone on here xxxxx
thank you my darling...got to start work in 4 mins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
need to pull myself together!
thank you xxxx and yes i will pm you xxxxxx

[JT69]

Hi Tracey,

I just wanted to say how I admire your courage...feeling so bad yet still managing to go to work...it is the best thing in the long run....but I know how difficult it is to do that...what we go through eh?? Just wish a big gush of wind would come and blow it all away!!!

Better days ahead hun....is it tommorow you have your appointment at the GP,s?? Let us know how you get on.

Take care and keep thinking of your daughter who would not be better off without her mum. You will come through.

Take care
Jo.xx

[gypsywomen]

you can do t Tracy your working thats good ,,we need you dont forget that ,in this world ,not many truly caring people ,but your one of them be strong xxxxxxxxxxx

[calm]

it is oh so difficult re:work...hard to concentrate....but i am trying to keep the job going.
thank you both so much for your messages - they mean oh so much.
yes i know in the long run kerrylouise would not be...its just i look at her and feel so ashamed of how i am feeling....and she looks so sad! luckily today she is at her nans and wont be coming home till this afternoon.
i cant eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and am losing so much weight!....i am going to try at lunchtime to eat something....it does not matter what...just need to get something down.
thank you to all my friends and i dont know wot i would do without you all....please please please dont get bored with me...i am here for all of you...but you know this already xxxxx i am a good listener xxxxx

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

brittutor i work from home...so i am here.
ok...let me try and put it into words....as soon as i open my eyes...yes as soon as i open my eyes this feeling of panic sets in....i was really ill four years ago and well, i nearly didnt make it with my crohns disease....i then, god forgive me took an overdose but thankfully it was not successful...i pulled through but it had major affects on my family. now my little girl is having kidney problems and i just keep thinking that my illness will come back and i wont be here for her. and this thought consumes me all through the day!.....i am oh so scared....for her and yes for me...she is 13 and starts upper school in september and i am thinking what if i am not here for her....if my illness takes hold then i am out of action and she will be frightened and alone....!
this is what is consuming me brittutor.....i think i am going mad!....and i want to hit my head against the wall over and over again...i have done this in the past!!!!!!!!
there it is...all out in the open....these are my fears!!!!!!!!

[calm]

have i been too open...i do hope not! xxxx

[BritTutor]

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[gypsywomen]

no its good to let it out share ..you have done well ,:hugs:

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

i was looking after myself really really well until the panic attacks took hold...now i am doing every completely wrong......not eating, smoking, not drinking.....i am so so sorry!
i know i should but i cannot help it....i know i need to help myself...i must do better!

the attacks come over me in a wave - i start thinking about 4 years ago...and then i am totally out of control and i am nearly physically sick!.....every morning as soon as i awake.........am i going mad brittudor????? i think i am xxxx

[calm]

thank you gypseywomen xxxx i just hope i havent put anyone off me! xxxx thank you brittudor xxxxx

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

as soon as i awake.....it just comes over me.....as soon as i awake.
yes...i promise i need to look after me then i can look after my daughter xxxxx i know this but my head and body does not want to eat! but i am going to try this lunchtime xxxxxxx
guys...what would i do without you all xxxx

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

yes every single blasted morning! xxxxx i go to bed and think tomorrow it will be different but alas not at the moment xxxxxx

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

hi brittutor...i have just had a ham and tomato sandwich....small bites....so i am proud of myself xxxx
you must find me such a pain....how are you doing...you must be going through troubles of your own and for you to take such time is truly truly amazing....everyone on here is truly unbelievable...you are all my lifeline and if i can help someone the way i am being helped then we are truly truly blessed.
other questions....its as soon as i open my eyes....it just hits me like a train if you know wot i mean....i am going to ask the gp should she increase my meds but then again i dont know how they know wot to increase too...do you know wot i mean. i know with cit it can take along time for it to take affect...i guess like us all i want a miracle cure and to return to my old ways...fun loving and happy xxxxxx

[gypsywomen]

And my other questions?are you a doctor ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????

[BritTutor]

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[BritTutor]

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[gypsywomen]

very true does it help you

[BritTutor]

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[gypsywomen]

Tracy is lovely she helps everyone its hard for her,, your helping Tracy is talking about things

[calm]

hi guys....as gypsywomen knows i am on cit 20mg.....for four weeks...god i am boring myself...i must be sending you all to sleep lol xxxx
yes....talking is the key i dont cry...i cant and just bottle it up....did you see brittudor i had a ham and tomato sandwich yahhhhhhhhhhhh!.....arent i good teeheehee.
you know something....we all help each other...thats how it works so wonderfully xxxxx its a two way thing. although you may all think i am nuts i am good at listening and you know something...we will overcome and one day we will have a huge gathering....and all meet up and give all of us a pat on the back and a huge hug xxxxx
brittudor...my panic attacks last from anything from an hour to three hours plus today was horrific so i took a diaz. which didnt really hit...but i am calming down now and that is thanks to all of you xxxxx

[BritTutor]

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[calm]

YES....so sorry i am that is what i am saying xxxxxx

[calm]

it gets worse...oops did it again xxxxx

[BritTutor]

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[Worrier]

Hey Tracey,

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. You left such a lovely reply to my post about Learning to Love Myself the other day, it was so sweet and I appreciated it very much.

You have to find a way to conquer all this. I know it is so difficult, it has been a lifetime of searching for me. Remember my quote - I think it helps put things in perspective.

Please - anytime you need to chat, pm me if you like. I'd love to get to know you and help you out if I can.

Take care
Natalie x

[onceagain]

Hi Calm

I hope that you are feeling a little better I'm really sorry to hear you have had such a bad day but there is always a reason for you being here don't you forget it...

You offer such fantastic support here to others so please take heart cos when we are down or gone through a bad attack it does make you wonder but tomorrow is another day and a day that you are meant to share x

[calm]

you guys have just brought tears to my eyes....but in such a wonderful wonderful way.....i keep on hoping and praying that tomorrow we will all wake up and feel....just better....if you know what i mean...fingers x for all of us it will xxxx
brittudor...i have eaten dinner tonight...potatoes, chicken and veg....it was only a small potion but hey....i do feel proud of myself.
I WANT TO SHOUT FROM THE ROOF TOPS THAT THIS IS THE BEST SITE EVER!!!!!!!
the friends that i have made and the new friends i am bound to meet is such a delight.
THIS MORNING WAS AWFUL....BUT BECAUSE OF EVERYONE HERE AND PERSONAL MESSAGES I GOT THROUGH THE DAY.....I THANK YOU AND I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET XXXXX