at the end of my emotional rope

[dewgrl2511]

I have only been a member for a little under 1 full day but feel this is a safe place to "let it out" on recommendation from a very good friend who is a member here.

I am feeling like I am going to explode. The depression and anxiety are worse today than they have been in such a long time. I thought I had a handle on it at one time. I am soo stressed and anxious about a court hearing i have later in the week and and with things involving my husband.. we had a HUGE row last night and it has just about tipped me over the edge. In the past I would deal with the anxiety by cutting and the urge is so strong to cut right now i feel like if i dont i am going to shatter into a million pieces. I keep bouncing back and forth from the verge of bursting into tears to just staring off into space in the vain attempt to get lost inside my cage of a mind that is so full of demons it would scare the average person. I am feeling so alone and abandoned. my heart is trying to beat out of my chest and my brain is seconds away from shot circuit blow out. I just want to go find a little corner somewhere that no one can find me and just hide away there for the rest of my life.

[Raindog]

Hi Dew, big hugs for you
You've told me something of the problems you have getting meds, but see if you can find some way to see if you can find something that will help. I'm currently taking Citalopram for mine and it does help a lot for both the anxiety and depression. Medication isn't the real answer but I'm finding it's given me the space to breathe and start sorting things out in my head, you just need that light at the end of the tunnel like we all want.

Perhaps there may be others that have been in a similar situation that could suggest how you can get treatment if you feel it's needed. And we often get those thoughts, the ones you don't want to have, intrusive and scary, but they are just those most often, just thoughts, an unfortunate part of the package.

We're here Dew, keep coming back. Better days :)

Shaun

[dewgrl2511]

Thank you my Wise Doggy friend. I have to do something before I go completely over the edge. I fear if I allow myself to go inside my mind I wont want to come back out and will be lost forever. I am in no state of mind to make any kind of decisions about anything other than making the decision that I have to do something to get this under control.