gracesophia
15-08-10, 16:16
I'm getting so sick of this. For the last week I have been worrying about Herpes because I had unprotected oral sex. I stop worrying about that, and then my brain reverts to the HIV worries. I had a one night stand almost 3 months ago, and I know that I asked him to use a condom and he went to get one, but because I was drunk and it was months ago and I am OCD-ing about this, I don't think I can specifically remember seeing him put it on. I also didn't see him take it off, because he went to the bathroom straight afterwards (probably to take it off, right?). I texted him the next day to check that the condom hadn't split and he said 'Nah, the condom didn't split, I'm confident of that'. So of course I am worrying:
a) he didn't even use a condom (I maybe didn't even see one!) and lied to me
b) the condom split and he lied to me
c) I am doubting 'I'm confident of that' because he didn't say 'I'm 100% sure'!
I have no reason to think he has HIV except I don't know him, so for all I know he has had unprotected sex with men or used IV drugs.. I know he came out of a long-term relationship recently and had only slept with one girl since. And he had condoms immediately on-hand, which suggests he uses them. He didn't seem like a dishonest guy and was really upfront about not wanting to lead me on so I can't imagine he would lie to me.
I guess I need some reassurance that thinking any of the things above is completely irrational. I don't want to get tested again, because if I keep getting tested over no risk situations I am only going to reinforce the worry by seeking reassurance.
I'm still really worried about any future sex life because any time I do anything (like I did last weekend) I end up freaking out about the tiny chance I could have caught something :(
My MA dissertation is due in 2 weeks so I know I am only worrying about this to distract myself. But even if I got a test done tomorrow, I would still have a week of worrying.. and then once that came back negative, I would find something else to worry about. How do I stop this ? :(
a) he didn't even use a condom (I maybe didn't even see one!) and lied to me
b) the condom split and he lied to me
c) I am doubting 'I'm confident of that' because he didn't say 'I'm 100% sure'!
I have no reason to think he has HIV except I don't know him, so for all I know he has had unprotected sex with men or used IV drugs.. I know he came out of a long-term relationship recently and had only slept with one girl since. And he had condoms immediately on-hand, which suggests he uses them. He didn't seem like a dishonest guy and was really upfront about not wanting to lead me on so I can't imagine he would lie to me.
I guess I need some reassurance that thinking any of the things above is completely irrational. I don't want to get tested again, because if I keep getting tested over no risk situations I am only going to reinforce the worry by seeking reassurance.
I'm still really worried about any future sex life because any time I do anything (like I did last weekend) I end up freaking out about the tiny chance I could have caught something :(
My MA dissertation is due in 2 weeks so I know I am only worrying about this to distract myself. But even if I got a test done tomorrow, I would still have a week of worrying.. and then once that came back negative, I would find something else to worry about. How do I stop this ? :(