Anita
27-02-04, 00:58
Hello All
My name is Anita and I have only justfound this site this evening and have spent ages reading many of the posts on this site tonight. I am 36 married with 2 daughter and live in Dorset. I really wanted to introduce myself to you and tell you a little of why I am here! I am currently coming up to 2 years of my latest bout of agoraphobia, panic and general anxiety, my first episode was way back in 1991 thru to 1994 , when I had my daughter - I then talked myself out of panic and being scared of going outseide and gradually normalised myself into have a very normal life, travelling round the country on my own included, my feelings of panic in that 3 year episode certainly dont seem to have been as severe as things are at the moment.
I dont seem to be really depressed, although I do feel down a lot but I guess thats part of the anxiety, and unlike many of you I dont experience palpitations and dont worry about having a heart attack. My main problem is the fear of fainting and any time ( a lot of the time) I feel lightheaded that obviously increases my awareness and my anxiety levels. I have 'funny faints' experienced on one occassion in an A & E department , which panicked the nurses but when the doctor came he assured me and everyone that I have a tyoe of fit when I faint with no major side effects, just tiredness etc afterwards. I must add that I havent actually ever fainted through a panic attack but only through blood related situations which are the main trigger - obviously avoiding any 'blood' situations is possible to a certain extent, even if it means leaving a nice little part time job at a local school, but fear of fainting is a major problem to me, especially lately when I feel so wobbly, at home and away from home, some days I just feel my legs arent going to hold me anymore and I feel I cant walk from the kitchen to the lounge, but yes of course I can make it - its just my brain fooling me into thinking I cant. When faced with my 'challenging' situations, tackling the local shops (cant face big supermarkets very well and certainly not alone - only been in a Tescos twice in 2 years...!), places where other people will be (social phobia seems to be a big problem) I experience the usual panic symptoms - dry mouth, shaking, dizziness, etc etc but also I tense my feet so badly that it has caused some muscle trouble and I cant stand properly for very long - obviously the tense feet aggravates the dizzy head and so it all goes round in a circle - I avoid standing for any length of time around people as I fear making a fool of myself - fainting or 'going mad'...I DO know that all these feelings are jist created in my head and I am really hoping sharing my feelings with you fellow sufferers that it will help me somehow deal with this. I just want to have a bit more confidence, to be able to look forward to going out of the front door, to be able to drive further than about 2 miles on my own, to be able to the bank to pay cheques in! And that big thing - to face the shops again - along with their 'lovely ' bright lights -YUK! I guess 2 big factors affecting me are very low self esteem about my weight - am very overweight - (keep thinking that I am putting my husband off me...but he assures me not!) and lack of sleep..never in bed before about 2am earliest and have to be up at 7 ish - this I guess is not enough sleep and has been going on for years and years. Its not that I cant sleep I cant make myself go to bed....! I also continually have negative self talk going on in my head, I wish, like many of you no doubt, that I could wake up one day and all those voices and talk would shut up and give me a clear head to think forwards with.
My doctor knows little about the extent of my problem, one doctor I saw, suggested counselling, and the few people who know about my 'feelings' feel I need some extra help - but I really want to give it a go dealing with it myself - I am hoping I can report to you all I am getting on well.
Thank you for listening to my feelings, I know you all understand - I never shared anythin
My name is Anita and I have only justfound this site this evening and have spent ages reading many of the posts on this site tonight. I am 36 married with 2 daughter and live in Dorset. I really wanted to introduce myself to you and tell you a little of why I am here! I am currently coming up to 2 years of my latest bout of agoraphobia, panic and general anxiety, my first episode was way back in 1991 thru to 1994 , when I had my daughter - I then talked myself out of panic and being scared of going outseide and gradually normalised myself into have a very normal life, travelling round the country on my own included, my feelings of panic in that 3 year episode certainly dont seem to have been as severe as things are at the moment.
I dont seem to be really depressed, although I do feel down a lot but I guess thats part of the anxiety, and unlike many of you I dont experience palpitations and dont worry about having a heart attack. My main problem is the fear of fainting and any time ( a lot of the time) I feel lightheaded that obviously increases my awareness and my anxiety levels. I have 'funny faints' experienced on one occassion in an A & E department , which panicked the nurses but when the doctor came he assured me and everyone that I have a tyoe of fit when I faint with no major side effects, just tiredness etc afterwards. I must add that I havent actually ever fainted through a panic attack but only through blood related situations which are the main trigger - obviously avoiding any 'blood' situations is possible to a certain extent, even if it means leaving a nice little part time job at a local school, but fear of fainting is a major problem to me, especially lately when I feel so wobbly, at home and away from home, some days I just feel my legs arent going to hold me anymore and I feel I cant walk from the kitchen to the lounge, but yes of course I can make it - its just my brain fooling me into thinking I cant. When faced with my 'challenging' situations, tackling the local shops (cant face big supermarkets very well and certainly not alone - only been in a Tescos twice in 2 years...!), places where other people will be (social phobia seems to be a big problem) I experience the usual panic symptoms - dry mouth, shaking, dizziness, etc etc but also I tense my feet so badly that it has caused some muscle trouble and I cant stand properly for very long - obviously the tense feet aggravates the dizzy head and so it all goes round in a circle - I avoid standing for any length of time around people as I fear making a fool of myself - fainting or 'going mad'...I DO know that all these feelings are jist created in my head and I am really hoping sharing my feelings with you fellow sufferers that it will help me somehow deal with this. I just want to have a bit more confidence, to be able to look forward to going out of the front door, to be able to drive further than about 2 miles on my own, to be able to the bank to pay cheques in! And that big thing - to face the shops again - along with their 'lovely ' bright lights -YUK! I guess 2 big factors affecting me are very low self esteem about my weight - am very overweight - (keep thinking that I am putting my husband off me...but he assures me not!) and lack of sleep..never in bed before about 2am earliest and have to be up at 7 ish - this I guess is not enough sleep and has been going on for years and years. Its not that I cant sleep I cant make myself go to bed....! I also continually have negative self talk going on in my head, I wish, like many of you no doubt, that I could wake up one day and all those voices and talk would shut up and give me a clear head to think forwards with.
My doctor knows little about the extent of my problem, one doctor I saw, suggested counselling, and the few people who know about my 'feelings' feel I need some extra help - but I really want to give it a go dealing with it myself - I am hoping I can report to you all I am getting on well.
Thank you for listening to my feelings, I know you all understand - I never shared anythin