HIV again

[gracesophia]

I'm getting so sick of this. For the last week I have been worrying about Herpes because I had unprotected oral sex. I stop worrying about that, and then my brain reverts to the HIV worries. I had a one night stand almost 3 months ago, and I know that I asked him to use a condom and he went to get one, but because I was drunk and it was months ago and I am OCD-ing about this, I don't think I can specifically remember seeing him put it on. I also didn't see him take it off, because he went to the bathroom straight afterwards (probably to take it off, right?). I texted him the next day to check that the condom hadn't split and he said 'Nah, the condom didn't split, I'm confident of that'. So of course I am worrying:

a) he didn't even use a condom (I maybe didn't even see one!) and lied to me
b) the condom split and he lied to me
c) I am doubting 'I'm confident of that' because he didn't say 'I'm 100% sure'!

I have no reason to think he has HIV except I don't know him, so for all I know he has had unprotected sex with men or used IV drugs.. I know he came out of a long-term relationship recently and had only slept with one girl since. And he had condoms immediately on-hand, which suggests he uses them. He didn't seem like a dishonest guy and was really upfront about not wanting to lead me on so I can't imagine he would lie to me.

I guess I need some reassurance that thinking any of the things above is completely irrational. I don't want to get tested again, because if I keep getting tested over no risk situations I am only going to reinforce the worry by seeking reassurance.

I'm still really worried about any future sex life because any time I do anything (like I did last weekend) I end up freaking out about the tiny chance I could have caught something :(

My MA dissertation is due in 2 weeks so I know I am only worrying about this to distract myself. But even if I got a test done tomorrow, I would still have a week of worrying.. and then once that came back negative, I would find something else to worry about. How do I stop this ? :(

[pinkynicca]

o boy you sound just like i use to, i had a 1 night stand with an ex, unprotected and i just about went crazy thinking what if, you are fine, sounds like he doesn't sleep around much being that he was in a long relationship. also HIV isn't really easy to catch, go ahead and get tested in 1-3 months to put your mind at ease but, i promise you, you dont have hiv. take a deep breathe and go enjoy this beautiful weather feel free to pm me.

[constantworrier418]

I used to be like you worrying about any encounter whether it be sexual or just shaking someone's hand. Without doubt distraction is the best course of action for the time being but just to put your mind at ease go and get a full check up at your nearest GU clinic and they will put your mind at rest.

[worriedmummy1]

Hi hun, I can totally relate to you fear of HIV as that is what I am going through right now. I had a baby 7 weeks ago and since then have convinced myself I have HIV, first it was from the toilet in the hospital, then the toilet in the local shopping centre, then from a razor I thought I may have used at my sister house in April (even though she doesnt have HIV).

So, I went to see a sexual health councellor last tuesday and he did a rapid HIV test which came back negative. Now I am convinced he used a dirty needle with HIV blood in it, even though I saw the syringe in its packet and needle in a seperate packet. Because I had to look away when he put the needle in my arm to get the blood I am convinced he whipped out a dirty one and injected me, than quickly hid it again!! How mad is that thought. I am now convinced I need another test, but feel quite distressed because I am going to have to wait around another 11 weeks before I can go and get one!! My hubby is not worried in the slightest, even when I told him my worries about the dirty needle and test. His reply was 'he is a professional, not a mechanic doing HIV tests on the side!!'

I am sure you will be fine, but if a test will put your mind at rest then get one done. But that is easier said that done, as I fear the test and what it may say!! Dont let it ruin your dissertation, I am sure you've worked hard. xx

[gracesophia]

Thanks everyone. The thing is, I think I need to stop getting tested, because if I insist on getting tested after what was almost 100% protected sex, I think I am setting a precedent of assuming that any sexual contact could lead to HIV. Do you know what I mean? I always tell myself I'll get tested and then not do anything risky ever again, but then my definition of 'risky' just shifts! For example, I know how rare it is for a heterosexual man to have HIV, so I pretty much assume everyone I have been with was bisexual! And I can't go interrogating everyone I kiss as to whether they've ever had sex with a man, or about their sexual health when we're not even sleeping together (I worry about any kind of sexual contact). I feel like I should maybe stop testing over every incident..

[constantworrier418]

I totally agree that having HIV tests again and again will just lead to the anxiety getting worse and you'll start to get worry that minor contact such as touching a door handle could lead to HIV being transmitted.

That said perhaps avoid having one night stands, although there is no harm if you are using protection if the effect is going to be one of worry afterwards and doubting what happened and asking "what if " I would suggest you leave sex for a loving relationship - when you can trust that the person your with is HIV free and you can actually enjoy it!

I too had this anxiety and it blighted my life from my late teens well into my 20's and I can finally say that although I'll always be conscious of catching HIV I no longer panic about touching door handles or worry when I go to have a blood test about whether they have mistakenly used a dirty needle.

feel free to pm if you need to - I know how awful this worry can be xx